The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I'm indignant

The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is also OK.?

2. The Jade Emperor asked a merchant and a young man, "Which one do you choose, a jujube tree or a thousand catties of dates?" Merchant: "I want a date tree!" Youth: "I want a thousand pounds of dates." The Jade Emperor shook his head and smiled at the youth, "This benefactor is superficial, it is better to teach people jujube trees, do you understand this truth?" When you sell the dates, they are gone, and the jujube trees can be used for a lifetime! The young man said, "I want a thousand catties of dates and then sell them, so I can buy a lot of jujube saplings." The merchant smiled: "You are afraid that you do not know the land price." ”

3. When I was studying at Tsinghua University before, there was a male god in the class, who was particularly handsome. However, the male god was very cold, and everyone slowly gave up the idea of pursuing him. Only I persevered, and finally Caught up with the male god as I wished. On this day, I said to my girlfriend in the bedroom: The great aunt did not come, is she pregnant with his species? The girlfriend gave me a blank look and said: "Impossible, unless you step on two boats."

4. I always have to buy new clothes all year round, and my husband always thinks that I buy too many clothes, but he is embarrassed to say that I am. When we were off work yesterday, we went back to our hometown to visit our in-laws. It just so happened that my mother-in-law had just returned from buying herself a few clothes from the mall. My husband felt that the opportunity to educate me had come, so he asked my father-in-law: Dad, my mother has so many clothes, and she buys them, why don't you care? The father-in-law said lightly: I have managed, I have always managed my mouth.

5. Working as a waiter in a bar, I was attracted to a rich woman who later bought me a Porsche. On this day I drove my Porsche back to my mother's house with my girlfriend, and they took me to the hotel for dinner and asked for a table of good wine and good food. During the meal, the mother-in-law accidentally got stuck by the fish bones when eating fish. As soon as I saw that this was not an opportunity to perform, I immediately ran out, asked the waiter for a cup of vinegar, and returned to the room to give it to my mother-in-law. She looked at me approvingly, then drank half a glass. She suddenly pointed to the back again, and I jerked my brain, and quickly picked up the remaining half cup of vinegar and splashed her back!

6. The rich man has only one son, and unfortunately the son suffers a brain injury and becomes demented. Today he went on a blind date, worshiping the golden girl: Do you have a car? Fuerdai: My dad has, Bentley Mulsanne. Gold Worship Girl: Do you have a room? Fu Er Dai: My dad has, Tomson Ichipin he is the boss. Gold Worship Girl: Do you have any savings? Rich second generation: My dad has, 10 billion. Gold Worship Girl: Then do you have a mother? Fuerdai: No. Gold-Worship: Great.

7. My cousin was eating at Lanzhou ramen yesterday, and there was an upstart in the shop, who kept calling the lady boss and urging the food to be served. My cousin really couldn't stand it, so he asked the hostess to give me a cup of tea first, and then took out 10,000 yuan and threw it on the table and said no need to look for it. The upstart was suddenly anxious, threw out 30,000 yuan, and told the hostess that he didn't need to look for it. Well, you're generous and you win, and the cousin silently bows his head to eat noodles, enduring the sneers of the upstarts. After the upstart left, the cousin said to the lady boss: "Mom, do you see how much I have been angry with you?" Hurry up and give me back my money. The hostess smiled slightly: "No!" ”

8. I have been working in the field since I graduated and have not returned home for 3 years. Yesterday I just came back to my sister's house, the little nephew saw that my uncle was called amiable, I took out 500 yuan to him, the little nephew did not want to live or die. My sister and I were very confused, and I praised him for growing up and really understanding things. When my sister went out to buy vegetables, my nephew said: Uncle, you can't give me money in front of my mother, she took it away, and now you can give it to me!

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #