In the variety show "Don't Underestimate Me", there was such a scene:
The 5-year-old boy "Thunder Thunder" has a hot temper, first breaking the balloons of other children, and then wrestling with people because of toys.
Zhang Meng, who was serving as a supporting officer, saw the situation and quickly stopped it, and said to Lei Lei: "Why are you like this? Can't bully other children! Are you good at it! ”
Lei Lei did not buy this, and after breaking free of Zhang Meng, he shouted "You have to be obedient"! He even lifted up the trash can on the side and threw it at Zhang Meng.
Children lose their temper is inevitable, many parents may have encountered similar scenes, and most of the coping methods are similar to Zhang Meng: directly confronting the child and wanting to stop it by reasoning or scolding.
However, the opposite is that after the child's strength comes up, scolding or reasoning him will not only fail to appease the child's emotions, but will arouse his rebellious psychology, and the conflict between parents and children will further escalate, making the child more rebellious.
In fact, children will not work against parents for no reason, parents' coping methods are crucial, scolding is the next policy, reasoning is the middle policy, and the real best policy, the application of parents is very few.
Why do children lose their temper?
For this question, many parents may blurt out:
"It must be unreasonable."
"The child is too naughty, disobedient, and it is useless to beat and scold."
In fact, there is also a "subtext" behind the child's tantrum, which is nothing more than a way to express inner thoughts, a release of emotions.
Psychologist Zeng Qifeng once said this:
"If a child throws a tantrum at you, he's saying two things: one is that I love you, and the other is that I can't stand it and needs your help."
Many times the reason why children lose their temper is actually to ask parents for help, because their own needs are not met.
Cai Shaofen once shared such an experience, once during dinner, she only cared about talking to her eldest daughter, and did not notice that the younger daughter had been calling her mother.
After a while, the little daughter's anger value was full, and she began to cry and lose her temper, at which time Cai Shaofen found that she had ignored her little daughter, quickly apologized, and rushed to comfort and soothe the little daughter's emotions.
Because children have limited expression ability and simple way of thinking, when the need is not "seen" by the parents, and they "can't hold on", tantrums, open their voices and cry, naturally become the most direct way of expression.
Children lose their temper, scolding is the next policy, reasoning is the middle strategy
When children lose their temper, many parents will take two methods, one is to scold the child non-stop, and the other is to try to be calm and reasonable to the child, but the results are often ineffective.
If the child loses his temper and we choose to scold the child, this is the "next policy".
Scolding the child is equivalent to ignoring his actual needs, leaving the child in the pain of having no way to seek help, which in turn triggers more intense emotions and makes the child's temper become bigger.
And when the child loses his temper and is scolded by the parents again and again, the character development is easily negatively affected, becoming timid, cowardly, dare not express his true thoughts, the parent-child relationship will become very tense, the parent-child relationship will become very tense, the parent subconsciously dislikes the children who often lose their temper, and the child's anger will become "hate", thus falling into a vicious circle.
And if we are keen to "reason" with our children, that is only the middle strategy.
Although constantly "reasoning" to children will not cause actual harm to children, it will not play a very good educational effect.
Due to incomplete brain development, compared with adults, the child's emotional control ability is defective, when the child loses his temper, the parents blindly reason, the child will only "left ear into the right ear out", and even produce resistance psychology, and so the next time encounter the same situation is still going their own way, there will be no change.
The child loses his temper, and this is the best way to deal with it
1. Accept your child's emotions
Children's tantrums are not equal to willfulness, and what we should do most is not to lose their temper and point out their mistakes, but to try to accept the child's emotions and let the children release them freely.
Just like Cai Shaofen's coping style above, when the neglected little daughter lost her temper, she did not choose to forcibly stop it, but accepted the child's negative emotions, touched the back of the little daughter for the first time, and said" I know that you are not happy, you cry", so that the child released the emotions.
After the little girl was comforted by her mother, she quickly adjusted her mood and said that she was much more comfortable.
2. Strive to empathize with your child
Many parents may find that when their children lose their temper, "oil and salt do not enter", and reasoning is useless.
In fact, at this time, we can try to empathize with the child, let the child understand that he is not alone, parents can really understand themselves, at this time the child can often return to rational thinking, but also recognize their own mistakes.
3. Carry out "real" education afterwards
When the child releases the negative emotions and can rationally look at the problem, we can guide the child to dredge and carry out "after-the-fact education".
For example, in the three chapters of the law with the child, it is agreed that when encountering similar situations in the future, how to express their own needs, how to control their temper, find better solutions, and reach a consensus with the child.
Crooked Mom Conclusion:
The child who loses his temper is actually like a shrunken hedgehog, full of spikes on the outside, but soft belly on the inside.
When we educate children, we should find their real appeals, guide and release children's emotions, rather than "hard confrontation" with them, and finally hurt the children and hurt themselves.
Today's topic: What do you do when your child loses his temper?