1. The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I'm angry

1. The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is also OK.?

2. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the public security department, the fare was 18 yuan, 50 yuan for the driver, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me for 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: How much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3. It's almost the end of the month, I have to pay the phone bill, and I want to get a salary tomorrow. The next day, I didn't expect to receive two text messages: one was that the salary was paid to the account, and the other was that my mobile phone number was charged with 2,000 yuan. I was happy to share it with my daughter-in-law during dinner. A colleague called me and said: "My wife checked the private room money and checked the mobile phone, there is no place to hide and dare not send a message to tell you, charge you 2,000 yuan, you have to return to me." ”

4. After dinner, I was riding my bicycle down the street when suddenly a Beijing Hyundai car came crashing into me. He braked, but didn't brake, I was fine, but my bike was scrapped. The owner of the modern car got out of the car and scolded at me: "You are blind, don't you see a car?" I calmly lit a cigarette and listened to him scold. I told him, "Boy, call your dad and say you hit a butterfly!" ”

5. The boss signed a large order, and when he was happy, he directly promoted me to the director of the workshop, with an annual salary of 890,000 yuan.

To celebrate, several well-connected brothers were invited to dinner, and one of them brought his beautiful fiancée.

I thought I should say something flattering, but I thought about it, but I thought about it and said: You look like a plastic surgery!

The girl was particularly modest, and kept saying: No, no, I am so ugly, if I really had to be whole, it would still be like this now!

Then I followed her train of thought in a daze and said: Oh, it could be a whole mess...

6. After the end of the year, I also have more money, I buy drinks every day in the last few days of school, and then I just drink two sips and I go out and come back. Later I was a little constipated, my mother bought me some laxatives, sometimes I didn't want to eat it and threw it into the bottle, today I bought a bottle of the most difficult drink and drank two sips of it, I just happened to put the medicine in and just sat down and heard the back. A boy's low voice said grumpily: "Tough enough, drugged!"

7. My mother found a girl to go on a blind date in her hometown. After the meeting, both sides had a good impression and were very happy to exchange contact information. After a few days of talking, I wanted to go to the woman's house to meet her parents. The brother went once, brought good cigarettes and good wine, the woman's parents were also very satisfied with him, when he left, the woman's parents said a few polite words about what to buy? Tell him to take things with him. As soon as I heard it, it was a waste of me, so I quickly took it away again. Got into trouble with the girl that night!

8. My wife is the female anchor of Douyu, I met a rich man, I ran away with people after talking for half a month, and I left 800,000. I charged this money into the Fantasy Journey to the West and stayed at home all day playing games. My parents were particularly anxious, so they introduced me to an object, and we talked a few times. She replied succinctly: Well, yes, yes... It was so annoying that I directly blacked her out, causing me to not play the game well during this time.

9. One day my husband and comrades-in-arms got together and texted me: Wife, it's so boring to be with these people! You called me back and gently turned me on hands-free. I hit the past: Husband, why haven't you come back? Just listen to the husband say: don't be bothered, remember the tube that should be managed in the future, and the less that should not be managed! Then the phone hung up... I:... Don't bring such a bad daughter-in-law.

10. Chinese Marriage – Ok! Chinese-style education - make-up lessons! Chinese love - house, car! Chinese-style tourism - get in the car to sleep, get out of the car to pee, and take a photo at the scenic spot. Chinese-style traffic - traffic jams! Chinese Parents – Rambling! Chinese Romance - K Song! Chinese-style friendship - drink! Chinese-style circle of friends - praise me! Chinese-style crossing the street - gather enough people to go, never look at the car...

11. I was wandering bored down the street on the weekend when I suddenly caught a glimpse of a new Bentley 4S shop. So I walked in to see the car, and what I didn't expect was that the salespeople inside laughed at me. I asked her, "How much is this car?" The salesman rolled his eyes and said, "9.99 million !!!!!!!! Me: "Can I wholesale?"? The salesman immediately changed his face and smiled: "How many do you want to buy??" Me: "I want to give the company's senior management department a one, a hundred units are in stock? Salesman: "Not so much in stock." Me: "But what but, the spot is not enough I still buy to do??" "Then I walked out without turning my head back, and to be honest, the air conditioner inside was really cool!!!!!!!!

12. After marrying our wives, we are going out for a honeymoon for a month. When I went to Zhangjiajie to play, my wife asked me to accompany her to the Zhangjiajie Grand Canyon bungee jump. I was afraid of heights since I was a child, and I didn't want to go. Then my wife was reluctant and said, "If you don't go, you'll cross me out of your household registration book." I said: I really can't jump, if I do, I'm afraid my name will have to be crossed out of the hukou book.

13. After work late at night, I come home to see my wife sitting on the stairs in the doorway. My heart warmed, and I went forward to hug her and said painfully: Baby, I am still waiting for me so late, don't do this in the future. The wife snorted and said: No, the old woman came out to take out the garbage, and accidentally locked herself outside. I jokingly thought to myself: I knew it would cool you down a little longer. 

 #Funny##搞笑段子 #