Nowadays, more and more young parents, after having children, will let their parents help with the child so that they can be busy with work or other things.
The grandparents have sufficient time and energy, as well as practical experience in raising children, rich social experience and life perception, and can establish a harmonious relationship with children.
Raising children, enriching the life of the elderly, and enjoying the joy of children and grandchildren around the knees, seems to be a better choice for three generations.
However, in actual cases, the problem of intergenerational education will also arise from the difference in values, living habits, and parenting methods between the two generations.
Image source: Figureworm creative
01
Generational Education: Conflict under Standard
Misalignment.
Parents go to work during the day, and the children are taken by the elderly; when they return home at night, they play with their parents for a while, but the children still choose to sleep with the elderly.
Parents should not feel that the elderly have seized the attention of their children, but the parents have inadvertently given up the position of "parents".
A mother once told me that her daughter was brought up by her grandmother and was closer to her grandmother.
When she said at night that she only slept with her grandmother, she was still a little lost inside.
Children may think of the elderly as the first caregiver they identify in their hearts.
Old people may be just like us when they are young, busy with work and poorly caring for children.
When we have children, they are more likely to coddle out of compensation psychology and want to make up for their mistakes.
The elderly will even treat their grandchildren as their own children and raise them again.
At this time, the identity of the elderly will conflict with the identity of the mother.
Conflict of ideas.
Due to the different times of life, the elderly are accustomed to using the previous parenting method to bring up children.
Their method of raising children comes from a narrower source than we do.
Nowadays, we can easily obtain a variety of advanced parenting concepts through the Internet and books, which are more or less in conflict with the ideas of the older generation.
Here's a simple example:
A mother in the group said that the children are in the second year of junior high school, and after writing their homework every day, it is the grandmother who packs the school bag, never cares about it, and puts everything on the table.
Mothers will set rules for their children: do their own things, you must clean up by yourself, in case things fall;
And Grandma always said: After writing homework is already very tired, tidying up the school bag is only a small busy, handy thing.
The mother wants the child to be more self-reliant, and the grandmother feels that the child is tired after writing his homework, and the family can do a little help.
Both make sense, so there is no standard answer to education.
If you complain that your parents don't understand parenting, or even accuse your parents, then remember:
Compared to your advanced model, it is likely that their love will make the child feel more secure.
Understand first, then persuade, maybe better.
To break the spell of intergenerational education, I think mothers need to have this awareness:
That is, if you plan to let the elderly help with the children, then in the matter of educating the children, everything is mainly based on the elderly, respect the elderly, otherwise, bring it yourself.
02
Establish a correct outlook on education and seek common ground while reserving differences
Due to the significant differences in the environment and era of birth and growth, there will naturally be a considerable gap between the two generations in the education of children.
Young parents may pay more attention to their children's personality development, cultivate the ability to resist setbacks, and encourage children to try new things;
The older generation pays more attention to moral education, and many things like "insurance".
The contradiction between parents and grandparents is also easy to be internalized by children into inner contradictions, and children do not know how to meet the needs of two generations.
Therefore, in the face of each other's interference and denial, we need to reach a consensus with the elders and establish the necessary and feasible parenting norms.
The two generations try to communicate more calmly and calmly, and when differences occur, try to avoid arguing in front of the children, and maintain the prestige of both sides.
With a grateful heart for the elderly, it is best to ask the parents as much as possible, praise the correct parenting concept of the elderly, and communicate more gently, so that the elderly know the motivation of parents when educating their children.
Help the elderly to use various channels to accept new ideas, and use scientific and advanced educational concepts to unify understanding.
Parents and grandparents cooperate with each other, work together to raise children, actively create a "new type of intergeneration education", and give full play to the greatest value of intergenerational education, in order to achieve a win-win situation for three generations of the family.
Image source: Figureworm Creative
03
Parents should take the initiative to assume the necessary responsibilities and cannot find the elderly if something goes wrong
When it comes to raising children, the elderly are by no means the subjects.
Parents must first recognize the importance of themselves, take the initiative to assume the responsibility of parenting, can not rely too much on their parents, and major decisions about children must be decided by parents.
A mother said that her daughter has been with her grandparents for a long time, ignoring the psychological needs of her children to be with her parents, and has been very distrustful of her parents for a long time and has become insecure.
In order to get the attention of parents, there are behaviors such as truancy, addiction to novels, and making bad friends, which give parents a headache.
The growth of the child is irreversible, the companionship of the parents is also valid, once missed can not come again, and when the parents want to accompany the child, the child has been farther and farther away from the parents.
Young parents should try to spend as much time with their children as possible no matter how busy they are, and high-quality companionship is more useful.
Listen more to the child, do not use busyness as an excuse to completely hand over the right to education and custody of the child to the elderly.
Different families treat their children differently.
The old man's pampering or dominance of the child has what he thinks is right.
We need to respect the way children get along with different families and learn to compromise appropriately.
Intergenerational education is not useless, children read the "grace" of parents, parents read the "difficulty" of their children, seek harmony in the "generation gap", and resolve the "psychological dark wounds" caused by "subtle family affection".
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