Yesterday a female friend complained to me, saying that she has a face and money, work is also decent, work hard every day, live seriously, and there are actually many people who usually pursue her, but every time I mention marriage, men do not shy away.
In fact, this friend has always hated to marry, but she has not been able to find a person who "dares" to marry her, the reason is not that she will not live a life, nor is she greedy for vanity, but that men feel that "they cannot afford to marry".
She is a child from a single-parent family, so she understands things earlier than others from an early age, because she has felt the life of sending people under the fence and renting a house since she was a child, and after she left the society, she has been desperately trying to make money, wanting to have a home that belongs to her mother and her, and never have to move around again.
At the age of twenty-eight, she finally got her wish, achieved her goal of having a house and a car, and gave her mother a stable home.
She had been close to her many times, and some boys thought she was a good girl, but as soon as she talked about getting married, she immediately instigated her.
She also does not drink, nor does she like to go out to play, she can be regarded as a good woman who can go to the hall and the kitchen, and usually read books at home after work, walk the dog, but such a good girl, but no one dares to marry.
Once, she finally couldn't help asking a boy: I'm so good, why don't you men just don't want to marry.
This boy said, not that you don't want to, it's not that you don't dare, because you are too good, too strong, and men are afraid that they can't suppress you!
Kawanishi Kotoko said: In fact, men are more realistic than women, and women's reality hangs on their lips, but men's reality is hidden in their hearts.
In relationships, women have always been emotional animals, while men are more rational! Especially when faced with marriage choices, most men will weigh the advantages and disadvantages of reality, such as portals, academic qualifications, and the value you can bring to him in future marriages, and after careful consideration, he will finally decide whether to enter into marriage with you.
Some women do not understand, obviously they want to have a good look, want a career and a career, why have they been repeatedly rejected.
In fact, women don't have to struggle with this, and men are reluctant to marry you, which may be these two reasons!
01 You are better than a man, and he is afraid that he will not be able to suppress you
Qian Zhongshu once wrote such a sentence in "The Siege of the City": "A woman must win over my family, and a woman must not be as good as my family."
This means that the daughter must marry high to appear rich; the daughter-in-law must marry low, so that the man can suppress it.
Therefore, after Fang Hongzhi learned that Fang Hongzhi was very close to the female doctor Su Wenyun, he was very unoptimistic, and he said to his son: After a woman has read for several years, men cannot control it, and men must be taller than women, and they cannot match her equally.
In father Fang's eyes, if a woman is stronger than a man and is easily ridden on the head by her wife, the man cannot revitalize her husband, and everything must be suppressed by the wife.
Although Fang Father's words are rough, I have to say that his words also represent the psychology of many men.
Zhang Ailing said: Women's love for men always has to be a little adoring; women must worship to be happy, and men must be worshipped to be happy.
Men have a hero living in their bones, they hope to dominate in a relationship, the woman he loves can rely on him and worship him, and women who are too good, generally very independent, will make men have a sense of oppression, feel that they can't control you, can't control this relationship.
In fact, this is also a man's self-esteem at work, afraid that when you are stronger than him, he will be shorter in front of you.
So in marriage, many men don't want their wives to have a better career than him and make more money than him, because it will make them feel frustrated and feel inferior to women.
So for a woman who is better than herself in all aspects, most men will be discouraged.
02 Too casual with feelings
If Su Wenyun's family lineage makes Fang Hong gradually dare not climb high, then Su Wenyun's attitude towards feelings is even more discouraging for Fang Hong.
Many people say that if Fang Hong gradually marries Su Wenyun, he may have a good life, the two people can complement each other, Su Wenyun is strong, Fang Hong is gradually cowardly, Su Wenyun has money and background, and Fang Hong gradually relies on this big tree, which can satisfy his vanity, arrange a good job with ease, and avoid worries about money.
But Su Wenyun is a particularly vain and self-ego person, she likes the feeling of being sought after, and she also enjoys the feeling of men fighting for her, Fang Hong gradually does not want to fall into this entanglement, so he tries to suppress his sense of existence every time.
A woman, give a man a feeling of casual feelings, even if he loves you again, he will not marry.
Because they will feel that you are a person who is extremely irresponsible for feelings, it is difficult to guarantee that you will end up in the marriage in the future, they do not trust you, and it is difficult to believe that you will really go on with him for a long time.
Just like Jiaorui in Zhang Ailing's "Red Roses and White Roses", Zhenbao regarded her as a cinnabar mole in her heart, but when Jiaorui said that she wanted to divorce and marry him, he directly chose to escape.
It's not that he doesn't love enough, it's just that his love is mixed with too many realistic things, except for the fact that she is married, she is still a woman in his heart who is casual and promiscuous.
He would never marry such a woman home, because he was also afraid that one day, Jiaorui would give him "green".
Men like a woman and marrying home as a wife are definitely two different things.
Marriage means tying two people together for the rest of their lives, which involves the practical issues of life, interests, family dominance and future direction, so when a man enters marriage, he will mostly be more rational, he can marry a woman who does not love, but will never marry a woman who cannot be controlled.
03 Conclusion
In fact, whether it is a man or a woman, before entering marriage, they will weigh the advantages and disadvantages of reality, feel that the other party is a trustworthy person, and then make up their minds to give their lives to each other.
In the choice of mates, if you are too good to marry you, it does not mean that it is your failure, which only shows that the person who is really willing to accept you from the bottom of his heart has not yet appeared.
Marriage is originally a two-way choice, whether it is an exchange of benefits or a sincere delivery, the two must be able to reach a fit in some aspects, so that the marriage will be more solid and lasting.
I also hope that everyone can be responsible for themselves, responsible for life, and responsible for life in the treatment of feelings.