"Now that I think about it, it's naïve to think about how serious love was before I got married." Honestly, no matter who you marry, after marriage, you always find that you are not marrying the original person, but another one. ”
This is a small paragraph of text in "The Siege", which impressed me more deeply, I think, most marriages are like this, because of love and marriage, it is lucky, most people, I am afraid that they are married because they are "suitable" to get married!
The love and marriage of the 5 protagonists in the book seem to have already explained the truth of marriage: marriage, do not need great love, they cannot "break" the "siege" in their hearts, and who they marry, the ending is the same.
First, the remaining elderly female doctors
Su Wenyun gives people a very complicated feeling, she is a high-level intellectual, the family conditions are good, her father is an official, she has obtained a doctorate in Europe, such a woman, there is no shortage of suitors around.
"Once upon a time, she was bent on studying abroad, and she felt that those few people who pursued her had no future, and it was a big deal that she was a college graduate." Now, as a female doctor, she felt sublime loneliness, and no one dared to climb up. ”
Because of her high heart, she looked down on those ordinary suitors around her, and later became an elderly leftover woman, and it happened that on the boat back to China, Su Wenyun met her college classmate Fang Hongwei, and she began to chase the road backwards.
Women are too proactive and will scare men away.
Fang Hong gradually realized that the conditions were not worthy of Su Wenyun, and his heart was a little afraid of her, and for her ambiguity, Fang Hong gradually did not refuse, did not take the initiative, and spent it like this, just to pass the leisure time.
Zhao Xinlin was her most loyal suitor, chasing her for twenty years, and she was not impressed at all.
"Her long-term acquaintance with Xin Lin will not accumulate into love, just like the daily climate in winter, you can't add today's temperature to yesterday's, so that tomorrow will accumulate into a warm spring day." 」
After being rejected by Fang Hong, Su Wenyun turned around and married Cao Yuen Lang, a short and fat greasy man who was very good at flattering her.
Many people see here, very incomprehensible, Su Wenyi can not marry Fang Hongwei, can marry Zhao Xinlin, Zhao Xinlin's family lineage is also good, why would you choose a Cao Yuanlang? It's blind.
Su Wenlin knows that Zhao Xinlin likes herself, she also knows Zhao Xinlin, Zhao Xinlin is a very smart person, if you marry him, you are not good at mastering Zhao Xinlin, you would rather choose a stupid one, you have the initiative in marriage.
Su Wenyun is very rational in the face of marriage, and she only chooses what is suitable.
2. 2. 20 Years of Suffering "White Moonlight"
Su Wenlin did not marry Zhao Xinlin, but she hoped that Zhao Xinlin could guard her for a lifetime, in the original work, Su Wenlin's "bad thoughts" were explained in one sentence:
"She didn't marry Zhao Xinlin, but subconsciously, maybe Zhao Xinlin would not marry from now on, and patiently wait for Cao Yuen Lang to die as a substitute."
Zhao Xinlin regarded Su Wenlin as his "white moonlight", even if she was married, Zhao Xinlin would often think of her, and later because Mrs. Wang was somewhat similar to Su Wenlin, he did stupid things, and could only leave Sanlu University and make another living.
Zhao Xinlin loves Su Wenlin, he can't be stupid enough to wait for her to divorce, time will soothe all the pain, including love.
One person loves another person too much, I think it is not very good, just like a man like Zhao Xinlin, because he loves Su Wenlin too much, he is willing to do everything for her, constantly giving up his bottom line, in front of her, there is no dignity at all, the call is to come and go, if you marry Su Wenlin, Zhao Xinlin's good days will come to an end.
After Zhao Xinlin really woke up, he said this:
"I've recently realized that I don't love college-born urban women anymore. I waited for Su Wen to be bitter enough, and I asked a woman to serve me later. I'd rather marry an honest, simple country girl than have to be educated, as long as I'm healthy and obedient, and make me comfortable to be her Lord and Master. I don't think it's necessary to let love occupy such an important place in life. Many people are not in love and live the same life. ”
Yes, most couples do not have great love, we often say that love, most of them are the process of understanding each other, real love, most of them are unthinkable.
