Wen │ Little Pig Mother
See a hot list problem on Zhihu: Is the child's self-discipline really forced out by parents?
One of the highly praised answers is that self-discipline cannot be obtained through persecution.
Seeing this, there may be parents who want to jump out and refute:
"How can you make children self-disciplined without strict discipline?" "My baby must be urged to do anything, to get up, to go to school, to do homework... If he hadn't been forced, he wouldn't have been able to do anything! ”
In fact, the child's lack of self-discipline is precisely because the parents manage too much!
Many parents believe that constant reminders and strict discipline can make children self-disciplined.
In fact, the more parents nag and discipline, the more difficult it is for children to learn self-discipline.
Why?
Because parents urge, strictly discipline, and arrange everything, children will have no initiative and enthusiasm, they will not plan their own time and goals, and they will not have the motivation to self-discipline.
So how can we raise self-disciplined children?
Children's self-discipline is not innate, and it is inseparable from the correct guidance of parents.
01 The basis of children's self-discipline: a good sense of order
"Hurry up, you're going to be late!" "Hurry up and pack up your toys and see what the mess is like in the house!" "Hurry up and do your homework!" "Hurry up and brush your teeth and go to bed, or you'll be late again tomorrow..."
Are these words very familiar to parents? Are the roars and scoldings that echo throughout the house every day?
How many parents in order to urge their children to do things blood pressure plummeted, the voice is getting bigger and bigger every day!
How many parents shake their heads and sigh: Why can't children go to bed and get up on time? Why can't I take the initiative to pack up my toys? Why is it so hard to form good habits?
In contrast, the habits of these parents, this side urges the child to sleep, the other side still plays until late at night and refuses to sleep; this side urges the child to do homework, do not play with the mobile phone, and the other side holds the mobile phone to brush happily; this side urges the child to pack up the toys, and the home is chaotic and has nowhere to go.
In fact, to cultivate children's good habits, we must first cultivate children's sense of order. A good sense of order is the basis of children's self-discipline. The cultivation of a sense of order is inseparable from the habits of parents and the family environment.
So what is a sense of order? The sense of order is not only the logical way of people to deal with things, but also an inherent sense of rules.
How can parents cultivate their children's sense of order?
A friend of mine has a great experience in cultivating a sense of order in children.
She would set a fixed time for her child to get up and go to bed every day; every time the child played with the toy, she would ask the child to put the toy
Put it back in the designated position, and every day before going to bed, you will also read picture books with your children to create a sense of ritual before going to bed.
After insisting on it for a period of time, under the subtlety of parents, the child does things very regularly: go to bed and get up on time, even if the holiday schedule will not be chaotic; take the initiative to clean up after playing with toys; insist on reading picture books before going to bed.
When children live in an orderly and regular environment, children will gradually develop some good habits: doing things in an orderly manner, living a regular life, and not panicking when things happen.
Therefore, parents may wish to pay attention to keeping the family environment clean and orderly in their lives, cultivate children's good work and rest habits, and do a good job in the fixed management of children's toys.
In this way, you can create a sense of order in your child's life and let your child develop good habits of self-discipline.
When parents consciously cultivate their children's good sense of order, they can make their children become more and more self-disciplined.
02 The power source of children's self-discipline: having self-driving power
In the book "Self-Driven Growth", it is written:
Parents all over the world have a wish, that is, their children can have a successful life. But only if the child has an autonomous motivation can this wish be realized. Cultivate children's internal drive, children have the ability to think independently and solve problems and growth thinking, children can effectively face the pressures and challenges of life, children's physical and mental health can get healthier growth, academic performance can be better, and career success can be achieved at a higher level.
Deeply. A child's inner drive determines how far a child can go.
Huang Lei's daughter Huang Duoduo, who is so good that many parents envy her, has always been the "child of other people's families" in the mouth of parents, and has also attracted much attention and hot discussion in the process of growing up. And this stems from the support of her parents for her love and interest, but let her nature develop freely.
At the age of 7, Toto was able to not only translate Novels in English, but also write scripts in English.
At the age of 12, Duoduo and He Jiong co-participated in the drama "Book of Water", and their outstanding performance was unanimously praised by the public.
At the age of 13, Toto participated in the piano playing competition for the first time and won five first prizes.
Some people say that Duoduo is excellent because she has rich parents, but how many rich parents are there? Is it really possible to have money to raise excellent children?
In fact, behind the efforts of her parents, what cannot be ignored behind duoduo's excellent resume is her own internal drive.
Huang Lei's education of Duoduo is worth learning from parents, he has never regarded Duoduo as a child, he respects Duoduo's choices and decisions, he believes that Duoduo is independent, she has her own thoughts, although Duoduo is his child, but he believes that Duoduo does not belong to himself, they are independent of each other, they get along like friends.
It is precisely because of this just right distance that Duoduo has an independent motivation and a clear plan for himself, and a strong self-driving force allows Duoduo to overcome difficulties and move forward towards his goals with self-discipline and persistence.
If parents can give their children respect and encouragement, give children the space to grow freely, and consciously cultivate their children's internal driving force, children will be able to do it without whipping themselves.
03 The backing of children's self-discipline: self-disciplined parents
President Yu Minhong, chairman of China New Oriental Education Group, once said:
Before the age of 18, the impact of family education accounts for more than 60%, school education accounts for 30%, and social education accounts for 10%.
yes. The impact of family education on the growth process of children is huge.
Jia Rongtao, the author of the book "Change Your Children, Change Yourself First", once neglected to accompany and educate his son because he was busy with work, and as a result, his son had no intention of studying, indulged in the Internet all day, and even fought and even fought and fought, so that he was almost expelled from school.
After Jia Rongtao was in pain, he decided to stop working and spend his life with his children.
While accompanying his children, Jia Rongtao used two years to read more than 200 books of various types and wrote down more than 800,000 words of reading notes and godson experience.
He integrated these godson experiences into the education of his children, and under his subtle influence, his son gradually became self-disciplined, angry at learning, and was admitted to the "211 Project" university two years later.
Liang Qichao, a famous thinker and educator, once said: "Education is very simple, just adhere to one principle, that is, to lead by example." ”
Deeply. As a parent, your every move affects your child.
Parents work and rest regularly, children will also work and rest regularly;
Parents love to read, and children will love to read;
Instead of saying it a million times, parents should use practical actions to guide their children.
Because self-disciplined parents are the strongest backing for children.
The more disciplined, the better
Renowned psychologist Scott. Pike wrote in The Few Walked Roads:
The so-called self-discipline is an important principle to solve the pain of life with a positive and optimistic attitude.
Self-discipline is the greatest asset in a child's life. This wealth requires parents to save for their children.
When parents consciously create an orderly environment and atmosphere for their children and protect their children's sense of order, children can develop regular good habits;
When parents are less persecuted, less yelling and scolding, respecting children, trusting children, and letting children have the space to grow freely, children can have the driving force of self-discipline;
Of course, leading by example is better than a thousand words, and being a self-disciplined parent can drive children to self-discipline and progress together.
The degree of self-discipline of the child determines the height of the child's entire life.
May we all be excellent parents and grow up with our children.
The author | Little pig mother, share parenting stories, discuss parenting methods, and grow together on the road of parenting.
Pictures | The pictures in this article come from the Internet, and are invaded and deleted.