The survey shows that only 50% of the children of families are cared for by their parents, and 47% of the families are in the state of "separating children".
When it comes to the elderly with children, it is always impossible to avoid the topic of son preference. But in the families that Sugar Mom has come into contact with, the discussion of the elderly with grandchildren and grandchildren is also more intense.
People have their own reasons for bringing grandchildren and grandchildren to which "merit" is greater. People who do not yet have grandchildren feel that they should bring grandchildren, because grandchildren are closer, but people who already have grandchildren may not think so.
The old man chose to bring a "grandson", and the reason given was very realistic
The neighbor Aunt Huang has a son and a daughter, she raises her children to adulthood, and then watches them start a family, thinking that she can enjoy the blessings. Unexpectedly, her children gave her a problem - with grandchildren or with grandchildren.
The grandson and grandson are similar in age, and they are the heart of Aunt Huang, but they do not have the ability to take two children, so they have to make a trade-off.
Sugar Mother once in the community, heard Aunt Huang and several elderly people talk about this matter, some people said that "there is no merit to bring the grandson, the grandson is someone else's family, the grandson is their own family."
Aunt Huang thought about it and did not refute it, and finally she chose to bring her grandson and give her grandson some pocket money every month. Neighbors were very surprised and did not understand why she did this, Aunt Huang smiled and said: Do not seek merit but seek no fault.
The reason given by Aunt Huang is very realistic, and now young couples need to work hard to make money and cannot bring their own babies. But they have higher requirements for people with babies, and It is more appropriate for Aunt Huang to do so.
Why are more and more elderly people choosing to bring "grandchildren"?
People often say that grandchildren follow their own surnames, of course, they are closer. The grandson follows someone else's family name, and no matter how good he is, it is useless. In fact, in terms of blood relations, the difference between grandchildren and grandchildren is not large.
And in the eyes of the elderly, the people who care most are always their children. Therefore, their attitude towards the next generation also depends on their relationship with their children.
If the old man has a conflict with one of the children, it will also implicate his opinion of the child. When the elderly prefer sons to daughters or preference for women over men, then the attitude towards the next generation will be different.
Another point is the delicate relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As we all know, taking care of children is not so simple, in addition to taking care of daily life, safety and education are also a big problem, which will make it more difficult for the elderly to do, often worried about making the daughter-in-law unhappy.
If you bring it well, both sides are happy, and once the process of taking the child is controversial, or if there are some mistakes accidentally, you will also be blamed and complained by the daughter-in-law, which is really laborious and unflattering.
Therefore, those who choose to bring grandchildren are afraid that they will not be able to bring their children and provoke the dissatisfaction of their daughters-in-law, preferring to give financial support rather than affect each other's feelings.
And bringing children to your daughter is psychologically easy. There are many similarities between mother and daughter, and there is no need to worry too much about communication, let alone "overnight feuds".
It is not easy for each other to freeze because of the child's affairs, which indirectly affects the feelings of the two children. Not seeking merit but seeking no fault is also the choice of the elderly to take care of the overall situation.
Whether the old man brings a grandchild or a grandson, he must be clear about the facts
I don't know when it began, the elderly with the baby became a "matter of course", and even when they refused to help their children with the baby, they were ridiculed and insulted.
We need to be clear about the fact that whether the old man finally chooses to take a grandchild or a grandson, it is indispensable. Their credit lies not only in bringing up their children, but also in helping their children a lot.
They have worked hard all their lives, and they could have enjoyed the blessings of every day, dancing square dances and basking in the sun every day, but for the sake of their children, they had to sacrifice their time and energy to take care of the next generation, which is something to be thankful for.
As for bringing grandchildren and grandchildren, which is the greatest credit, in fact, most of the elderly do not count, because whether there is merit depends on how their children see it.
If the children are always dissatisfied with the old man, it is futile to bring grandchildren or grandchildren. If the younger generations respect the elderly, the children also know how to be grateful, even if there is no remuneration and no praise, they also have "merit" in the eyes of the elderly.
It is not excluded that some elderly people have "snobbish eyes" or eccentric situations, mixed with purposeful love, and also can not get the child's sincere emotional feedback.
It is already very happy to have the old man in the family to help with the baby, and the old man chooses to bring grandchildren and grandchildren, and he also has his own concerns and reasons. Children don't force it, and they don't have to take revenge, thinking that the old man didn't help himself in the first place.
Children should have grown up around their parents, and if they can't trouble the elderly, it is best for young couples to bring their own. If you need an old man to bring a baby, don't easily deny his credit.
Candy Mother's Heart:
To be honest, there is no credit and "hard work" in the matter of taking children. In order to avoid contradictions, before starting to take children, first say what to pay attention to, whether it is with grandchildren or grandchildren, in the process of any problems everyone try to discuss, do not hurt the family.
【Today's topic】Do you think there is a difference between the elderly with grandchildren and grandchildren?