01
What is the most important thing for two couples to live a life?
In the TV series "Party A and Party B", there is a classic line: "Marriage without love is unhappy, and marriage without a house is even less happy." ”
In marriage, love and bread are indispensable.
However, in a good marriage, love and material things alone are not enough. It also requires mutual respect, understanding and trust between husband and wife, and most importantly, whether they have a strong sense of responsibility for the family.
Because love is only temporary, character is eternal.
When the passion slowly fades, the relationship between two people is maintained by kindness. As Sheng Minglan said in "Knowing or Not": "To stay with people, in the end, it is still the lowest place of that character." ”
In life, we can often find that many women, after entering marriage, whether they are suitable or not, will always be forced to switch seamlessly in the roles of daughter, wife, mother, daughter-in-law and so on.
Men, on the other hand, are always "lagging behind".
Although they have married and had children and have their own small families, some men still stay in the role of "son", hoping that their wives will take over the baton in their mother's hands and continue to serve their own food and living.
People are mutual.
If a person only wants to enjoy the rights in marriage and is stingy to pay, then sooner or later, one day, he will not be able to "withdraw money" from the "marriage bank".
Zhigang (pseudonym) broke his wife's heart because of this.
02
Zhigang is Mengying's husband, and the two have been married for five years.
Their marriage will come to this point, which is something that many relatives and friends did not expect. After all, the two people loved so hard that they didn't want to marry, one didn't marry him, and the other didn't marry her.
However, love and marriage are not the same thing at all. The bright smile on the marriage certificate does not represent the full expression of life after that.
After marriage, her husband's performance simply disappointed Mengying.
I think that when Mengying married her husband, she was only twenty-six years old, and she also belonged to the age of greed. But when family responsibilities and individual hedonism clash, Mengying will still take the overall situation into account and put the family first.
Her husband, Zhigang, is different, he is a person with no sense of family responsibility. Usually, I don't pay any attention to things at home, and I only care about eating, drinking and having fun after work, how comfortable and how to come.
At work, I am not motivated at all, I can't earn big money, and I don't like to earn small money. With a salary of four thousand yuan a month, he was very satisfied, and he also claimed that "there is more than the top, more than the bottom", and it is appropriate to lie flat on the youth.
And every time he encounters something, the husband always shirks his responsibility at the first time, thinks that he is right, and throws the pot to Mengying.
Mengying did not quarrel with her husband because of these things, but she compromised and forgiven again and again under her husband's request, hoping that he could really change.
Until Mengying became pregnant two years ago, her husband ignored her during the entire pregnancy. Even without the care of her mother-in-law during confinement, her husband could still leave her and her children to travel alone, and Mengying was completely chilled.
But in order to give her children a complete family, Mengying still failed to make up her mind to divorce. Instead, they treat their husbands as transparent people, passing each other separately, and the well water does not violate the river water.
For her husband, without Mengying's nagging and discipline, he instead ended up at ease. No matter who you go out with, what time you go home, don't pay living expenses, don't give your daughter's milk powder diaper money, Mengying won't say half a sentence about him.
He thought that Mengying "understood", but in fact, she didn't care.
In the past two years, Mengying has taken on the responsibility of raising her daughter alone, and the relationship between the couple has long since ceased to exist over time, becoming more and more indifferent.
Therefore, not long ago, her husband was hospitalized in a car accident, and she would become a woman with "no conscience" in her mother-in-law's mouth.
That day, Mengying left work as usual, went to the nursery to pick up her daughter and go home, and then cooked, fed, bathed, and told stories for the children. After putting my daughter to sleep, she went on to wash the clothes, mop the floor, and prepare ingredients for breakfast the next morning.
By the time I was done, the clock was already pointing to eleven o'clock in the evening. Mengying finally had her own time, and the whole person collapsed on the sofa to watch the drama.
On the other hand, the husband was still at the wine table with a few friends, drinking wine and eating meat, which was very enjoyable.
However, on the way home from the electric car, the husband was in a car accident and was taken to the hospital for sutures.
During this period, her husband's friends made countless phone calls for Mengying to take care of, but she politely refused.
After the completion of the stitching, her husband was angry enough to call Xingshi to ask about the guilt, and ordered Mengying to go to the hospital immediately to take care of him.
Mengying directly scolded him: "There is no time, chasing the drama" and hung up the phone, and Li did not want to pay attention to him.
The mother-in-law had to come from the countryside to take care of it, and also denounced Mengying in their family group. Saying that she has no conscience, she does not care whether her man is dead or alive.
Mengying did not want to argue with her and directly withdrew from the family group.
However, she still did not decide whether to divorce or not. Although such a marriage is not happy now, the good children will not become children in single-parent families, and they will not be excluded by other children in the kindergarten in the future.
It's good to maintain such a nominal marriage.
03
There are many examples in life like Mengying, where marriages break up because of her husband's lack of sense of family responsibility.
Through their stories, we also understand the following two truths:
One: Marriage in name only is the greatest harm to both husband and wife.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said:
"Love is a double dance, and I don't mind if both of us don't dance well. But I mind if I was the only one jumping and the other was just standing by and watching. ”
A good marriage requires both husband and wife to operate together and take care of them. Even if the two people in the marriage are not so perfect, as long as each other is willing to pour their hearts and souls, the relationship will not be too bad.
However, more and more couples have become "nominal" masquerade couples.
Obviously, it is a marriage of two people, and it has become a woman's army and a thousand horses. Money, earn it yourself. Children, raise them yourself. Housework, do it yourself.
Men, there is no difference before marriage and after marriage, still eating, drinking and playing cards, nothing delayed. The money did not earn a few, but the temper was not small. He does not mention his responsibilities and obligations, but he always asks his wife to be virtuous, to run the family, and to be considerate of his difficulties.
I only covet enjoyment, and I am not willing to give at all. There is no name for husband and wife, but there is no reality of husband and wife.
Such a marriage, even if it seems calm on the surface, is actually a dark tide, and it may drown the couple at any time.
Second: Between husband and wife, even the best feelings cannot withstand overdraft.
Many people don't understand why two people love each other to death before marriage. Married, but like an enemy who does not share the heavens, eager to draw a sword against each other?
In fact, most marriages are unhappy because one of the spouses does not act.
Just like the marriage between Mengying and her husband.
Before marriage, two people love like glue, and they have to be each other. However, after marriage, only Mengying completed the transformation of family roles in time and took on the responsibilities and obligations of the family alone.
But the husband always stays in the role of "giant baby", coveting pleasure and having no sense of responsibility. Even during his wife's pregnancy and confinement, he ignored her and gave up to travel.
It is said that the feud of the moon does not share the heavens.
If this matter is placed on any woman, it will become an insurmountable threshold. No matter how the husband compensates later in life, it is always like a fish in the throat.
What's more, Mengying's husband did not realize any mistakes, and afterwards he still went his own way, only caring about his own leisure and happiness?
As Romain Rolland said:
"In marriage, everyone has to give and at the same time take back something, which is the law of supply and demand."
A good marriage requires both husband and wife to pay together, while at the same time recovering the corresponding "return" from each other, so that the relationship can maintain a relative balance.
If it is always only one person who is maintaining, another person is consuming. Then, no matter how good the feelings are, they cannot withstand malicious overdraft.
Text/No Pen