1, go to a large company for an interview on the weekend, before leaving, the female general manager asked me: "Monthly salary of 12,000, with a car, can I come to work tomorrow?" "I was about to say yes when I suddenly felt that the woman was always a little bit

1, go to a large company for an interview on the weekend, before leaving, the female general manager asked me: "Monthly salary of 12,000, with a car, can I come to work tomorrow?" I was about to agree, when I suddenly felt that the female general manager was a little familiar, so I asked, "Do you know Wang Yue?" "Wang Yue is my ex-girlfriend's name, and she broke up last month when she found out she split her legs.? The woman said: "I am her mother, so I will provide you with another apartment, can you come to work tomorrow?" I refused: "If you think these conditions can make me a father... Then you're thinking wrong about me, I'm not that cheap!"" Wait a minute! The female president stopped me and said: "Yueyue's father died three years ago, and you are a man in the family..."?

2. My cousin divorced his wife because he didn't wash his feet every day when he slept. After a few days, my mother introduced an object to my cousin, and when he returned from the blind date, I asked curiously: "Brother, how about the blind date?" Cousin: "It's like the heroine who came out of the nostalgic movie of youth." Me: "Really fake, so good, pure and beautiful?" Cousin: "No, I had a fetus." ”?

3. A few years ago, when I was in my junior year in Tongji, there was a female classmate who was a down-to-earth foodie. On this day, she went to eat a large bowl of beef noodles and was embarrassed to order again, so she went out for a circle and came back to the boss and shouted to the boss that you just saw someone who was exactly like me?? The owner said she ate the bowl noodles and left. My friend said: That's my twin sister, who also brought me a bowl of noodles. You say women can't pretend to die for the sake of face??

4. Today, my son came home happily and gave me a piece of chocolate. Son: There was a classmate who scored a hundred points in today's exam, and the teacher rewarded him with a lot of chocolates. Dad: Then you also have to refuel, and you will have chocolate to eat for a hundred points. Son: I'm not stupid, I don't take a hundred points. Dad: Why? Son: His chocolates were snatched up by our class.

5. Hour Wu. The hero sees more, practicing the ladder cloud vertical, that is, the left foot steps on the right foot, and it will fly higher and higher. At that time, every day I had sandbags tied to my legs and ran and jumped every day. I looked for the essence again: Gongshu practices every day. One day meditate and feel God. The work has been accomplished. Bounce off the second floor, and then, and then eat noodles without opening your mouth......... Because a few teeth fell out

6, and talked about the college boyfriend for three years broke up, full of memories of the two of us together, can't stand it, go to the girlfriend's house for a few days. My girlfriend is on a business trip, I can't cook, and I can only eat quick-frozen dumplings every day at home. Yesterday afternoon, Yan Mi came back and yelled at me: "I haven't been at home for a few days, what have you done with the rolling pin at home?" I looked innocent: "Eating dumplings without chili sauce, I used it to pound garlic once and chili peppers to make chili sauce!" The girlfriend turned her head and walked away angrily, stingy, as for being so angry? Chili sauce won't let me eat it.

7. The female manager has suffered from infertility for many years, and her husband divorced her in a fit of anger. I looked at the female manager very poor, so I spent 100,000 yuan to marry her back home. The next day after the wedding, she said to me: Honey, how good is it that you set my photo to a mobile phone screen, and you can see me as soon as you open the screen. Me: Then if I am a sliding screen to unlock, it is not like smoking you!? The female manager was furious: Divorce!?

8, at night in the bedroom to play LOL clone game, the young son suddenly ran in. He said to me: Dad, I'm so hot, I want to turn on the air conditioner!! I advised: My son obeyed, and I couldn't eat this bit of bitterness at a young age?? Air conditioning is particularly expensive electricity, to know that when I was a child, there was no fan, you can only use paper folding to fan the fan, your grandmother is afraid of my heat, give me cold water, or you go to drink some cold water?? Son: I understand all this, but why is the air conditioner in your room on? I said calmly: That's because I've already suffered.

9, it is already early in the morning, the little uncle called the girl he has liked for a long time. After connecting, he could hear that there was something wrong inside. The little uncle said: You are busy first! But the phone did not hang up, and the little uncle saw that she had not hung up the phone. So, the little uncle put the mobile phone to his ear and listened to the sound on the phone. After about 20 minutes, the girl on the phone smiled and said: Have you heard enough? I've been running for 20 minutes.

10. Today, the girlfriend asked Kaijie: What is the foil? Kaijie told her that the foil is to reflect another thing or phenomenon through one thing. And for example: for example, a pot of flowers, with its unassuming green leaves, the flowers appear more beautiful. At this time, the child's grandfather came listlessly. The girlfriend asked Grandpa: Why are you not happy? Grandpa said: Your aunt will meet tomorrow, she is not tall, people are not beautiful, afraid that the man will not look up. At this time, the girlfriend immediately said by surname: Grandma, don't worry, let my mother and aunt go together. At that time, my wife said confusedly: People are on a blind date, what am I going to do? The girl said: You can set it off.

11, the academic can not find any good job, so they drove the family van to deliver the goods. This morning to a KTV beer, at the intersection of ten fingers to wait for the traffic light when the Civic buddy asked me if I have opened the Civic? When I was stunned, I ran through the red light. I smiled and thought to myself that this dude was really willful, I kicked the accelerator faster, and in a few moments I overtook the Civic. Unexpectedly, the brother caught up with me again and asked: Has the eldest brother ever opened the Civic? I ignored him and kicked the throttle away, and in front of me, he overtook me and hit a tree, and I stepped forward and said happily: Dude, have you ever driven the Civic? He replied with tears: I asked you to brake there because I hadn't opened it, why didn't you tell me!

12. I am an APP developer who designs automatic quantitative feeding of cows for the farm. As the cow approaches the trough, the sensor scans the cow's collar to see if it has been fed today. However, there were several cattle with high IQs in the ranch who quickly learned a trick. They forced the other cows to punch in front of the trough and waited for the grass to come out before driving them away to eat themselves. My hard-earned APP was cracked by a few cows, I was too hard!?

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