Author/Window Sill
Today's parents are also really bad, and if they are not careful, they may be a great vendetta.
To be honest, I have seen many children in my life, including online, especially in the case of more than one child in the family, who require parents to be absolutely fair. But if there is a little bit of failure, all the efforts may be erased, and even a sentence will come: "I did not ask them to give birth to me, since they gave birth to themselves, they must be fair." ”
In fact, is it possible that things in this world are absolutely fair? No, it won't. It is basically impossible to really have a flat bowl of water. First, parents are not gods, they are just ordinary people, when dealing with things, sometimes just make some judgments based on emotions, it is also very normal; second, even if they are the same face, the left and right faces may also have different sizes because of chewing habits and other issues, not to mention more variable interpersonal relationships, it is impossible to have an absolutely perfect template.
In this case, in the family relationship, if you have to go to the details to find equality, then you will find that the places that are not done well can be said to be everywhere.
The relationship between parents and children, under the development of the current society, the convergence of various new ideas because the network is unprecedentedly fast, and when they are substituted into themselves, it is easy to be pushed into another deformed relationship hidden under fairness, and the most direct manifestation is that the child thinks that the parents are unfair, and the parents also think that the child is not filial piety.
Last night, I heard my mother say something like this.
She has a friend who often plays together, and recently had a particularly big conflict with her two children, the eldest son shouted that he wanted to break off relations with them, because the parents did things unfairly, and their other younger son, who also thought that the parents cared too much about the attitude of the brother, began to be dissatisfied, and the current situation is: the eldest son thinks that the parents are biased towards the younger brother, and the younger brother thinks that the parents are too partial to the older brother.
Here's the thing.
This aunt has two sons, the eldest son has good grades since childhood, whether in the class or school, basically the top type, this son has also made them feel very proud from childhood. Children can read, they must be encouraged, so their eldest son all the way to graduate school, after graduation work is not bad, teaching in a key high school, looking for a wife is also a high school teacher.
Because the two people are good in ability, the aunt's eldest son got married and almost did not spend any money on them, including the eldest son's house and car, which were bought by the two people themselves, and did not ask them for a penny.
Originally, at this point, if there was no younger son, it would also be a relatively happy ending.
But after the younger son reached the age of talking about marriage, the problem came. Auntie's young son, 7 years younger than his brother, did not read much, after graduating from high school, he went out to work, these years the work changed from here to there, has not been fixed, the salary is not high, to the age of marriage, there is no money in hand.
As parents, they must help at this time, after all, if they do not shoot as parents, the younger son will have nothing to get his hands on in the blind date market, and it is necessary to rely on the blessing of the caravan to increase the probability of success of the blind date.
This aunt thinks so: the eldest son reads more books and spends more money, so now they want to buy a house for the younger son, which is also a reasonable thing.
But as soon as this remark came out, the aunt's eldest son was unwilling, in his opinion: they are all sons, why only buy a house for their younger brother? At the beginning, my brother read less books, because he did not have good grades, did not study seriously, could not read, nor did he not let him read, nor did he have to choose one of the two without conditions, so that he gave up the opportunity to let me read alone, so I did not owe him, this matter can not become a reason.
Every time they talk about it, they get into a big fight.
The aunt's eldest son means that either the younger brother earns his own money to buy, and the parents save the money for the elderly, he has no opinion, but if the parents want to buy a house for the younger brother, he also needs the same funds, and he also needs half of the money given to the younger brother.
The quarrel was so severe that the eldest son said angrily that if the parents had to do this, it would be better to break off the relationship, and then they could give everything to their younger brother, and he didn't want it.
Although this is mostly an angry remark. The eldest son of the aunt is usually still a relatively filial piety. But the aunt probably calculated an account and said: "I spent more than 300,000 yuan for you to finish graduate school, just because you only bought a house for your brother, you want to break off the relationship?" "This aunt's idea is very simple, in her opinion, the eldest son has the ability, can get everything by himself, then they don't need to worry too much, and if there is anything that needs the help of their old man, they will try to help."
But the youngest son's lifelong event is the most important, as parents, they can't watch their son not get married, thinking about who is worse, pulling whoever is wrong, but they didn't expect that what they should take for granted, in the child's place will set off such a big opposition.
Moreover, the aunt's eldest daughter-in-law is also strongly opposed, saying that everyone is the same when they are old-age, and it is impossible to have nothing to do with them now when there are interests. The money in the aunt's hand can buy a house in a small county town, and can only buy one set.
Looking at the eldest son and daughter-in-law are so opposed, the aunt will definitely care, so the matter of buying a house will be temporarily stopped, and then the aunt's younger son is dissatisfied, he thinks that he would have spent less money on his parents, and now it is a matter of course to spend more on him, and as a result, the parents only care about the brother, and the brother says that he does not dare to buy, which is eccentric.
I have found that this matter stands in their own position, and everyone has their own more correct views.
But each point of view is not objective enough, because in general, individual ideas must be self-interested, especially in the face of interests, it is easy to stimulate the selfish side of human nature.
As I said before, in any relationship, especially in the affection of parents and children, if there is more than one child, it is impossible to pursue absolute fairness, and even because of falling into the misunderstanding of fairness, completely lose judgment, even the most basic gratitude mentality is gone, blindly only staring at the other party's bad place, naturally doing something wrong.
After all, it is really necessary to be objective, parents do not owe their children, and the money they earn themselves, in fact, how to distribute it, is the parents' own business.
When your child grows up, if you have your own goals and ideas, you can also work your own, rather than trying to go to your parents to suck the marrow and squeeze out the last bit of surplus value.
At the same time, it is also important that the family can be of one heart and one mind, and sometimes it does not hurt to suffer some losses, as long as the other party understands and is grateful, everyone is helping each other. But then again, as long as one person can't keep up with everyone's three views and thoughts, the harmonious situation will also be broken. From this point of view, the eldest son's mind can also be understood.
So, this is the real reason why families have difficult scriptures: reason and suffering cannot go hand in hand.
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