"You really married Miss Sue, and the taste is not too good." In pursuit of the shadow of the flesh and bones in the water, the dog lost the flesh and bones to the mouth! I married my lover as I wished, and I am afraid that at that time, the flesh and bones will be in the belly, but I will regret this shadow of the water that can no longer be seen. ”
This is Fang Hong's words to comfort Zhao Xinlin, if Zhao Xinlin really marries Su Wenlin, the beautiful love in his heart will also disappear without a trace.
Zhao Xinlin did not marry his sweetheart in the end, and after accepting the reality, he married a very ordinary girl, purely for the sake of marriage.
Zhao Xinlin's family conditions are good, and he has room for choice in the marriage object, but love and marriage are not the same, love is irrational, and marriage is a decision after comprehensive measurement.
Third, Fang Hongxian, who married the "heart machine woman"
Su Wenyun did not have her own love, she did not really love anyone, she "picked" Fang Hongwei, but also because Fang Hongzhi was "suitable", as a marriage partner, it was still good.
Fang Hong gradually did not like her, and he chose Tang Xiaofu because he really liked Tang Xiaofu, which was only related to hormones.
Because his academic qualifications were fake and hurt Su Wenyun, Fang Hongzhi was unable to keep Tang Xiaofu in the end.
Two good women, he did not catch one, if he married Su Wenyun, although he did not love, but life should be good, career must also develop well; if he married Tang Xiaofu, he is married to his crush, there will be no regrets, unfortunately, two women, he missed, Fang Hongzhi finally married the "heart machine girl" Sun Roujia.
Regarding Sun Roujia, many people say that she has a heart and a plan, and some people say that she is in pursuit of true love, which is not a heart machine. I think Sun Roujia has her own mind, very assertive, if it is a scheming, it is a bit excessive.
Fang Hong gradually married Sun Roujia half pushed and half on the spot, at that time, Zhao Xinlin left Sanlu University, and was often joked by Zhao Xinlin, and in half push and half off, he married Sun Roujia.
"Miss Sun is very good, I came with her all the way, I can guarantee her temper."
Fang Hong gradually disliked and did not hate Sun Roujia, in his impression, Sun Roujia was a very gentle girl, and very sensible, there was no major shortcoming, but it did not make him move.
Only because Sun Roujia often contacted him, the two people became familiar, and coupled with Sun Roujia's small plan, he married Sun Roujia.
As the male protagonist, he did not marry Bai Fumei Su Wenyun, nor did he marry Back Ton Xiaofu, who he truly loved, and finally married Sun Roujia, who was mediocre in all aspects.
Did Sun Roujia ever love Fang Hongwei? I think no, she is in front of Fang Hongxue, and she should also think that he is not bad among the men around him.
Their combination confirms the sentence in the book:
"Marriage does not require too great love, and not hating each other is enough to get married."
Fourth, Tang Xiaofu who "left blank"
"Tang Xiaofu is obviously the author's favorite character, and he is reluctant to marry her to Fang Hongwei."
This is some of the additions that Mr. Yang Dai made for "Siege of the City", or the behind-the-scenes story! She also understands better the author's intention to arrange it this way.
Tang Xiaofu is the most perfect image in the book, and the only love story in the book, and Fang Hong's feelings for her are love.
Fang Hong gradually pursued Tang Xiaofu for a while, all he thought about all day long was Tang Xiaofu, her reply, he had to read it many times, thinking about marrying her, completely disrupting his normal thoughts.
"That kind of emotion, it is terrible to think about, disturbing people to do things, eat and sleep without thinking, not sparing people for a moment, it is simply a neurosis, really can't help it!"
Fang Hong gradually recalled that at that time, he felt that he was too crazy at that stage, if he really married Tang Xiaofu, his life would probably not be satisfactory.
Tang Xiaofu finally went to Chongqing with her father, never appeared again, what she wanted was a man who belonged to her completely, and no stains were allowed.
The author did not explain Tang Xiaofu's final married life, because Tang Xiaofu's concept of love is very simple and naïve, that is, the ideas that people outside the siege will have.
She saw a man like Fang Hongwei, which was a very important step for her to enter the siege, and she would eventually succumb to reality, find a suitable man to marry, endure her husband's disgraceful past, and even do something that would disgust her in the future.
