1, I have a girlfriend, the brother said to see the photo, I showed the photo to the brother, the brother looked at me a few times after seeing the photo, said: "If you use plants to describe her then she."

1, I have a girlfriend, the brother said to see the photo, I showed the photo to the brother, the brother looked at the photo and then looked at me a few times, said: "If you use plants to describe her, then she is a flower, if you use vegetables to describe her, then she is a cabbage, if you use animals to describe, then she is a swan." "That makes so much sense! After I savor this sentence... Now I'm taking a knife to his house on the road...

2, the wife said to the girlfriend: "Seeing other people's tattoos are so cool and cool, I suddenly want to get a tattoo!" The girlfriend said, "So what do you say you want?" The wife said, "I want to tattoo a clover on my little belly!" "What do you think?" The girlfriend replied in surprise: "No! After eating, soon your stomach is not a clover, but a fan..."

3, overtime, some sleepy, closed eyes want to squint, the male god rushed a cup of coffee and came to me concerned and asked: Sleepy? I nodded, my heart warm. Just about to pick up the coffee, the male god suddenly shouted in my ear: Ah... yes...... Still sleepy? Nima

4. A colleague has brought a new car. Get ready for a ride after work in the evening. When I got into the car, my stomach was uncomfortable, so I let go of a fart. I hurriedly said "The new car smells big!" The colleague said quietly, "Fortunately, my ears are not blind, otherwise, I really thought that the new car smelled big." "Another hitchhiking colleague, at this time, opened the car door." Sleeper, is your leather seat a shell? ”

5, beautiful colleagues wore a tight new skirt, male colleagues are looking straight. Seeing our stunning eyes, the goddess smiled generously, a beautiful in-place spinning dance movement, and the skirt bloomed like a flower: "Is it good?" "Well—the thong looks so good." I wiped my saliva and said.

6, one day, a brother drank his jasmine tea comfortably. Suddenly the buddies pounded the table and scolded, and we were frightened, thinking that we had suddenly fallen ill. It turned out that he had just drunk tea and saw that there was a big jasmine flower in the cup, so he kept blowing the flower and was not willing to drink it, and when the tea was finished, he found that it was a big moth!

7, yesterday my husband slapped me, and I went back to my mother's house in a huff. When I got home, I saw a large pot of my mother's pig's trotters on the table, and I picked up one and nibbled on it! Nibbling happily, Dad grabbed his nephew's ear and came in. Dad said: You have learned to gamble and go on hunger strike at a young age, you look at your aunt, get angry again or eat it!

8, on the morning bus, a Miaoling woman and a man competed for a seat quarreled, Miaoling woman took a handbag to pick the man, the man pushed it by the hand, Miaoling woman quickly switched the battle mode, scratched the man a few times, the man dodged and pushed, Miaoling woman screamed: Do you dare to hit me? You wait, I call my man to kill you! He took out his mobile phone and pressed the number to his ear, and shouted at the mobile phone for a moment: Brother-in-law! Come on, someone bullied me!!!

9, the brother and sister-in-law quarreled, vowed to die in the future will not take the sister-in-law to play chicken! The reason is that he took his sister-in-law to eat chicken, two to the final round, there are still 4 people left, those two are not a team. The brother hid in the grass, the sister-in-law hid behind a rock, and suddenly the brother was knocked down by AWM. My sister-in-law said: I threw smoke bombs to save you! Unexpectedly, my sister-in-law actually used a grenade as a smoke bomb, and finally my sister-in-law and my brother were killed together!

10, my wife is a northerner, and I learned to play mahjong after marrying into the south. But she was particularly poor in her skills, and she lost miserably every time. After losing money yesterday, my wife yelled at home: Don't fight again, cut your hands again. The son who watched TV next to him did not turn his head back and said: As far as your mahjong addiction is concerned, a thousand hands of Guanyin can make you chop into Venus!

11, you have to force yourself to be better because many sluts behind you are waiting to see your jokes, so you have to force yourself to be tough on yourself in another five years, you will thank yourself for today's fierce self hate today's lazy and inferior self, and you want you to live affectionately in the world of thin feelings

12, last night's excessive drinking, the morning bus to work, sitting opposite a girl to eat breakfast, suddenly feel a rolling in the stomach, vomit a few times, feel that things have reached the throat eyes. A bite of teeth, a stomp of feet, hard to swallow back, habitual bar smacked the mouth, the opposite girl wow spit me a pants. Wocao, seeing those things, the little universe exploded and vomited on her. The people around us looked at us both in horror, accompanied by one after another of vomiting. That's how my day started.

13, and my son went to climb the mountain, walked to the middle of the mountain and got lost, the mobile phone was out of power, but it was broken. Then the son said: Dad, I know what to do. Only to see him turn around three times in place and recite the words in his mouth, stomp his feet, and shout: Land. Seeing this can make me angry, I said: What do you shout, how can I be so smart as a man with such a chun son of yours, we are in the mountains, how can you shout the land, to call the mountain god.

14, it is cold, there is no heating equipment in the classroom, some students due to cold feet, they stomped their feet below. One classmate stomped his feet, and the others followed suit. The teacher was very angry: "What a stomp during class!" Can you stop? We won't lecture without stopping. Then a voice came out: "Never stop, Anta." ”