Wen | snow fell without dust
For people to deal with the world, we must leave room for each other, and the relationship will get better and better. The same is true in marriage, marriage is the smallest circle of communication in the world, and if you want to have a good relationship, you need to pay the most patience.
Many women feel pain in marriage and feel that they have given everything to each other, but the other party still does not think so. They do their best in marriage, but they can't exchange their husbands' cherishing.
In fact, love is not control, let alone domination, but to give each other enough space to live their own lives.
The reason why women live tired, sometimes, is because they have winded their feelings too tightly.
Marriage is like pulling a rubber band, pulling too tight is easy to break, pulling loose and can not achieve the desired effect. Only just right, can play the real value of the rubber band.
There is a line in the movie "After Forever": "If you like it, you will be arrogant, but love is restraint." ”
The love that comes with bondage and dominion will not last long. In marriage, we should tolerate each other, give each other, support each other, and grasp each other's measure of getting along well, so that marriage will last a long time.
When the moon is full, it loses, and when the water is full, it overflows, and the way of love is very important. Both love and a sense of proportion must be made to make feelings last forever.
Between husband and wife, the more "sense of proportion", the happier the marriage.
01
The sense of proportion is the space between husband and wife
It is said that distance produces beauty, and it is true.
Communication between husband and wife should be measured and rational. Even if one party makes a mistake, the other should be more tolerant. If you want, a smiley face, a word of comfort, is enough to move the other person.
Husband and wife get along, we must grasp the scale, tolerate but not conniving, understand but not wanton.
The marriage of Bing Xin and Wu Wenzao has no vigorous love, only a plain life, but it is the most charming. After decades of getting along, they have maintained their attraction to each other, which has made many people marvel.
Wu Wenzao is very rigorous in academics, but his life is very confused, perhaps this is the attitude of "those who become big things do not trim the edges".
For example, he did not know that the snacks eaten by children were called "Sagema", and asked the store clerk to say that he wanted to buy "horses";
Everyone was enjoying the flowers in the garden, and Wu Wenzao did not know the name of the lilac flower, so he asked everyone what kind of flower it was? Bing Xin humorously replied that it was "Shanding", and Wu Wenzao nodded his head in disbelief, which made everyone laugh;
He went to buy a jacket for his father-in-law and told the salesman that he wanted to buy a "feather brush." After Bingxin's father learned about this, he said very angrily, "My uncle was not picked by me." ”
This kind of fish-eyed thing often happens in Wu Wenzao. Although Bing Xin sometimes gets angry, Bing Xin is more tolerant of Wu Wenzao than complaining.
After living for many years, Bing Xin has not disciplined Wu Wenzao, but has given him the greatest tolerance and allowed him enough space to display his talents.
Keeping a distance is the most appropriate way to communicate.
In Schopenhauer's philosophical writings, there is this fable:
Two small hedgehogs huddled together in the winter for warmth, too close to each other to hurt each other, too far away to achieve the purpose of heating. So, they start to adjust their distance so that they can keep warm without hurting each other.
This is the famous interpersonal law "hedgehog effect", which actually applies to marriage as well.
Husbands and wives should be like hedgehogs, leaving blank space for each other, in order to taste true happiness on the road of marriage.
02
Marriages without a sense of proportion cannot stand the test of time
A sense of proportion is a way of self-discipline between husband and wife. Once boundaries are broken and there is no longer respect or trust between each other, marriage will not stand the test of time.
Psychology believes that every family has different parts, there are wives, parents, children... In a harmonious family, these parts are all doing their own work and can cooperate with each other; but in a disharmonious family, it can be very chaotic.
Especially the relationship between husband and wife, which is the hub of family relations, if not handled well, it is easy to breed big problems and make the whole family suffer greatly.
Zhou Guoping said: "The sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to abide by the necessary distance between people. ”
What can maintain the relationship between husband and wife that will never fade is that there is space between husband and wife, so that the feelings will be kept fresh, and the family relationship will be virtuous.
In marriage, only by respecting each other will we establish trust and make the feelings deeper and deeper. And those feelings of arbitrariness, arbitrariness, and self-perception will only gradually dissipate with the passage of time.
Friend Xiao Ran is in love, others are very happy in love, but Xiao Ran is very distressed.
The reason is that her boyfriend restricts her freedom, calling one after another every day "Where are you... What are you doing...... How come you haven't answered my call for so long..."
This made Xiao Ran nervous, and in the interaction with her boyfriend, she had a sense of fear that she had never had before.
When Xiao Ran proposed to her boyfriend not to do this again, the boyfriend said with a straight face, we are in a romantic relationship, and I have the right to know everything about you.
Two months later, Xiao Ran couldn't bear it anymore and broke up with her boyfriend. The reason is that the boyfriend is too "self-familiar" and has no scale for the relationship between two people.
Anyone has their own living space, the bottom line of communication. If you put your feet hard into people's shoes and mess up your measure, it will make people disgusted.
People's life, whether it is love or marriage, needs a sense of proportion, such a relationship, is relaxed, happy.
03
There is a sense of proportion between husband and wife, and the feelings will not be tired for a long time
Huang Lei said: "The Chinese-style relationship between husband and wife has an inexplicable impoliteness. ”
When you chase people's homes, you are particularly active, bringing tea and pouring water for others; but after getting married, it becomes "go, pour me a glass of water". From the tone, you can feel that it is different before marriage and after marriage.
Before getting married, you are polite and polite, no matter how busy you are, you can be on call, for fear of losing each other.
After marriage, it is called to drink, resulting in a sharp decline in feelings, and even a breakdown of the relationship, because the sense of proportion in the relationship is ignored.
If we pay attention to our words and deeds in our feelings and do not cross the line, our feelings will not tire of being tired for a long time.
Huang Lei and Sun Li are a model couple in the entertainment industry, married for more than ten years, and their lives are like their first love. The reason is that they abide by each other's emotional bottom line, and each of them has become the most beautiful in each other's hearts.
Huang Lei once said that Sun Li is too beautiful, so beautiful that he can be grateful for life; and Sun Li once said that no matter how busy Huang Lei is at work, he always changes his clothes and makes food for her when he returns home.
Two people depend on each other, trust each other, empathize with each other in things, and always respect each other as guests.
Before marriage, you were just a choice for me, and after marriage, you became my real answer. Only if there is a sense of proportion between husband and wife, the choice and the answer are both an option.
Any words and deeds that cross the line will cause rejection and disgust over time, thus leaving the marriage in a state of instability. And a sense of proportion to get along, in order to be able to distance the beauty, so that each other attract each other, for a long time.
04
Husband and wife should not be too close to each other, maintain "proportions", and the feelings will be better
Baby Anne has this passage in "Rose Island": "The best love is when two people are in company with each other, don't bind, don't possess, don't desire to dig meaning out of each other." ”
Marriage and feelings need the three words of "sense of proportion", and when the distance is far away, it will make people indifferent; if the distance is closer, it will make people suffocate. Only by mastering the balance between the two people, the emotional life will be just right.
May you and your loved ones agree, respect each other, and live a happy life for a lifetime.