If the other party suddenly proposes to break up or divorce, you are caught off guard, feel that the previous two people have a particularly good relationship, and do not understand why he left. I want to tell you that this is most likely your one-sided delusion.
The biggest possibility is that he has already accumulated long-term dissatisfaction in the relationship that you didn't notice.
That is, in this relationship, your needs are in a state of satisfaction and stability, so you have always been very happy, and the other party is not this feeling, he has always felt that the needs are not met, until one day, he explicitly speaks out the dissatisfaction and solves the problem in the form of divorce and breakup.
In this type of emotional crisis, there are three possibilities.
1. The other party does not express the behavior pattern of the demand.
That is, in the relationship, he has always suppressed his own needs, never expressed his needs, and rarely showed dissatisfaction with you, so you did not realize it.
In such a situation, what needs to be done is to build a communication environment that makes the other party feel safe and comfortable, listen to the other party's feelings, and let him speak his true thoughts freely. First find out the real motives of his divorce, and then we can solve it in a targeted manner.
This kind of person, usually it is difficult to express his thoughts truthfully, there may be a strong father or mother, he will be strongly rejected by the mother or father when he expresses it from childhood, so there is no behavior mode of expressing needs, so we must first probe and hear the true voice of his heart, guide him to say his true feelings in his heart, and there is room for emotional problems to be solved.
2) You don't have the awareness to pay attention to the needs of the other person.
You may have said it many times, and you don't think it matters, and there hasn't been a heated conflict over it.
For example, every time he talks to you, you blame the other person and say it's not your problem. When he faces accusations, he will be silent and choose to suppress the needs of his heart. Feelings have returned to calm and calm, but the real problems have been suppressed, accumulated, and finally completely exploded.
3. A trigger event has appeared.
For example, the other party has a new opposite sex around him, and a mental or physical derailment has occurred, which has stimulated his long-suppressed dissatisfaction.
When this behavior occurs, his attitude towards you has changed, he may take the initiative to confess, or he may be perceived by you, and the marriage you feel very happy has encountered betrayal, and the marriage has encountered great challenges.
When encountering a situation where the partner mentions separation, first look at the specific one, different types of solutions are different, find the real problem, and then have the opportunity to solve the marital crisis.