As parents, my generation is probably the most confused. When we were young, our parents beat and scolded casually, and as a result we rarely rebelled, had a good personality, and were physically and mentally healthy. When we are parents, we are surrounded by voices of exhortation to parents: parents cannot hit their children, cannot scold their children, and cannot lose their temper with their children, because their mental health will be hurt. Therefore, there are many parents around us who dare not lose their temper with their children, and when they can't bear it, they can endure it again, and as a result, the child is more vulnerable.
Never "lose your temper" with your child, will your baby be more successful in the future? I'm afraid it's disappointing for parents
My friend Old Song has only one son, Pengpeng, who is 10 years old this year. This child has been regarded as a treasure since childhood, and the parents are obedient to this child, never speaking loudly to the child, and have not lost their temper with the child.
Pengpeng is in the third grade of primary school, his academic performance is very average, not good or bad, and he is a more obedient child. Mom and Dad have never had too high requirements for their children, and only hope that he can grow up healthy and happy.
At the beginning of the new semester, a new math teacher came to my son's class. In math class, PengPeng was talking to his classmates and was discovered by the teacher. The teacher went to them and tapped his finger on the table, saying, "The teacher lectures and you talk, the third grade, don't you understand such a little classroom discipline?" Pengpeng quickly lowered his head and did not look up at the teacher for a whole lesson.
The next morning, Pengpeng did not get up on time, and he was called up by his mother, and he refused to eat. Mom and Dad don't know what's going on, and the kids just won't go to school anyway. Later, the child said, "I'm afraid of the new math teacher, he's talking so loudly!" I didn't dare go to school anymore. ”
Old Song had no choice but to call and communicate with the teacher, and he said to the teacher: "Our child is too timid, the teacher should not speak loudly to him in the future, the child is too scared to go to school today." Can you be gentle with your child in the future and not talk with a straight face? The teacher was silent for a moment and then agreed.
Now, this teacher is also not good, can not scold the students, can not speak loudly to the students, not angry, not allowed to face. If the child makes a mistake, he should also tell the child with a pleasant face: "You don't want to do this next time." It is estimated that it is always pleasant and has no effect on the child's education.
Many parents have been affected by one-sided influences on how to communicate with their children. We often hear some parenting experts or people around us say that parents lose their temper with their children, which is very harmful to their children, and parents cannot lose their temper with their children.
In the communication with the child, if at any time, you are pleasant to the child, that is harmful to the child, the child's personality may cause some defects.
Parents never lose their temper, children are uncultured, have no rules, and are grumpy
I have seen a malicious case of hurting people on the Internet, a 17-year-old boy, because of an argument with a classmate, he smashed the head of a classmate. When the police questioned him, the child actually lost his temper with the police: "You hurry up and let me go home, my mother said I'm fine, I'm still a child, you don't dare to do anything with me." ”
Parents are reluctant to lose their temper with their children, when their children encounter danger to their lives, he may not know to be afraid, and when the children do something wrong, they feel that they should be taken for granted. A 17-year-old child, without a little legal knowledge and no understanding of right and wrong, is completely the consequence of his parents indulging in him.
We've seen bear children on many occasions whose behavior has seriously affected others, but the parents seem as if they didn't see it. They teach the child patiently out of the protection of the child's young mind. If the child does not listen, he can only use the reason of "he is still a child" to let him play freely. The result of this can only be to make the child wait for society, the law, these people who will not be accustomed to him to educate.
Children have never seen their parents lose their temper, and their psychological quality is too poor to withstand a little pressure
Just like this son of old Song, he was taught by the teacher for two sentences, and he felt that he could not bear it mentally. Mom and Dad came forward to communicate with the teacher, believing that the teacher also agreed in the case of helplessness in his heart.
If the child has already joined the work and he is not doing a good job, the boss or the leader cannot criticize him? If the boss criticizes a few words, will he resign and go home?
Parents have never lost their temper with their children, they have not even said a "no" word, the child's life experience has never been frustrated, how can he have the ability to resist setbacks? "Ma Bao Male" and "Giant Baby", such children, it is estimated that this is how they were raised.
Parents always scold their children, or often lose their temper with their children, which is of course wrong and will have a bad impact on the child. However, we have never spoken out loud to our children, we have never lost our temper, and it is not necessarily a good thing for our children's growth. Therefore, how to communicate with children has become a problem faced by many parents.
Some experts say that we can't scold children, and some experts say that we must make rules for children, who should we listen to?
Can not be too indulgent to the child, can not be too harsh on the child, parents of their own language and emotions, behavior to have a more reasonable grasp of the scale, the specific situation should be treated specifically, can not be one-size-fits-all.