The girlfriend who has been in love for 3 years has a good relationship with a rich second generation, and I am heartbroken, and I don't eat or drink all day. My roommate was very worried, so he introduced my single cousin to me, and I was very touched

The girlfriend who has been in love for 3 years has a good relationship with a rich second generation, and I am heartbroken, and I don't eat or drink all day. My roommate was very worried, so he introduced my single cousin to me, and I was very touched. After waking up in the morning, I noticed that my roommate had a little cough and planned to give him cold medicine, but I gave laxatives by mistake. After returning to the dormitory in the evening, I asked: Does this medicine work? The roommate said coldly: It really works, cough and pull a pants, cough pull a pants, I don't dare to cough now.

2, I drank a lot of wine in the bar, even the road is unstable, no way, had to slowly climb back, when I got home, my wife was already asleep, I secretly took off my clothes and climbed into bed. When I woke up the next morning, my wife asked, "Did you go drink again?" I said: No, how could it be! The wife said that the bar was called and your wheelchair was left there.

3, the brother-in-law colleagues gathered and drank big on the road and bumped into a pregnant woman, resulting in a miscarriage. People demanded 600,000 yuan in compensation, and my daughter-in-law sold my Prado in order to help my brother-in-law pay back the money. When I went to work the next morning, I had to catch the bus. By the time we got to the platform, the car had started. So I had to chase after me and shout, "Master, wait for me!" Master, wait for me! Just then, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Eight precepts, you don't want to chase." ”

4. RT-Mart participated in the lottery and won the first prize for a seven-day trip abroad. After getting on the plane, I fell in love with a flight attendant at first sight. I immediately went to confess that she actually promised me. The next morning the goddess snuggled up in my arms and asked me: What does it feel like now? I said honestly: I still feel a little incredulous. The stewardess touched my face and said: Fool, I don't believe you pinch your own face. I did, and then I woke up.

5. A: I heard that your child fell in love early? B: Yeah, I've been worried about this lately. A: You can transfer your child to a boys' school and isolate yourself from girls. B: No. A: Why? This is the best way to prevent early love. B: Let him learn to be like your child?

6. Yesterday, a late student entered the school and saw the teacher crying, crying while saying: Teacher, my school bag is gone. In his intermittent narration, I knew what had happened, the child got up late in the morning, met a farm car on the way to the school, because it was a road and would definitely pass by the school, this boy ran quickly and threw the bag first, but the person did not go up...

7, the wife just recently got a driver's license, take advantage of the holiday to practice, the morning to drive out to buy breakfast. After a while, I was woken up by her in my sleep: "Husband get up quickly, I bought a lot of breakfast, bun fritters and soy milk everything." I asked her in surprise, "Just the two of us, why do you buy so much?" How can you ask someone to help you move back? The wife said awkwardly: "I just accidentally knocked over the breakfast stall, people are here to get money." "Me: ???

8, a few months ago, my mother introduced me to the blind date, chatted very well, and also determined the relationship. One day we went shopping and she suddenly said she wanted to look at my phone. I wanted to return this set to me, but fortunately I had prepared for it, and everything that should have been deleted was deleted. When she was secretly happy, she said: You also play duan? I said: Hmm. Only to see her smile and open my paragraph, suddenly threw the phone to the ground, and said: Let's break up! Later, the phone could not get through, WeChat would not be, just now I finally couldn't help but send her a text message asking her: Why did you break up with me? She faintly came back with four words: the points are too high!

9, I was a child king when I was a child, although I was a girl, I was naughtier than boys... My uncle got married and let the children press the bed, that is, a large number of children jumped around in the bed, which means that after marriage, you will have a noble son early, and your children and grandchildren will be full of children... Enough of playing with the two boxes of "wrestling cannons" I hid in the quilt...

10, with the wife back to the countryside mother's home, it happens that the sister-in-law also brought the boyfriend back, at night the young man and I were arranged to sleep upstairs one by one, the wife and the sister-in-law slept downstairs. Early in the morning, my mother-in-law was downstairs calling for breakfast, and I was standing on the balcony stretching my waist when I got dressed, but I caught a glimpse of my sister-in-law sneaking out of her boyfriend's room with sleepy eyes... At breakfast, I quietly talked to my wife about this, and my wife gave me a blank look: Don't you know that my sister has sleepwalking? I still don't understand the style and mouth: Then why didn't I see her swim in the wrong room?

1 After breaking up with the female boss last night, I had no place to rest and went to the Internet café for a night, who knows that the current Internet café is precious, in my memory, the Internet café should have been 2 yuan an hour, and now when I checked out this morning, I said that I consumed 200, ask carefully, it turned out that now an hour is 30 yuan. I heard that Internet cafes have basically closed down, and now that I think about it, it should be closed, it is too expensive.

12, I have known my girlfriend for more than twenty years, and grew up in a small piece. When I was in elementary school, we agreed that when she grew up, she would marry me. However, we didn't get married until we were thirty. I can't help but sigh: I already knew I wanted to get married, why did I drag it out for so many years! My wife said: There is a reason for that, when I was in my teens, I agreed, my parents did not agree; in my twenties, my parents agreed, I did not agree; this is not, seeing that I am thirty years old, our family is united!

13. Reason to ask: Can I sleep after staying up late and sleepy? A: No sleep, absolutely not. Once you go to bed, you can't become a champion of staying up late, greatly shortening the entertainment time, not being able to get up early in the morning for breakfast, not being able to go out for fresh air, and not being able to enjoy the daytime game time. Promise me, no matter how sleepy, don't sleep, sleeping is equal to wasting time, wasting time equals chronic suicide.

14, last night's mood is not good, make an exception to go to KTV to drink, would not have drunk, before leaving also sang a song "Beijing Beijing", humming songs while walking, on the taxi also hummed actually fell asleep, in the morning the driver woke me up: Beijing has arrived! I opened my eyes and looked at the meter: twelve thousand eight hundred and fifteen yuan, I said: Master, you have come to Beijing, master said: Last night I asked you several times, you said Beijing Beijing, I thought you were in a hurry to see the national flag raised! Nyima's, now think about it all feel afraid, fortunately did not sing Tengger's "Heaven" last night, alas, drinking is risky, singing needs to be cautious!