Go to work and share a room with a girl, the girl is not very pretty, but the body maintenance is particularly good, every night after work to cook ask me to borrow salt, although it is not valuable, but the time is long

Go to work and a girl to share a house, the girl is not very pretty, but the body maintenance is particularly good, every night after work to cook ask me to borrow salt, although it is not valuable, but for a long time I also annoyed her, I said: "Why don't you buy it yourself"? "No money," she said. I couldn't afford two pieces of salt, and I said, "Then you might as well eat with me." The shared girl was very happy and took the initiative to cook for me to eat on the same day. After three days I wouldn't let her cook for me, because I found out that she liked to lie, and she told me that she didn't have any money, but I found that she earned 100,000 yuan a month, two apartments, and a car. She said that lying was to talk to me, but I think the most important thing for people is to be honest, and I value the heart of gold, not money.

2. A man asked the old monk, "As a Buddhist monk, how are you different from us ordinary people?" The old monk: "Of course it's different, you live to eat, and I eat to live." The man was sick and asked the old monk, "What is the point of a man living?" Still suffering from illness? Old monk: "I haven't figured it out yet, so I'm trying to live." The man did something wrong and asked the old monk, "Why do people apologize?" What's the benefit? The old monk: "An apology does not hurt the apologizer or the person who accepts the apology. "Man:" ..." The old monk: "Alas, as a Buddhist monk, I still have to go to the toilet conveniently, you say, I have become a big!" Teacher, why do you still have to be convenient for yourself? "Man:"

3. The old man was a teacher before retirement, with a monthly pension of 7900 yuan. Yesterday, he was bullied by a small trader while buying vegetables at the market. Just when the old man was embarrassed, a small came out to pack up for him. Then the little bastard beat up the little trader and said to the old man: In the future, if you encounter such a situation, you will tell them that you are my teacher, and no one will dare to touch you. The old man came home and asked me: Is this a success of education or a failure of education?

4, I want to buy a new coat, my mother does not agree, she said I have several down jackets, in the closet to put it. After saying that, the mother found the clothes. Dad quickly stopped and said: These are outdated, or buy new ones for your girlfriend! Because of this, the two had a fight and almost started to move. Later, I secretly stuffed the money in my coat pocket to my father, so that the two could reconcile!

5, there is a big deal today, I went to the bank to withdraw a million cash. No sooner had he pulled it out and put the money in a bag than a man shouted, "Don't move!" "I jumped, thinking that this was a robbery, so everyone was stunned and motionless. Then my brain began to run fast, thinking about how to get out of here safely, and the security guard nervously leaned over with the electric baton. At this time, I only heard the man shout again: "My contact lenses have fallen off, don't you break them for me!" ”

6, working at Foxconn, a colleague is 22 years old, but he has a circle of beard, very old. When I first went to work this morning, I said to me depressedly, "Never do the bus again." I asked, "Is it called uncle again?" He said: "This morning I gave way to a mother with a child, and when I sat down, my mother said to her baby: 'Thank you Uncle!'" ’”

7, my son got tired of playing with toy cars, music guns, let me buy him new toys. So I bought him a Rubik's Cube from the market, which could be played for a long time and puzzle. Seeing that he didn't have a clue, I took the Rubik's Cube and said: Stupid, look at me!! Then, my hands swirled like electricity, dazzling my son. Suddenly, I twisted the Rubik's Cube apart...

8. Senior internship, working as a manual customer service in Didi, the female manager who has been widowed for many years pays special attention to me. Later, after a long time, I felt that she was interesting to me, and I had a lot of ideas about her. I drank some wine that night and confessed to her V-letter while I was drunk. What I didn't expect was that she replied to me: Do you know the three major illusions of life? Me: Which three? Her: Brother one always feels that someone calls you, second always feels that his mobile phone is ringing, and third always feels that I like you. Then, she just blacked me out.

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #