A disheveled drunken woman shouted in the street: "Why do I have 20 villas, 5 Bentleys, 200 million deposits, but no one wants to marry me?" A young man in the shape of a scholar stepped forward

A disheveled drunken woman shouted in the street: "Why do I have 20 villas, 5 Bentleys, 200 million deposits, but no one wants to marry me?" ”

A young man who looked like a student stepped forward and said, "I'm willing to marry you!" ”

The woman was very happy, and she hugged the man and left. Just two steps away, several big men rushed out and arrested the woman.

The young man asked in horror, "Why did you take my wife?" ”

A big man shouted angrily, "Roll! She was a patient in our psychiatric hospital and just ran out! ”

1, I just bought a new car, my girlfriend went to learn a driver's license.

My girlfriend is timid and needs me to accompany her every time she goes to practice.

Her coach had a bad temper and often cursed.

Today I accompanied my girlfriend to practice driving, and I found that the coach did not say the particularly famous sentence "Hang a piece of meat for the dog today, it will drive".

So I asked the coach: Coach, you used to say this at least three times an hour, why don't you say it now?

The coach said: Yesterday afternoon, a trainee really brought me a dog, or a Tibetan mastiff!  

2, my girlfriend called me to say that her parents were not at home, let me go to her house to play. Of course I couldn't ask for it, so I went. After finishing the matter, I put my arms around my girlfriend to watch TV together, and suddenly heard a movement in the door lock outside, and my girlfriend was shocked and said: No, my parents seem to be back, what to do. In a hurry, my girlfriend dragged me to the room, opened the closet and let me fit in. Then the girlfriend pretended to be calm and returned to the hall to watch TV. After a while, the girlfriend's mother suddenly came in. I inspected it, walked to the front of the closet, opened the closet, and called me out with a smile and said: A big man is afraid of something, don't hide. Then went to the kitchen and made me a big table of delicious food. Haha, now think about it, the feeling of hiding in the closet, not to mention how exciting it is.

3. After the failure of entrepreneurship, he went to the kindergarten in the town as a teacher. On this day, the head of the school will come to the school for a meeting. I said to the children: When the head of the kindergarten comes, I raise my hand and you applaud, I put down my hand and you will stop, and if you do well, eat candy at noon. Then the head of the kindergarten came, I raised my hand, the children began to applaud, and the head of the kindergarten also clapped together, saying: Not bad. I lowered my hand, and the children stopped, only the head of the kindergarten was still clapping. Suddenly, a child rushed out and kicked the head of the kindergarten: You don't want to eat candy at noon?

4, the first time after graduating from college, there was a male friend who asked me to dinner, before going out, my mother looked at me and advised: The first time to date a boy, be reserved, don't be as arrogant as at home!

After saying that, Qiang Sai gave me a thousand dollars. I wondered: Aren't all men paying for it now?

Girls don't have to bring money! My mother looked at me hesitantly and said: The man's obstruction is estimated to invite you to dinner, and after eating, I estimate that I have to pay for other money by yourself, and the opportunity will be greater!

Me: Mom, didn't you always say that I was the most beautiful when I was growing up?

5, a female colleague kicked open the door of the manager's room, manager: what do you do? Female colleague: Why didn't you pay me this month, everyone is working for the leader, but the position is different, don't I take a few days off, what about my salary? Manager: In January you take 23 days off, in February you take 20 days off, in March you take 23 days off, how to pay you. Female colleague: Don't you have 8 days off every month? Manager: It's a weekend off, you're not asking for leave, you're resigning!

6. My cousin has been divorced twice, and has not found a partner since. On this day, my cousin said that she had found a returnee and wanted to invite me to eat a plate of grilled meat for 138 yuan. I went happily, and at the dinner table, my cousin sighed, "It's 25 years old... I also sighed: "Yes, time flies so fast, you are getting married again..." My cousin gave me a blank look and said, "I mean, you have eaten 25 plates!" ”

7, Xiaoming's family downstairs has a mobile public toilet, Xiaoming was smoked can not stand it, so he found a very deep stinky ditch, and with his friends secretly pushed the public toilet into it, the next day with his father about this matter, the result of 'pop' was slapped a big slap, Xiaoming shouted: "Washington cut down trees when his father did not beat him, why did you beat me?" His dad shouted angrily, "Was his dad in the tree when Washington cut down the tree?" ”

8, the unit has a female manager, are forty years old and not married, the family every day urges. The female manager frequently gave me a salary increase during this time, and the request was to let me be his boyfriend, and I directly agreed. Who wouldn't get over money? It didn't take long for me to find out that the money was really not so easy to earn. Since I promised the manager, the female colleagues of the unit have all respected me and said that I am a rich woman. How can you say that about me, how can I be a jade tree facing the wind and a gentleman. The careful thinking of my colleagues annoyed me, and since you like to choreograph me so much, you will follow everyone's wishes. Then, I became the manager's real boyfriend!

9, home from work, the wife suddenly came over and said: Honey, I accidentally broke up your newly purchased Asus rog super god x, you don't blame me, right? I touched her head and said, "No, if you're all right, it's a sunny day." My wife immediately kissed me happily: Husband, you are so good. Me: Roll, if you don't arrange it well, get me out.

10. During the meal, my 12-year-old son suddenly whispered to me: "Daddy, I want to ask you a small question!" "Say it," I looked at him curiously, wondering what childish questions this little trick could ask. "Do you know what ML means?" ...... I leaned on, and I was shocked: "I don't know much, it could be a brand trademark name." He triumphantly took out a drink bottle and said, "Ml is ml, stupid!"

11, the mother asked the father: I have not been fat recently, I feel that I have eaten too much recently, and I have a heavy feeling all over my body! Dad listened and agreed: Yes, you see your little belly, although I don't hate you for being fat, but when you are older, your body is not good! The old mother slapped me: Men are duplicitous, it turns out that you not only dislike me fat, you even dislike my old age.