Author: Insight Annabésu
The human heart is separated from the belly, and the inside and outside do not know.
A reader once asked the writer Lian Yue: What are the social rules that need to be followed in the adult world?
Teacher Lian Yue replied: Don't care about other people's private affairs, keep your secrets tight, don't be too public, and don't be too enthusiastic about the world.
At the end of the day, dealing with anyone is a matter of measure.
Self-familiarity, overzealousness, and deep conversation are all social disasters.
01
The more self-cooked, the more self-reliant.
A psychologist did an experiment.
In a large reading room, when the reading room was just opened, there was only one reader inside, and the psychologist walked over and sat next to him.
Then people came in one after another, and the psychologist sat next to each other once.
It turns out that of all those who are tempted, no one can tolerate a stranger sitting next to him.
Either they will soon walk away in silence, sit down elsewhere, or ask explicitly, "What do you want to do?" ”
Just like the stranger sitting next to you, the person who is too "familiar" is also easy to make people resist:
After meeting each other a few times, they began to interrogate other people's careers, families, and life details;
Thinking that the relationship is good, they interfere in the lives of others under the banner of "good for you".
Unscrupulously invading other people's space and pointing fingers without boundaries will often only push the other party farther.
There is a netizen on Douban who met a new friend at a party.
From the beginning of the first sight, to the later strange road, it took less than three months.
The reason for this is that this new friend does not regard himself as an outsider.
She always sends messages to netizens every three to five minutes: help cast a vote, the circle of friends likes, help our company's operation department forward an article...
Not only that, friends also interfered in the private lives of netizens, commented on her boyfriend, and pointed out her work...
Netizens said that after getting along with her, they only felt overwhelmed and physically and mentally exhausted.
Sanmao once wrote in the book: "Between friends, the measure cannot be lost, they think they are familiar, and the result is anti-birth isolation." ”
No matter how good the relationship between two people, "you and I" is not the same as "we".
The most comfortable relationship between people is never intimate.
Maintain the right distance to get along comfortably and stay together for a long time.
02
Relationships that heat up too quickly, cool too fast.
Actor Jin Jing has always liked Big S, once the two were on the same show, she happily added Big S's WeChat and sent a long "confession" in the past.
Unexpectedly, Big S only faintly replied to her: "Thank you, tomorrow I will also refuel." ”
Jin Jing said that at first, he felt quite disappointed, and he gave it around enthusiastically, but the other party did not appreciate it at all.
But after the loss, she also frankly admitted: "Maybe being overly enthusiastic is a kind of trouble for others, and then torturing yourself." ”
In life, we may all have warm feelings when we are coldly received, it is not that the other party is not affectionate, but your friendship has not reached that point.
In this fast-paced era, people can quickly become friends, but also very quickly, they will begin to ignore each other for some inexplicable reasons.
Relationships that come quickly tend to go fast.
Just as trees need time to slowly take root downwards, good stories need to be layered on top of each other, and the relationship will be more long-lasting.
Lu Xun and Qu Qiubai knew each other and appreciated each other.
Despite their like-mindedness and affection, the two rarely see each other.
All the communication after they met was only conveyed through their friend Feng Xuefeng or through letters.
The two came and went, indifferently fellowship, but the friendship has always been maintained.
Later, qu Qiubai fell into distress, lu xun not only went all out to rescue him, but also arranged a place for him, and his life was also a variety of care.
The friendship between the two is not noisy, but they can communicate with each other and share hardships.
Qian Zhongshu once said, "The formation of true friendship is not due to the intentional co-optation of both sides." ”
People who deliberately approach and get acquainted too quickly may not accompany you far.
On the contrary, those who are slow and hot can withstand the flow of time, in the long stream of thin water, accompany you to see the scenery along the road.
03
Talking in depth is the biggest social disaster.
There is an old saying that the depth of the sea in the world is difficult for only the human heart to measure.
When interacting with people, you can only say three points, not all of your heart.
The scars in your heart may become the talk of others after dinner;
The shortcomings you expose may later become a weapon for others to attack you.
The famous screenwriter Ma Weidu once told such a story.
An employee who has just entered the workplace has just gone to a company and met a "good girlfriend".
She is like meeting a loved one, trusting her girlfriend and saying nothing.
Family relationships, personal privacy, and opinions and complaints about everyone in the company, she told her girlfriends all the time.
It didn't take long for the two to crack over some small things, and those old boudoir whispers eventually became weapons for them to splash dirty water on each other.
There is a saying that what can hurt you is often the person you trust the most.
Self-exposure of privacy and self-disclosure of scars often increase the probability of others hurting themselves.
Bing Xin and Lin Huiyin are Fellow Fujian, and after the first acquaintance, the relationship between the two has grown by leaps and bounds, and they soon become close friends.
They often discuss literature together, confide in each other, and know each other's secrets very well.
Later, the relationship between the two broke down, and Bing Xin used a lot of "first-hand information" in his hand to satirize and ridicule his former friend.
Lin Huixi is lively and will hold a cultural salon every weekend and invite literati to come and participate.
Bing Xin wrote a "Lady's Living Room" with his backhand, the details are accurate, and the clear-eyed people are crusading against Lin Huiyin at a glance.
Later, Lin Huiyin interacted with Xu Zhimo, and Bing Xin wrote another article "I Advise You", which made Lin Huiyin and Xu Zhimo's scandal boiling over.
In the face of the revelation of his former friend, Lin Huiyin was quite sad, and later even if the two lived closer, they no longer had any contact.
The Analects says, "Do not speak with words, and lose your word." ”
Once upon a time, we were enthusiastic and sincere, thinking that a good relationship should be inseparable from you and me, and there was no end to words.
It is not until after the human life that it is not necessarily hypocritical to retain a few points in speech.
After all, people's hearts are separated from their stomachs, and they don't know both inside and outside.
▽
Luo Xiang said: "People still have to enter a rule system in the end, and the so-called arbitrary will not exceed the rules. ”
The same is true of human interactions.
Know how to measure, know how to advance and retreat, and do not let your enthusiasm become a burden on others.
The pace is slowed down, the feelings are slowed down, and there will be a long coming to Japan.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.