Sun Roujia tried every means to marry Fang Hongwei, Fang Hongzhi reluctantly married her in the absence of other choices, Sun Roujia's backward pursuit did not make Fang Hongzhi cherish more, but increased Fang Hongzhi's dislike for her.
"A woman must win over my family, and a woman must not be better than my family."
This is what Fang Hongwei's father said, although his thinking is relatively pedantic and backward, but about marriage and dowry, this sentence has some truth, that is, everyone often says "the door is right".
The marital life situation in "Siege" reveals some unspoken rules hidden in marriage, which can be known early and benefited early.
First, do not care about "appearance", is false
I often hear people say that it doesn't matter how she looks, as long as she has a good character.
The reality is that appearance determines whether two people can continue, especially when they are blind dates.
Fang Hongwei's female popularity is particularly good, Miss Bao looks at him, it is because he looks good, Su Wenyun is also, but also because Fang Hongzhi looks outstanding.
When Tang Xiaofu appeared, the author praised her appearance well, she was outstanding in appearance, and people liked it when they saw it. If Tang Xiaofu was a short, fat and black toothed girl, Fang Hong gradually estimated that he would take a detour, and there would be no soul haunting behind him.
"When Fang Hong gradually saw that Miss Tang was not smiling, his face was still attached to a smile, like the afterglow in the air after the music stopped."
Because of her good looks, Fang Hong gradually wanted to stare at Tang Xiaofu all the time, thinking that her smile was different.
Mrs. Wang introduced Miss Fan to Zhao Xinlin and Miss Liu to Fang Hongwei, these two women did not look good, so when the two of them saw these two girls, they had no desire to get along at all.
Fang Zhao and the two agreed to meet, but also wanted to meet Mrs. Wang's true face, because Mrs. Wang was a famous beauty.
Now it is often said that love at first sight is the face. This sentence is vividly reflected in the love marriage of several of them.
However, I don't think there is any need to have appearance anxiety, pay more attention to appearance is really needed, give others a good impression, but also make yourself happy, love beauty, everyone has it.
Second, the door is right, it is really important
The first time Fang Hongwei went to Su Wenyi's house, he saw the rich furnishings of the family, the appearance of the big family, and his own home could not be compared.
In addition to his own conditions are not matched, let him be a little afraid of Su Wenyun, the more important reason is that his family is not as rich and powerful as the Su family, even if Su Wenyun does not care, he himself will feel like an upside-down son-in-law, a dwarf.
Sun Roujia's family conditions are similar to Fang Hongjia's, but the Fang family has slowly disappeared, Sun Roujia's family conditions are slightly better than his family's, her father works in the newspaper, and the conditions of her aunt's family are not bad.
When she got married, her aunt gave her a whole set of furniture, but the Fang family did not give her a dowry and other valuable things, which became Sun Roujia's criticism of the other family.
Sun Roujia's salary is double that of Fang Hong, and Fang Hong's parents are not excited, and they also think that women should be housekeepers at home, and that good job should let their sons go, let women raise men, and it is too humiliating to say that it is too humiliating.
The door is very important, the man's condition is worse than the woman's, he will be said to be eating soft rice, and his psychology is also unbalanced. If the daughter marries a family that is worse than her own family, the parents will not agree, the daughter has such good conditions at home, how can she go to a family that is poorer than her own family!
I think from a material point of view, the door is right, the man's family should be slightly better than the woman's, or almost, if the woman is much better than the man, it is indeed not conducive to the stability of marriage and family.
Marriage is the union of "interests"
Su Wenyi married Cao Yuen Long, and her father found a good job for her son-in-law:
He was the chief of the 'Wartime Materiel Committee', and was the messenger of the new father-in-law who worked for him, which was part of his daughter's dowry.
When many people introduce their other half to their families, if the other person's parents are rich or have status, the status of the other half in this family seems to have naturally improved.
When Fang Hongzhi was in college, the Zhou family gave him their daughter Xu, on the one hand, because Fang Hongzhi had a future in college, and more importantly, his father was a famous squire and had a great reputation in the local area.
Women are the same, if their parents are officials, then she will be looked up to, such as Su Wenyun, Cao Yuen Lang married her, not really love her, it is likely to be her father, not to her.
"Many people talk about marriage in a tone that seems to be gay love, not looking at the girl herself, but envying her old son or her brother."
Some marriages are for the sake of profit, and marrying a woman from an official eunuch's family like Su Wenyun is equivalent to having a good father-in-law and having a good future for herself.
Marrying someone like Zhao Xinlin, the family strength is strong, even if Zhao Xinlin is not good for himself, as long as he stands at home with his children, he will not have to worry about the second half of his life.
