1, I bought shampoo in Zhongbai, a grandfather walked around a few times and then said to me: "Boy, can you help me find my baby no." "How old am I, boys and girls?" Uncle said girl

1, I bought shampoo in Zhongbai, a grandfather walked around a few times and then said to me: "Boy, can you help me find my baby no." "How old am I, boys and girls?" Uncle said girl, forget how old you are, I look for a teenage girl based on the height of Uncle's comparison. But didn't find it. I told uncle to talk to the service desk, right? The frowning uncle suddenly grinned, pointed at my back and said, "Oh no, my baby is coming." As soon as I looked, an old lady with white hair hurried over with her little feet upside down: "What is the dead old man running blindly?"

2, customers do things, let me go to see, after reading, the boss asked me to ask for, I will explain the requirements clearly, to round a little smaller, the simpler the better, secretly means, do not be too publicity, the boss in order to make more money, choose high-end atmosphere on the grade products! I asked if this did not meet the customer's requirements! The boss said, you know what, such a large unit with stinginess, then how to do, we have to exceed customer requirements! So after the customer acceptance, a sentence to redo!

Although the 3-year-old rich woman is already the mother of 8 children, she can't see it out without looking at it carefully because she has been relying on needle maintenance. On this day, the rich woman asked the Tsinghua graduate student who was tutoring her youngest son: How old do you see me? Graduate: Look at your crystal teeth, like 25, look at your fluffy hair, there are 20 years old; look at your twisted waist, at most 30 years old. The rich woman jumped up with joy: Can you say exactly my age? Graduate Student: Please add up the three numbers I just said!

4, watched a few days of "Zhen Huan Biography", talked to the roommate and began to take the tone, "Hey, the cake you bought today is excellent, heavy cheese with rich mousse, is the best." I would like to take a few more sips, although I will gradually become weaker, but I will not live up to your kindness. "Speaking human language." "The cake is so delicious, I'm going to eat another one."

5, colleagues said that her husband has a unique job: a glance at others can guess your weight. I really don't believe it, just yesterday after work, I met them at the door of the company. Just let her husband guess how heavy I am. He looked at me, reported a number, and I was stunned: it was almost the same as my weight! "Are you a dietitian?" How do you guess your weight so accurately? I asked in amazement. He calmly replied: "No, I am a small businessman, and I often go to the countryside to buy pigs." If you miscalculate, you will lose money. ”

6, my mother is now retired every day at home nagging my father, all kinds of small things have to be counted down for half a day, my father basically does not say a word, just smile. Until yesterday morning I couldn't bear to fight back against my mom, saying how good my dad is, you don't have to talk about him endlessly. As a result, my mother did not have time to fight back against me, my father said: Your mother said that I did not say you, how can you child talk back to your mother?! Well, you are real feelings, I am a fake girlfriend, I can't afford to provoke...

7, when I was young, I wrote a diary, the teacher stipulated that it was more than 200 words, when there was a group of four people, there was a group leader to check the word count, and one of my brothers in the same group wrote that "today my mother let me go out to buy vegetables, I asked how much money is a pound, the vegetable seller said 5 points, I said: Really cheap, really cheap, really cheap..." The group leader counted the difference of 4 words, so brother Ren added a sentence in the back, really cheap.

8, she sighed and said, this deep in the middle of the night, there are only two of us in the whole sleeper private room, you will definitely bully me, forget it, I still directly do your girlfriend. I have a girlfriend for no reason, and I am quite dizzy, but this is also very good, and finally ended the single state. After getting off the train, I took her to a big meal, bought her jewelry bags and clothes, and her mood was obviously better, she smiled and said, I didn't expect you to be rich. I shook my head and said, I have worked for so many years, I have only saved tens of thousands of dollars, and today I spent all of it on you. She looked at me with a complicated look and said, You are really good to me, but your money has been spent, what should we do in the future? It's impossible to drink the northwest wind, right?

9, what is wrong with the current men, do you confess to me that I must accept it, but I just don't like you, in your eyes, I have become a handsome man who likes money and looks down on you? I don't like you no matter how rich and handsome you are, you have a relationship with me? Also threatened to say that in the future you will earn money and have a job to make me regret it? Please, even if you become the president of the United Nations, I don't like you, what do I regret, why do you confess to me that I refuse to feel like how much I have made a mistake? Is it wrong for Lao Tzu for a big man to only like women?

10. In the morning, students come to class and are elated! Me: How? Won the lottery? Student: Not really. Buy a bun in the morning, I should charge me five yuan five, I gave him 10 yuan, he returned me five yuan five, found me one more piece, haha! Me: Not bad! An hour later. Student: How am I hungry? Me: You just bought a bun in the morning, why are you hungry again? The classmate pondered for half a day, and suddenly yelled: At that time, I saw that I gave me an extra dollar, and when I was happy, I turned around and left, forgetting to take the bun!

11, recently rushed to the project, often with a female colleague on the phone, last night my wife took a photo of my company and asked: "Which is her?" The female colleague was a little pretty, and I didn't want to bother, so I pointed to the cleaning aunt in her fifties. Today my wife was waiting for me outside the company door for work, and I happened to see Aunt Cleaning come out, she went to introduce herself and said a lot of kind words. Aunt Cleaning listened to the clouds and later said, "I haven't caused any trouble with my work, and he won't defecate on the ground." ”

12, a good buddy and I sang together until two o'clock in the morning, back home daughter-in-law did not let into the door, to me for help, I got up from the bed to take a taxi to persuade the fight, after arriving has been said that the buddies are not easy, let his daughter-in-law understand more and so on, suddenly she broke out to let me get out, I also drank too much plus violent temper, grabbed her collar to beat her, originally the buddies were sitting on the couch hooked without a word, then I wanted to get up to persuade her. Pushed me out of the door. I stood in the doorway and cursed for half a day. What's that called! Oh, I guess he will never call me to fight again!

13, one day, a man and a woman secretly had an affair, but unexpectedly the woman's husband returned, the stealing man fled in a hurry, did not wear clothes and pants, and jumped downstairs directly... When he stood up from the crowd in a daze and found that many people were watching him, he had a stroke of genius and said, "This is the earth... ”