1. I told the nurse: pretending to be my girlfriend once thirty thousand, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran to me angrily and asked me, how long are you thirty thousand times, it will not be a lifetime

1. I told the nurse: pretending to be my girlfriend once thirty thousand, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran to me angrily and asked me, how long are you thirty thousand times, it will not be a lifetime. I asked her how long you thought it would be appropriate, and she smiled and said, "As long as you don't want the jewelry your parents gave me back, it will take as long as possible." It feels like it's going to be a long-term plan!

2. On the bus, I saw a 16- or 7-year-old girl being held by an uncle, and the girl said: Is it really good that you are a married man holding me, an unmarried woman, have you ever thought about your wife's feelings? The man said: Girl, is it good to save some face for your father! If you hadn't been motion sickness, I wouldn't have put my arms around you!"

3. Today the company held an annual meeting, the boss at the banquet directly drank high, and then accidentally announced that he had fired me. The boss also feels guilty after waking up drunk, but in order to maintain his authority, he is ready to make a mistake. But I was not willing, so I used various channels to intercede with the boss. After several twists and turns, I finally handled the reinstatement, I was happy, set up a banquet to thank the boss and colleagues. But unexpectedly, after drinking and eating, the boss who was drunk and had a thick neck announced that he had fired me...

4. After work last night, I ate dumplings at the newly opened dumpling restaurant downstairs. Then the boss gave me a bowl of soup, because it was relatively dry, so it was quickly drunk. I went to the kitchen and asked the boss to help me fill another bowl, she was fishing for dumplings with a colander, took my bowl and scooped a bowl directly into the pot and handed it to me. Isn't it time to spoon soup in front of me?

5. I am the sales director of Xiaomi Company, and I was suddenly fired after working for two years. Asked the reason, the reason given to me by the chairman was actually the lord of the high vibration. I was very depressed in my heart, so I sent a V letter to the chairman: no matter how high my merit is, I am also a part-time worker, which you are completely worried about! I just signed multiple contracts in my hand, what if I leave those customers, do you know how much you have lost? After a while, the chairman replied: To tell you the truth, my daughter appreciates you more and more, I am afraid, do not let you leave the loss is big.

6. Since I was a child, my family conditions were difficult, and I couldn't afford to pay the tuition fees before I finished college, so I had to drop out of Tsinghua and become a taxi driver to share the pressure for my family. One night, when I was preparing to finish work, I walked to the side of the road and was stopped by a couple, who asked me, "Master, is guida gone?" "I'm sorry, it's not the way," I was about to drive away, when I heard the girl say to the boy: "I blame you, tell you to book an early movie ticket, now it's good, even the school can't go back!" The boy said, "Or won't you be back tonight?" "Hearing this I suddenly recall my student days, alas! Decisively rolled down the window and said to them, "I remembered that I was going to go to Your University to do something, get in the car, let's go!" ”

 7. My brother's son is five years old, and my sister-in-law wants him to learn to pull erhu, but he doesn't want to go.

My sister-in-law was so angry that she couldn't ask him: You have to learn at least the same thing, what do you really want to learn?

The nephew said: I don't learn anything now, just learn a chef when I grow up... My sister-in-law asked him why,

He glanced at his sister-in-law and said: When I grow up, my wife will tell me to cook, I won't, will you make me wait for the kneeling washboard... My sister-in-law was speechless...

8. I am the company's performance champion throughout the quarter, and as a sign of encouragement, the chairman gave me two bottles of Moutai wine. After work, I carried two bottles of wine and planned to give them to my husband. When I arrived, I found the old man standing outside the house very unhappy. Ask him what's going on, and he says it's a daily fight. I knocked on the door with a smile, and suddenly the door opened, and a basin of water greeted me. This is the first time that my mother-in-law and brother-in-law apologized to me and stressed it three times, saying that it was not a foot wash.

9. When the boss of our dormitory worked in the multinational group to the position of manager, our brothers 4 invited him to eat a buffet to celebrate. There is a beautiful woman in the constellation, very beautiful kind, we go to encourage the single dog boss to ask for someone to call. As a result, the boss twisted and squeezed over and asked: Hello beautiful woman, a person? Beauty replied: Hmm. The boss was surprised and said: You eat so much alone?

 10. When I first met my girlfriend's parents, I went to the barbershop to do a styling and spent 999 to buy a formal dress. After meeting, my girlfriend pulled me aside and said, "Mommy and Daddy, this is my boyfriend." The future father-in-law and mother-in-law smiled happily: the young man was quite handsome and dressed in good spirits. The girlfriend then said: Of course, my boyfriend said, dress more formally, and shine your dog's eyes! 

11. Wei WuXian and a few buddies went to KTV to sing and didn't go home until 12 o'clock. Wei WuXian arrived downstairs, and as soon as he got out of the car, he saw Lan Forgetful Standing upstairs with a kitchen knife and slashing wildly in front of the window with his teeth and claws! Wei WuXian was shocked, thinking that there were bad people who had entered the house and robbed him? So Wei WuXian immediately ran to his home! As soon as he entered the house, Lan Forgot Quickly handed the kitchen knife to Wei WuXian and said breathlessly, "Husband, I'm tired, you quickly help me hack those mosquitoes to death!" ”

12. High school crush on the lesbian table, like a person, always thinking of bullying her, deliberately making her bad. Every time I secretly screwed the lid of her water cup very tightly, so that she couldn't unscrew it, she would let me unscrew it for her. When she graduated, she said to me, "Actually, I always knew that the lid was screwed by you." I listened to a little excitement just about to confess, she paused and said: "You are not good at learning, people are ugly, in the future, the hand is stronger, moving bricks will not lose on the starting line." ”

13. Call my mom on the way back to the company today on the fourth day of the first year, remember to send naughty gems. My mother said, "Didn't you say you didn't leave until the sixth day of the first year?" Me: "I have to go in the fourth year of junior high school." My mother: "Why are you in such a hurry?" It's hard to come back, stay a few more days..." I listened to an inexplicable feeling in my heart, and the old two must have been reluctant to let me go, while I was meditating with my head down. The second half of her unfinished sentence drifted into her ears: "Wait until the leftovers of the Chinese New Year's Eve are eaten before leaving." ”