Text/Blue Dream
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Whether we want to associate with a person depends largely on how we feel when we are with him. In getting along, it can bring others a comfortable feeling, which is a person's upbringing.
What is parenting? It is politeness when receiving people and treating things, not bothering others, not disturbing others, knowing how to respect each other, and so on. These good behaviors in daily life are actually a person's inherent self-discipline.
Therefore, true upbringing is not only an outward manifestation, but also an idea rooted in the heart.
A person's upbringing is often reflected in his relationship with the people around him, for example, when in love, we can easily find a person's upbringing problems.
A friend recounted an incident at her next-door neighbor's house, where he had an older brother who was a few years older than him, and who had a girlfriend in the early years, and because the two of them had almost made up their minds to get married, the girlfriend would occasionally come to their house for the night.
One day in the middle of the night, only to hear a scream in the community, and then came the woman's cry, after hearing the sound, the lights in the whole community were turned on. The friend listened carefully and found that the sound was coming from the neighbor's house.
The next day the friend was very curious, so he went to ask the neighbor aunt what was going on with the crying at night, and the neighbor aunt was very angry and said that it was the girlfriend brought by her son who made the movement. It turned out that at night, the two quarreled over some small things, and the woman argued but the man, felt aggrieved, and cried loudly. This cry didn't matter, and the neighbors almost called the police.
While explaining this, the neighbor aunt shook her head and said that such a girl could not want it, crying in the middle of the night, not considering the feelings of others, and had no upbringing at all.
Two people have been together for a long time, whether there is education is really hidden, uncultured people, even if they disguise, will eventually have the moment of revealing the stuffing.
So, what exactly does a cultured woman look like?
01 Regenerating anger will also respect each other's psychological feelings
A truly cultured woman will definitely take care of other people's feelings and consider issues from the other person's point of view no matter what she does.
There is a story on the Internet where a man takes a woman home to meet her parents, and the man's mother is happy and makes a table full of meals. When eating, the man's mother was very enthusiastic, and filled the woman with a large bowl of rice, and the girl took the rice bowl, but her expression was very embarrassed, because her usual amount of rice was very small, and she could not eat this large bowl of rice.
So the woman threw a look of help to the man, but the man did not seem to see the girl's embarrassment, and also followed the mother to say that she should eat more.
During the meal, although the girl had repeatedly said that she could not eat it, the mother and the man had been giving the girl a dish, and the helpless girl could only eat it hard.
As a result, at night, the woman's stomach began to turn over the river and the sea of pain, swollen really badly, then the man found that the woman really did not have the amount of food.
The man asked her why she didn't directly refuse when eating, and she said that seeing that her family was so enthusiastic, she was embarrassed to refuse, and she was afraid that her words would be inappropriate and embarrass the man's family.
Yishu once said: "The biggest mistake people make in their daily lives is to be too polite to strangers and too harsh to intimate people, change this bad habit, and the world is too peaceful." ”
We are always accustomed to maintaining grace and upbringing in front of strangers, but we always inadvertently give the worst temper to the people closest to us, in fact, the attitude towards the people around us is the embodiment of a person's upbringing.
And our hurt often comes from the people closest to us. As Yi Shu said, everyone should be kind to the people around them, and if this polite attitude is applied to relatives, life will be much happier.
A person's greatest upbringing lies in her empathy for others, to be able to consider problems from the perspective of others, and to be able to take good care of each other's feelings.
02 You can't ask the other party to give unconditionally
Some women will think that since they have become boyfriend and girlfriend, then men should give to themselves unreservedly, and it is taken for granted.
But love is the common effort of both parties, is the mutual payment, rather than endlessly asking for each other, blindly demanding love is doomed not to last, requiring the other party to pay unconditionally is actually a selfish performance.
In fact, those who blindly demand each other to pay are not in love with an equal heart at all.
There is such a couple in "Love Defense War", the man was in the woman's home, so he thinks that he should pay more.
However, in the years of marriage, women have been making more and more demands, first secretly taking out the money saved by the man to the mother, and then asking the man to help his brother buy a house, the younger brother's children going to school, and every day the man is picking up and dropping off.
The man told the host that over the years, he never felt like a member of the family, but like the nanny in the family, he has been giving, but the woman and her family not only do not know gratitude, but also continue to squeeze him.
The man just wanted to go home and celebrate his mother's birthday, and the woman took all the money from him, and the penniless man walked back to his house that day.
Later, there was this cry of the man in the show, and the woman at this time also knew that she had done something excessive over the years, and when she wanted to save it, the man did not want to give her any more chances, because he had been hurt by the woman's family's excessive demand.
Love or marriage, at any time the two people get along with each other, want to take it first, otherwise the balance of love will be tilted, when the pay and return are not equal, people will also be psychologically unbalanced.
As someone said, "All love, only those who go in both directions have good results." "And this two-way process must be a process of mutual payment."
In the relationship, you must not take too much, let alone "take advantage" in the name of love, one day, you will pay for your actions.
There is a saying that goes well, "It is better to be happy at first sight than to be tired for a long time." "At first glance, we see each other's strengths, but this does not represent his nature, only after a long time together, we will gradually discover the real each other." 」 And a person's upbringing is hidden between the bits and pieces of getting along.
What kind of people are suitable for long-term relationships? Not a momentary passion, not some external things, is a person's inner cultivation, after all, with people, only comfort is the most important.
END.