Someone who once hurt me and made me feel very painful, now apologize to me, ask me to forgive, restore each other's relationship, should I say yes?
When my cousin asked me this question, I thought of a sentence that Dong Qing had said: "Some things are not worthy of forgiveness, and they have nothing to do with big or bad." ”
Whether to forgive a person who hurts you, you don't need to ask other people's opinions, you don't need to consider other people's evaluations, and you don't have to deal with those who stand and talk without waist pain, you just need to ask your own heart, that is, whether you are willing to say this "it doesn't matter", whether you can really let go of this matter.
If you can't put it down, you are unwilling to say forgiveness, and you think that he is not worthy of your forgiveness, there is no need to forgive. The person he hurts is you, he stabbed you in the heart, and the person who feels the pain is also you, not someone else, so others are not qualified to forgive you and force you to forgive.
Chen Guo once said: "The person who makes you laugh is worthy of the rest of your life." ”
As for the person who makes you cry, let him get out of the egg as soon as possible! He is an old man, why did he make you cry and at the same time ask you not to pay attention to it?
Lin Lan's parents have been married for 26 years and rarely quarrel, but recently they have fallen out over lin lan's grandmother's pension.
"24 years ago, I blew away the most unsuccessful son's family of 3, and now I am hospitalized and begging for service, telling my mother that no one will take care of me, which is a good thing my grandmother did." You say, does she deserve my mother to forgive? ”
01. Among the three sisters and brothers, my father is the most unproductive one, and the most disliked by my grandparents;
Lin Lan's grandmother is 75 years old this year, and her health is getting worse and worse, not only often sick, but also has mobility problems and cannot be separated from people.
Grandma has two sons and a daughter, Lin Lan's father is the eldest son, has an older sister and a younger brother. Among the three sisters and brothers, Lin Lan's father was the worst mixed, and he was also the least liked by his parents.
"According to my dad, he was stupid, and no matter how much time he spent reading, he couldn't get in, and his academic performance was a mess. At that time, the family's economic conditions were not good, and they could only afford to study for one son. So, my grandparents gave my uncle the opportunity to let my father work in the fields after junior high school, so that my uncle could go to college. ”
After my uncle went to college, he married a city girl, made a home in the city, bought a house, had a higher income level, and lived a prosperous life. The eldest aunt got married and went south with her husband to do business, and her life was not bad. Only Lin Lan's father, who has been farming for a living, married a girl from the next village, and the couple lived a poor life.
"At that time, my grandparents followed my parents and didn't do anything, relying on my mother to serve, but I still hated my parents for not being able to do it, so they were humiliated." Uncles and aunts are also reluctant to interact with them, occasionally, and the words of disgust and discipline are the most. ”
Lin Lan's father was loyal and stupid, his mother had a gentle temper, and the couple lived a life of poverty until Lin Lan was born.
02. 24 years ago, I was just born, and my grandparents forced our family of 3 to get out;
24 years ago, Lin Lan was born, but the relationship between her parents and grandparents completely deteriorated.
My grandparents were even more disappointed to see that my mother had given birth to a, and when they learned that my aunt was also pregnant, they decided to take care of her and run to their youngest son.
"With your servants, how far to roll, I don't have your sons, daughters-in-law, and granddaughters, and from now on, we will not interact with each other." You're starving, you deserve it. ”
The grandparents bombed out their eldest son's family of three, sold the house in their hometown, and went to the city with money and their savings, and left for twenty-four years.
After being driven away, Lin Lan's parents had no choice but to find another way to make a living. In the end, they decided to follow the villagers to the city to work and became a member of the army of migrant workers.
"Mom and Dad went to the city, got jobs, lived in a dormitory, and as for me, I was raised by my daughter's grandmother until I went to junior high school and lived on campus, and I could only see My Parents once or twice a year."
Lin Lan's parents endured the pain of missing their daughter, working outside for more than twenty years, saving money for their daughter to study, and now, Lin Lan is 24 years old, finished college, has a job, has a boyfriend, and plans to get married next year.
"Mom said, if I need her to take the baby, I will help me, if not, she and her father continue to work for a few years, can not move, just stay here for the elderly." They paid social security, a little savings, and didn't need me to bear too much. ”
03. Grandma was hospitalized and unattended, asked my mother, my father was in a dilemma;
However, some time ago, Lin Lan's father received a call from his mother and fell into a dilemma.
It turned out that after Lin Lan's grandparents went to the younger son's house, they not only helped the younger son and the little daughter-in-law to bring up the child, but also continued to do housework for them. Last year, Grandpa Lin Lan passed away, and her uncle and aunt needed to work and had no time to take care of Grandma.
"After Grandma was hospitalized, she asked her aunt to quit her job and take care of her, and her aunt was furious, not only refusing to take care of Grandma, but also throwing Grandma's things out, asking Grandma not to go back after she was discharged from the hospital. Grandma had no choice but to call the aunt, and the aunt said that the daughter who married out spilled the water, where is the reason why the daughter-in-law let the daughter take care of it? Both children were unreliable, and Grandma remembered my mom and dad. ”
How did Grandma get her parents' contact information, Lin Lan didn't know, she only knew that her parents quarreled and didn't give in to each other.
Although Lin Lan's father was angry with his grandmother, considering that it was his mother, he learned that his grandmother was alone in the hospital, and he couldn't bear it and wanted to give his grandmother a pension. However, Lin Lan's mother was unwilling.
"When she threw her son, daughter-in-law, and newborn granddaughter out of the house 24 years ago, in the winter, didn't she say that she had nothing to do with us?"
"Your parents said that we ate and drank from them, but in fact, they didn't do any work at home, they called us at every turn, and the money was saved for your brother, and we had a meager income at that time, and we had to support them."
"I have been separated from my daughter for 24 years, I can only see them once or twice a year, and I miss where they are when my daughter is going crazy? She helped her youngest son bring children for more than 20 years, making him cattle and horses, why should we serve when we are old? ”
Mom clearly told Dad that he was going to take care of his own mother, and she couldn't control it. However, she did not want to look at her grandmother again, and it was even more unlikely that she would allow her to live under her eyes.
"Do you think my mother's approach is excessive?"
04. If a person is not a sage, how can he forgive someone who has hurt him?
The writer Zweig said: All the gifts of fate are secretly marked with prices. You have to exchange it in another way, or pay it back.
Parents need their children's filial piety when they are old, and first of all, they must fulfill their parental obligations when their children are young, raise their children as adults, and teach their children as well as possible, so that they are independent, have good character, and know filial piety. If parents are not kind, there is no reason to ask their children to be filial.
When the in-laws are old and want their daughter-in-law to take care of them, they must have affection first. You have no grace for your daughter-in-law, and your daughter-in-law does not owe you, and if you do not treat her well and owe her, she will get it back, of course.
If you don't fulfill your obligations first, you want to enjoy your rights, where is there such a good thing under the heavens?
Yu Hua wrote in "Wencheng": You will never understand a person unless you put on his shoes and walk around and think from his point of view. But when you walk through his path, you feel uncomfortable even passing by.
If a person is not a sage, how can he forgive those who have hurt him? Why should you have wronged yourself and fulfilled someone who is not worthy?
Instead of asking others to forgive you and not making you pay for the mistakes you have made, ask yourself to do less bad things and not hurt the innocent. Don't do bad things, don't be afraid of ghosts knocking on the door, don't do bad things, and naturally don't fear retribution.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Lin Lan's mother's approach is excessive? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.