Marriage is sometimes the "calculation" of both parties, provided that they can benefit each other, otherwise, such a marriage will be difficult to last, and it will also be put into their own happiness for a lifetime.
Fourth, marriage is not a matter of two people
Marriage is not a matter of two people, and many people really understand the meaning of this sentence after marriage.
Before marriage, many women will say, I am marrying him, not marrying his family, men will say, I am marrying her, not her parents.
This is not wrong, the other half is the most important, but if you meet a "brother-in-law" or a mother-in-law who loves to find things, the life must be not smooth.
Fang Hongwei's parents were very feudal, and Sun Roujia hated his family's old and rusty rules the most.
What is particularly annoying is that every time a relative of the Fang family comes and occasionally says that they have not seen a grandmother, the Fang couple immediately calls Rou Jia to go, whether it is at six o'clock in the afternoon she just came home from the office, or saturday she wants to go out to play, or Sunday she has to go to her aunt's house or her mother's house. The death of the ancestor plus the living relatives made Rou Jia tired of running for her life. ”
Sun Roujia would deal with it at first, but later, she simply ordered the maid to refuse directly, saying that she was not at home.
The Fang family made Sun Roujia feel tired, and likewise, the Sun family was not easy.
Sun Roujia's aunt is very good at provoking trouble, thinking that Fang Hong is gradually incompetent, has a big temper, and bullies Sun Roujia, and often gives Sun Roujia a trick to let her not be too good to her husband.
Fang Hong gradually couldn't stand his aunt, thinking that she often had nothing to do, showing his sense of superiority, and he also expressed his dissatisfaction in his heart: I am not willing to go to the Lu family with you. It is not enough to suffer losses in your own home, and you still have to go door to door to be taught a lesson! I bully you! Hmm, I don't give you any aunts and nurses to bully to death, even if you live a long life!
Sun Roujia had to go to Fang's house to get angry, and Fang Hong gradually went to Sun Roujia's relatives' house, which was also uncomfortable.
"In Western families, the struggle between mother-in-law and son-in-law is an ancient custom preserved to this day, and the hostility between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in our Chinese family is not inferior to their long history."
Marriage is by no means a matter for two people, it is a matter of two families, and husband and wife should also understand each other, consider each other, and reduce the contradiction between each other and their original family.
Similarly, the mixing of elders will only make the relationship between husband and wife worse and worse, the more mixed and chaotic, the contradictions between husband and wife, many of which are contradictions with the original family, less the mixing of the elderly, the contradictions between husband and wife will be much less.
Fifth, women who are easy to get to are not easy to be respected
Zhao Xinlin saw Sun Roujia's heart at the beginning, he said that Sun Roujia was not so simple as he seemed, and sure enough, after Fang Hong gradually got married, he believed Zhao Xinlin's words.
Sun Roujia pretended to be confused at first, approaching Fang Hongwei in the name of asking for advice, and later, she deliberately let others misunderstand the relationship between her and Fang Hongwei, and forced Fang Hongzhi to say "engagement" in front of her colleagues.
If Sun Roujia did not design, Fang Hongzhi might not marry her, and her initiative was only exchanged for Fang Hongzhi's contempt in the end:
However, there are women like you who try their best to marry me.
Sun Roujia went to great lengths to let Fang Hong gradually marry himself, and Fang Hong gradually did not take it seriously at all, and what he was thinking of was Tang Xiaofu, the woman he could not ask for, became the eternal goddess in his heart.
"This thing of roasted sweet potatoes is originally like the Chinese proverb in the private love of men and women, stealing is better than stealing, the aroma is better than the taste; when you smell it, you feel that you must eat it, it is really to the mouth, but it is not erer."
In marriage, when a man gets a woman, he will still feel that it is better to chase it, let alone that the woman is sent to the door on her own initiative, and it is not cherished.
How profound is the phrase "men look down on easy women" in the book.
We envy love in both directions, if not, as a woman, don't be seduced by "love in your own hands", it really does not apply.
If you meet a beloved man, the other party is very reliable, is a responsible man, then your appropriate initiative is OK, after all, to give him a chance to know you, if after the acquaintance, he did not take further action, it means that he is not interested in you.
"Of course, if you marry a good wife who is satisfied, your temper will not be lost."
This is Sun Roujia's practical experience, if Fang Hong gradually marries Tang Xiaofu, his patience should be more!
At last:
Some people say that the book "Siege" is not suitable for people before marriage, because it will make them afraid of marriage and do not believe in love. It is suitable for people after marriage to see, let them know that marriages are similar, there is no perfect marriage, what is important is that both parties operate.
I think this book is suitable for adults, whether married or unmarried, after reading this book, you will know in advance what marriage is like, and you will take a lot of detours.
In marriage, first sober, and then confused, is the best state!
Author: Muzi