What to do if the child loves to lose his temper, this article tells you!
It is said that children are little angels sent by Heaven, which bring endless happiness to adults who are parents.
The person who said this must not have experienced the little angel's tantrum, stomping his feet, shouting, crying, or even destroying things...
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Yesterday, A parent heard a parent talking about his child downstairs:
I almost gave my son two slaps. He was tired enough, but he had to go out and buy a toy called "Crystal Clay".
I told him in a good voice that my mother was tired and would go tomorrow.
Unwillingly, he tugged at my clothes toward the door and shouted, "I don't want to, I want to go today, go now, hurry up and hurry up!!! ”
My heart was on fire, so I ignored him.
After a while, a loud "bang" was heard, and the chair was pushed to the ground, and he stood to the side and pouted at me, like an enemy.
The more I think about it, the more angry I am, 4 years old, I have gone to kindergarten, how can I be so ignorant! If it wasn't for his dad stopping me, I would have really beaten him.
The mother said this, sighing: "The bigger the child, the bigger the temper." Now I have to endure the anger every day when I go back, even if I can't control it one day and break his leg..."
Why do children often lose their temper "without a word"? What exactly do children need? ”
Many parents believe that a child's tantrum is a manifestation of being spoiled. It also draws an equal sign between tantrums and disobedience...
But in fact, behind the child's tantrum, there are many small secrets that you may not be aware of...
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The root cause of a child's tantrum
What to do?
Tantrums in 1-2 year olds: needs are not met in time.
Want a small fork on the table, don't give it to him, immediately cry and make a fuss...
Mom is going to work, can't accompany me, immediately crying ...
At this stage, babies begin to learn to walk, and they are bent on trying to do things independently, using various methods to prove their ability to "control everything".
They want to develop themselves, but are incompetent and unclear about the concept of themselves and others. Therefore, the baby always fights with himself and can't live with his parents.
If parents cannot fully understand the baby and still take care of and protect them "meticulously", the baby will be frequently frustrated, become irritable, and even clash with the parents.
In addition, the baby at this stage begins to enter the first rebellious period, self-awareness develops rapidly, and there are often situations where needs are not met.
However, due to poor language expression and control, they have difficulty communicating with their parents with words, and their movements develop faster than language, and tantrums have become a common way for babies to express emotions at this stage.
2-3 year old baby tantrums: break his sense of order.
Wear a shirt and then pants first, if the order is reversed, immediately lose your temper...
The car is placed on the table, the doll is placed on the bed, and if the position is wrong, immediately throw a tantrum...
The cookie broke down a little, incomplete, and immediately lost his temper...
3-4 year olds lose their temper: want more rights.
The child did not want to get up, and the mother kept urging: "Hurry up and get dressed, otherwise you will be late." ”
Child: I just don't! Snap ~ throw clothes on the ground...
Child: "I want to eat chocolate!" ”
Mother: "No, you must finish eating before you can eat." ”
Child: "I want to eat ~ I want to eat ~ I don't want to eat!" ”
Babies aged 4-6 lose their temper: setbacks.
At this stage, children already have a strong sense of self, and self-esteem begins to sprout.
They want to control everything and do everything well, but they often want to do things well because they are too anxious, and once they encounter setbacks, they will have emotional outbursts.
Children lose their temper, it is indeed a bad behavior, but this can be taught, but more reprimands, only distance and psychological shadows are left.
As a parent, don't always think about "transforming" your children, but should learn to "sculpt".
As early as hundreds of years ago, Wang Yangming said: "Bad emotions are not enough wisdom." ”
We can't ask children by adult standards, after all, the books they have read and the roads they have traveled are limited, but as parents, we have the responsibility to use the way of "one stability, two listening, three quiet, four untaught, and five fierce" to let them have the "wisdom" to control emotions.
1. "Stability" means that parents should be stable.
Buddhist sayings: The angry, the slave of the heart. If you want your child not to lose his temper, first of all, parents must set a good example, whether it is in ordinary life, or in the face of others who lose their temper with themselves, do not be emotional slaves.
2. "Listening" means that parents listen carefully.
Children will not lose their temper for no reason, and parents should learn to listen carefully and understand the root cause. Get closer to the child.
3. "Quiet" means waiting for the child to calm down.
The Tao Te Ching says: Quiet is the king of mania. Jing can overcome the irritability in the human body and restore people's sanity.
When the child loses his temper, it does not make sense for you to reason with him, first let him finish the temper, wait for the emotions to pass, and then give him a quiet time to repair himself and reflect on himself.
4. "Not teaching" means that parents are not in a hurry to preach.
Imagine that you have just calmed down and there is a person who is around you and keeps preaching reason, will you feel comfortable?
No! You will think that he is accusing you from the moral high ground! It's hard for you to listen to what he says.
To communicate with your child, to create something in common with him, you can say:
"I was like you when I was a kid, and I remember once because of a toy..."
"I understand how you feel, and I used to..."
Allowing the child to vent and recognize the child's emotions, making the child feel that you are not on his side, and then gradually speaking his opinion will make it easier for him to listen.
5. "To be ruthless" means that parents should be cruel to their children's excessive desires.
Adopted sons are not taught as donkeys, and adopted daughters are not taught as pigs. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that people restrain their desires.
Principled issues parents should be "ruthless" and must not give in no matter what.
And we must teach children to reflect more from an early age, experience the feelings of others, appropriately restrain their own desires, and cannot do whatever they want.
It's also a message to the child that crying is useless for a lot of things.
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The child loses his temper
It's actually "asking for help."
In fact, don't say children, even adults, there will be times when you can't control your temper. Let's think about it, why do we lose my temper?
It is nothing more than being wronged, unhappy in the heart, and wanting to vent negative emotions.
A psychologist once said that children's tantrums are actually a manifestation of their inner vulnerability, which seems to be putting pressure on their parents, but is actually asking for help from the closest people.
They don't lose their temper with others, because in his subconscious, only their parents are the closest people, and only their parents can let themselves be unscrupulous and help themselves heal.
And he took off his disguise and spilled without reservation, although this way is not good, but it is also sending a distress message to his parents: I am uncomfortable, please help me.
Writer Rebbs said:
The child throws a tantrum at you, is to let you go into his heart to solve the problem, we should be happy.
But how many children have sent out a distress signal to their parents again and again, but in exchange for bone-chilling violence?
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A child who doesn't even dare to lose his temper
The most pathetic
If you are a child, asking for help from a person one after another, and the only things that can be replied to you are scolding and violence, will you still be close to him?
Do not do to others what you do not want. Children, like us, can feel that their parents have a bad attitude towards themselves, so they are getting farther and farther away.
At the age when they should be playing and laughing, they have lost the temper and willfulness that children should have, looking at the faces of adults, deeply afraid that if they are not careful, they will attract the dissatisfaction of their parents, and they tremble every day.
Some psychological studies have pointed out that excessive depression in childhood and lack of luster have a greater probability of suffering from depression in adulthood.
Parents are negligent for a while and scold their children, which is likely to cause shadows in the child's life.
Children's tantrums are a necessary stage in their growth.
As adults, we don't necessarily have to deal with our emotions, let alone children?
Therefore, when the child loses his temper, please be patient and patient with parents, learn to see through the real needs hidden behind the child's temper, and accompany the child to capture, accept and solve it.