"My kids play with their phones every day, and their grades are dropping too fast."
"I don't know why, after the child was addicted to the Internet, his temper became very bad, and his attitude towards me and his father completely changed."
"My daughter chased novels every day on her mobile phone, didn't communicate with the outside world for a few years, and suffered from depression."
"We should let all these people who play games lose their jobs!" ......
Photo: Hello Future Humanity
Case A:
Teacher Li spoke passionately on the screen, while Pengpeng outside the screen held his cheeks and looked away.
The sound of the teacher's lecture sounded a little noisy. Suddenly, a strange sound of "ding" caught Pengpeng's attention - this was the WeChat sent by his tablemate Lingling, and Pengpeng came to a spiritual response: "I am here." Are you in class? Ling Ling quickly replied, "I'm playing coloring!" ”
Throughout the class, the two chatted very happily and were directly pulled away from the online class.
Case B:
M's father really did not bear to have a conflict with his son, a big fight, the son also fought back, the key is that M's strength is very large, a twist of the hand to restrain the father, let him lie on the ground. The reason for this is that M recently began skipping school to play games, and after many fruitless negotiations, the father and son punched each other.
M in the second grade is a boy who can't touch his mobile phone, and as soon as he gets the mobile phone, he can play games uncontrollably.
Case C:
Xiao Ran has been addicted to online novels since the second year of junior high school, and has been reading novels for no less than five hours a day.
Lately, she's been staying up late at night reading novels for days, and she knows it's not right, but she can't stop it. When she doesn't read a novel, she feels like she has nothing to do, she is fascinated by the world in the novel, but she has no interest in learning reality.
These cases are the stories that are happening in many families today.
Every family's situation is different, but the educational problems are roughly the same: children are addicted to mobile phones, which affects schoolwork and even triggers family conflicts.
With the rapid development of the Internet and electronic technology, today's electronic addiction has emerged new characteristics, mainly manifested in mobile phone addiction, rather than the previous game addiction.
Mobile phone addiction, compared to game addiction has a stronger intrusiveness, such as fast-paced short videos can quickly wrap people's attention, do not need any thinking conversion, people are quickly involved. A variety of casual games on mobile phones, quick and simple to get started, only need to repeat the operation, do not need to use the brain, play time passes quickly.
The rate of addiction is faster than before, and the addiction cycle has become shorter, catching parents off guard. Moreover, addicts have a tendency to age, which used to be concentrated in the middle and late stages of adolescence, while many of the current addicts are children who have not yet entered puberty.
Does a child who is addicted to the electronic environment and is comfortable with electronic devices mean that he is very suitable for this environment?
On the contrary, the more indulgent he became, the more he showed a strong incompatibility with the digital age, and he did not develop the ability to adapt to the new environment and the balancing behavior. Many psychosomatic problems are caused by the incompatibility and dissatisfaction with the environment.
Screens are changing the way we physically, socially, cognitively, emotionally developed and think, and are urging humans to adapt more quickly to changes in the electronic environment.
But simply talking about "abstinence" because of the panic brought to us by the changes of the new era and the fear that the younger generation will be captured by the Internet is unrealistic, and it is meaningless to blindly prevent, prohibit, and restrict the use of these systems on which today's society operates, unless children are ready to become hermits.
Open a dialogue system with your child in the electronic world
In the family, family members need to agree on expectations and goals, which is also the first step in balancing the impact of electronics on family intimacy.
The whole family should pay attention to this question and analyze it together: Is screen use really bothering your relationship and the time you spend together, and to what extent?
In addition, online life between family members should also intersect, rather than being independent.
Electronics should not be a child's private or personal behavior, otherwise there will be a wall between the parent and the child, and you don't know what he is doing—so that the regulatory behavior is impossible to enter, of course, he does not know what you are doing online - the child also needs to understand that the parent holding the phone may be buying family necessities or processing work, rather than playing with the phone.
By opening a conversation system with your child in the electronic world, you can influence him.
If parents blindly oppose their children, there are only various restrictive routines, or every day they worry that their children are not sleeping and playing mobile phones, and they suspect that they are not doing their jobs on the Internet, such a way is difficult to maintain for a long time, and the psychological burden of parents will be very heavy, and the mentality is too tense. After all, parents are just outsiders to their children's online world and can't do anything.
