People's Sauce says:
When parents keep giving negative hints to their children, the child psychologically recognizes the parents' hints, so he constantly moves closer to the parents' hints.
The full text 1878 figure 丨 Reading takes a total of 2 minutes
Edit 丨 People's Sauce
Author 丨 yo-yo
Source 丨Bringing Boys(ID:breedboy)
01
Yesterday I took my baby to the playground to play, and suddenly a girl of more than 2 years old fell off the toy wooden horse next to me. The girl only symbolically whispered a few times, and did not cry much.
Mom quickly ran over and picked her up and said to her:
"Don't play this in the future, you see you won't!" Can't play this again in the future, you've fallen. ”
The mother pulled the girl away, and the girl seemed to be a little reluctant, and kept looking back at the wooden horse that had fallen to the ground as she walked.
If you have to avoid the toy forever just because you fall off it, won't you lose a lot of fun and the courage to challenge yourself and the spirit of exploration?
And the loss of these will also overshadow her life.
02
It's enough to ruin a child and often say these three words to him – "you won't"!
Children are developing and growing in every play, experiencing fun and experiencing themselves in the process of play.
When encountering setbacks, even a single fall is a chance to exercise.
Unfortunately, parents often take their children away from where they cause him any setbacks, without teaching them how to face and solve problems.
When he grows up, when he encounters difficulties, he will naturally choose to escape, lose the courage to face challenges, give up when he encounters difficulties in learning, and have no spirit of exploration.
Yesterday, when I was lecturing, a mother said that her child was 6 years old, and asked him to do something, but he directly said no, did not do it.
After careful inquiry, I learned that when the child wanted to help with things before, his mother refused, and said to him: You won't!
When you rush to wash the dishes, you will not wash ah;
When trying to pour water, you will not pour;
When you try to disassemble and assemble the toy yourself, you won't!
Again and again "you won't", you really have to let the child know nothing, so that they gradually lose interest in exploration. When you encounter a little difficulty, you have no confidence and give up decisively, and you won't do it anyway.
"You won't" is a negative cue that has far more power than we can imagine.
Parents often blame their children for not loving to learn, not loving to use their brains, and the words they often hear are: you will not be able to solve such a simple problem, so stupid!
The child really accepted this kind of thinking in his heart, I was stupid, I couldn't do it, it was impossible to do well. As a result, he became less and less fond of learning and became a poor student.
Psychological studies have found that the people who affect children's personalities the most are parents.
"Good parents have a zipper on their mouths and never talk to their children as they please."
Since you can't do whatever you want, start by refusing to say "I won't."
03
Once, I also said to my son, "You won't," which annoyed me later.
Get the courier, he wants to help me dismantle, I directly dumped a sentence: you will not ah, mother come.
He was going to step on a stool to help me serve food, and I was afraid he was hot, and I said to him: Oh, you won't.
……
So he also learned to say "no."
When he played the more familiar puzzle, the slightest discomfort was directly dropped, saying, "I won't." ”
When he was asked to put on his own shoes, he replied, "I won't." ”
I don't want to do what I would have done, and I don't want to do what I could have done with some effort.
I realized the seriousness of the problem and realized that I had made a mistake, which made him afraid of making a mistake and afraid of failure.
So I decided to make up for it as soon as possible.
When he wants to say, "You won't," pause and wait quietly for him to work hard or even work hard to finish the work in his hand.
When he said "I won't," I encouraged him to "you can try, try again."
So he began to try, and gradually he was relieved to say and try everything he wanted to do.
"Try it" sounds far more than "you won't", "You won't" will ruin a child, and "Try it" can make a child.
04
There is a Thai short film "Bean Sprouts", in which the little girl sees that the business of selling bean sprouts in the market is very good, so she asks her mother: "Can we grow it and sell it?" ”
Mom replied, "Well, let's try." ”
The initial experiment was unsuccessful, and the mother and daughter found books to learn and improve the method. When girls doubt themselves, moms always laugh and say, "Let's try."
After many trials, it really miraculously grew bean sprouts!
The short film is adapted from a true story, and the girl in real life, step by step, studied for a doctorate in Sweden, won a sarnrak project scholarship, and truly realized the counterattack of fate.
The girl recalled: "My mother said that we should try it, like a magical nourishment, nourishing my curiosity and making my tree of knowledge grow infinitely prosperous." ”
A simple sentence of "let's try", like a powerful force supporting her, constantly exploring, has achieved today's outstanding results.
If the mother impatiently says to her daughter, "What do you think, you won't!" ”
Then the girl will also become a very ordinary grain of sand, forever trampled under the feet.
We all look forward to our children's excellent grades and their achievements in the future.
But coming out on top is never an easy task, he must have a strong desire to learn, a relentless spirit of exploration and perseverance, all of which will be affected by the education received at an early age, especially by his parents.
Parents do not deny the child, the child will not back down, parents do not hit the child, the child will not give up.
Everyone is imperfect, parents can make mistakes, and words and deeds will deviate. But we must dare to accept our own imperfections, and more importantly, dare to correct them.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "A good mother is the kind of person who is willing to admit that there is a problem with my education at any time, admit that I have done something wrong to my children, I am willing to admit my mistakes, and I am willing to improve." ”
To achieve children, start by changing yourself.
Remove the usual "you won't" and replace it with positive words of encouragement such as "give it a try" and "believe in you".
The child will be like a seed, in the fertile soil, get sunshine and rain dew, and thrive.