Children practice
Chicken fly dog jump
The Battle for Intergenerational Education
What should Dad do?
Dad's heart
Gorky said: "Just loving children is something that a hen would do, but being good at raising them is a great public undertaking." ”
In Chinese families, the problem of educating children is simply the number one cause shared by countless families.
Recently, due to the epidemic problem, the kindergarten has stopped classes again, and my wife and I can't leave work, so we can only invite my parents to come home with children.
But two days ago, I suddenly found that my family's bean sprouts are now very temperless, and no one can mess with them! It seems that the intergenerational education conflict that everyone often says is finally playing out in my family.
My daughter is a Leo, the personality is very stubborn, before there was her mother and I managed her, even if naughty, everything is still within the control range, as a result of her grandparents after a few weeks, the small flaws in personality appeared again, like willful, disobedient, self-centered or something, to practice more exaggerated.
To take a simple example, the piano primer Xiao Tang played a simple piece of music, and she only played it 3 times in an hour of practice! During the period, bad habits such as peeing, playing around, playing with dolls, etc. came out, and the fire that made me grow was rubbing upwards, and the temper suddenly came up.
Just roared, wanted to revitalize the next "Dad Gang", did not expect that her "wow" is a cry, grandparents came over and is the heart and liver baby and scolded me, the child's mother can't help but see this situation, join the battlefield, and then it is a chicken flying dog jump ...
I don't know what other male compatriots will do, whether to be "ostriches" or "warriors"? I am more "methodological", first carefully analyzing and studying the data, and then finding a solution.
My daughter is four and a half years old, a child at this age who is sensitive to the perception of rules and "takes advantage of loopholes" when she perceives that the attitudes and requirements of adults are not consistent.
For example, in the first few days, after her mother found that she was distracted by practicing the piano, she strongly stopped her, and the child was afraid that her mother would be angry, so she immediately concentrated and returned the doll she put next to her to her grandmother.
Later, the mother stopped useless, angry useless, the child will also talk back to the mother, move out the "Shang Fang Sword" to refute the mother, saying that the grandmother has agreed to let her play the piano with the doll.
The relationship between the baby mother and the baby is not good, not to mention, the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has also begun to be a little stiff, and I am afraid of being injured by mistake, trembling.
In fact, when we can't raise children independently, ask the elderly for help, and at that moment we should understand the various drawbacks that this may bring.
But most people only make good expectations and don't prepare for bad ones.
What my bean sprout mother and I can't accept the most is the old man's destruction of the "family rules" in the process of taking the child.
When the grandparents did not come, the bean sprouts were at least obedient when practicing the piano, but the old man had no principles when practicing with his children, and the more he practiced, the lazier he became, and the rules that his mother had made and adhered to before were destroyed.
The old man said: "I can't help the child, if I don't agree, I will cry and make trouble, and I can't control it at all."
The mother can't see it, and asks the child to admit his mistake and correct it, but the child is stubborn, and he also cries and cries and loses his temper with his mother.
After careful review, I found that it can be solved like this:
First, we must make it clear that it is unreasonable to expect four- and five-year-olds to be self-disciplined.
Bean sprouts are easily distracted by nature, and it is difficult for her to concentrate on one thing without rules and strong constraints from the outside world. Therefore, the formulation and implementation of family rules is very necessary.
In addition, me and the mother of the child must also recognize:
For the elderly, it is difficult for them to reject their children, and they can't stand their children's crying, but their hearts that love their children and desire their children to grow better are the same as those of their parents.
Therefore, family members should agree on the rules on the basis of mutual understanding and implement them with consistent standards.
How do you do that?
I invited my grandparents to confirm the rules with the sprouts again in front of the sprouts.
For example, when I came home from class in the afternoon, when my wife and I had not yet left work, Miao Miao could play with the doll for ten minutes, and after ten minutes, she would put down the doll to practice, and explained that the grandparents would be responsible for reminding the work. After playing a song ten times, you can play with the doll for ten minutes.
In addition, there are two aspects to communicate:
For parents:
First, expressing gratitude and understanding to parents, it is a great help to help us with our children;
Second, tell the old man about his worries (if the child does not pay attention to things, it will achieve nothing, etc.);
Third, it is clear that the two generations of care for the child are consistent, for the sake of the child's physical and mental health, so it is more necessary to have rules and implement the rules;
Fourth, eliminate the concerns of the elderly and clarify the responsibilities of both parties - parents are the first responsible person for educating children, so parents will be responsible for making rules, but they need the assistance of grandparents.
For children:
First, we must understand and accept the child's feelings, indicating that we understand that children sometimes want to play with dolls because they are bored;
Second, re-agree on the rules for playing with dolls;
Third, write out the rules and put them in a place where the whole family can see;
Fourth, express confidence in your child's ability to follow the rules.
Slowly, the bean sprouts practiced more and more persistently, and through this incident, my wife and I also learned how to communicate well with parents and children and deal with the problems caused by this kind of generational education. The child also slowly learned patience and self-discipline, and what makes me feel more pleased is that through the accumulation of time and time again, the relationship between our family has become more and more intimate.
After the problem occurs, we had better be able to actively solve the problem, as the top pillar of the family, resolutely can not be invisible at this time, only bravely support this piece of sky, the sky will become more and more vast, brothers, encourage!