Help your child build a sense of network boundaries
For primary school students, people who are familiar with each other offline, such as classmates, relatives, etc., can be directly moved to online communication, in addition, they do not need to establish a connection with strangers at this age.
Parents should discuss with them what makes them friends or ask them what makes them friends.
To teach children to use privacy settings, you can set up a refusal to let strangers join on social platforms. We have the initiative to choose and reject, and we can't come without refusing.
On the Internet, there should be a clear boundary in the child's perception of friendship – which is also part of the values – rather than simply attaching itself to the online platform, and social rejection is also an integral part of social etiquette and the embodiment of online values.
But children sometimes show great curiosity about their new friends: "Who wants to add me?" Who is he? "These people generally invite children to join groups to advertise and sell classes, and there are also malicious scams.
There are great opportunities to reach strangers online, and parents should guide their children to make informed and safe choices.
In terms of electronic payment, parents should pay attention to both the amount and password, whether it is to pay a two-dimensional code or a payment string, to teach children that they must never copy to others. In addition to guiding their children to understand the relevant content of electronic payment, it is more important for parents to add passwords to their payment accounts.
Rationally choose apps and strengthen network supervision
Parents should guide their children to use apps selectively to reduce the negative impact of electronic devices and lead education.
If in the page, the words "Manual DIY" and "Meitu Zone" are constantly scrolling. In addition, the software also contains some sections such as song table, love micro-tour, small mutual talk, etc., it is difficult for children to focus on learning after clicking on it, and even will be exposed to bad information.
Some professional software, seemingly simple, but hidden ads that are not suitable for children.
For example, some software that teaches painting, although there is also teaching content, but from time to time push some content that children cannot understand, it is impossible to prevent it. Parents should pay more attention to many times and carefully understand the app their children are using.
Create a good electronic home style
Children learn by observing their parents' behavior, and when they talk to you, do you respond to them while sending a text message? Do you call endlessly during dinner time and with customers? When your child is around, will you not be able to help but glance at the new news in the circle of friends from time to time?
When parents are accompanying their children, whether it is writing homework or playing with them, they can mute the mobile phone in advance and do not expose the mobile phone to the child's eyes to ensure that the parents' companionship is single-minded.
If you make your child aware that family time is important, they will also value it.
We can also sometimes ask children which of their dislikes your electronic product-related habits the most, maybe we know it, maybe we don't know it, but it's always good to know what the child thinks.
Such exchanges also reflect a kind of cooperation in the use of electronics, showing the greater sincerity of parents in the family electronic life community.
In addition, family members can also discuss together, arrange the frequency, habits and operation of electronic products, make a plan for the ideal family life, and look forward to bringing a positive impact to the family.
For example, limit the number of hours online in a week to two hours, or allow children to surf the Internet on weekends.
You can also schedule a "Family Wi-Fi Day" every week or month. Before this day, the whole family planned the day's "Wi-Fi-free activities", and on that day, the Internet was directly disconnected, and the whole family enjoyed a good time without electronic interference and with each other.
You can also participate in your child's online activities, play games with him, share funny pictures, valuable information, books or articles.
And in electronic use, there is often interaction and communication with children. If you want to make the connection stronger, you can also give each member the right to press the pause button.
Before the Internet, we didn't have as much convenience, and we could choose TV content or press "Pause" at any time. People can ask their own questions, exchange ideas, and connect the plot of the movie to their own family life.
The sooner this family tradition begins, the better, and if your child has begun to be drawn into the electronic world, then hurry up and pull them back into the warm world of reality.
In the Internet era, we inevitably live a two-sided life: on the one hand, the reality is beautiful, the breeze is bright and bright, and on the other hand, it is Internet surfing, infinite transcendence.
This article is compiled from "Caring for Children in the Cloud: A Psychologist's Guide to Chinese Families' Online Usage"
Silver, published by CITIC Publishing Group
"Caring for the Children of the Clouds"
We also have these activities
-End-
2022.2.11
Editor: Sangsang | Review: Yoyo