"If the author lets them become dependents, and the dependents quarrel and fall out, then the meaning of marriage is like being in a siege is more clearly explained."
Tang Xiaofu seems to have no ending, in fact, her ending is written in Su Wenyun, Fang Hongwei, Zhao Xinlin and others, and in the end they cannot escape the world.
Fifth, marriage does not require great love
The 5 protagonists in the book, Fang Hongwei, Su Wenyun, Zhao Xinlin, Tang Xiaofu and Sun Roujia, in them, I saw a truth about marriage: most people marry, not because of love.
Fang Hong gradually married Sun Roujia, not because of love, because the two people were quite compatible; Zhao Xinlin married because of his age, the family's introduction was reliable, suitable for life; Su Wenyun married Cao Yuanlang, because he admired himself, and he could control it.
In marriage, the husband and wife can balance because of "calculation", such a marriage is more durable.
Love, the existence of a short time, a period after that period, only the chicken and garlic skin, at that time, the personality, family and personal ability of the two people, if not matched, the marriage can not continue.
"He explained to himself that passionate love is already the peak of engagement, and everything is over when marriage is married."
Marriage, to a certain extent, is the "end" and "grave" of love. Because after marriage, married life is not just the life of two people, but a matter of two families.
"As plain as it is now, emotions do not become a burden on the heart, which is also the best, at least the most comfortable."
There is love, and suitable for marriage, naturally is the best result, if there is no great love, it is also possible to make a good couple.
Sixth, I can't live this life well, who is the object of marriage, and the ending is the same
After Su Wenyun got married, her appearance was better, her face was rounded, and it seemed that her life was still good, but her marriage was not happy.
She did not know that Zhao Xinlin was already engaged and tried to maintain an improper relationship with Zhao Xinlin, Sun Roujia only saw Su Wenlin's side, the two people did not say a word, Sun Roujia saw Su Wenlin's current marital status:
"It doesn't matter if it's vulgar, I think she's too mean. I have a husband, but also to hook up with Xin Lin, what a show! I guess it's the daughter of the little wife. ”
Su Wenyun's marriage is not happy, she wants to find a "spare tire" Zhao Xinlin, so that her marriage will only get worse and worse.
After Su Wenyun got married, he still did not change his pride and prejudice, satirized Fang Hongwei, and ridiculed Sun Roujia, Cao Yuen Lang was a fool and would not continue to compliment her.
Marriages are not happy, and most of them are self-made.
Fang Hongzhi and Sun Roujia are quite matched, but in the end, they also broke up, I think the main reason is that Fang Hongwei, a person like him, who marries, the ending will be the same.
From a personal point of view, Fang Hongzhi is a person with low emotional intelligence, he is not good at mixing in the workplace, and he does not listen to the opinions of others; in the family, his parents are pedantic in thought, and although they stay in the West, they are not as enlightened as Sun Roujia in concept.
"Hong gradually sympathized with his wife, but did not dare to offend his parents, so he had to go home alone."
After marriage, these housework is very cumbersome, Fang Hongzhi did not handle it well, he did not have any major shortcomings, not smooth enough, small measurement, Fang Hongzhi evaluated his sentence is particularly accurate:
You don't hate it, but it's useless.
A useless man like Fang Hongwei, in marriage, is not able to handle the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and husband and wife, that is, many women think that the nest man.
If he did not marry Sun Roujia, Fang Hongzhi's married life would also be a chicken feather, like his two brothers and daughters-in-law, one more refined than the other, he was even more overwhelmed.
epilogue:
Marriage is like a siege, I think this is right, people who do not go in, will be very much looking forward to, with good fantasies, once they enter the siege, they will see its unbearable side.
Some people are willing to balance the marriage as much as possible in the besieged city, give up some of their original insistence, and are willing to make changes; some people only think about themselves, are not willing to pay for marriage, and finally can only be destroyed by the shackles of "marriage".
The "siege" of marriage can only be "broken" by himself, and if he does not live this life well, his marriage will probably not be good.
If you are flawed and can't adapt to marriage, no matter who you marry, the end will be similar.
When you feel unhappy about your marriage, start by changing yourself!
Author: Muzi