Reader's Message:
Recently, Ms. Wang encountered something that made her very confused and distressed.
Because of this incident, she once wanted to divorce her husband.
Ms. Wang's child has just been born, and there is a contradiction with her husband's opinion on the matter of "naming" the child.
Ms. Wang's idea is:
I plan to have two children, and when the first child is two or three years old, I want a second child.
Then, the first child followed Ms. Wang's last name, the surname Wang.
The reason why I think so is because she is the only daughter in the family and wants a child with her surname.
But in the eyes of Ms. Wang's husband, it touched his self-esteem.
The husband believes that the child follows the mother's surname, that is, the man has no face, and when he goes out, he will be pointed out and ridiculed.
In the husband's hometown, many people pay more attention to "the child must follow the father's surname".
As a result, the contradiction between the two people arose, and there was a big fight over it.
Ms. Wang said angrily: "When you got married, you didn't give a penny of dowry, my family also married a 200,000 car, what happened to the first child and my surname?" ”
The husband decided: "If you want the child to follow your surname, then divorce, there is no need to discuss." ”
Whether a child can follow his mother's surname exists in many families.
As soon as this problem is mentioned, it is easy to cause differences in concepts between men and women.
Many men think:
If the child follows the mother's surname, it will make the man's dignity ruined, and he will be pointed out in front of his relatives.
But many girls think:
Equality between men and women, with whose surname can not rise to too high a height, has nothing to do with face, and has nothing to do with "passing on the generations".
So, is it okay for a child to follow his mother's surname?
What is the origin of the debate between men and women?
Let me start with my point:
It is absolutely not a matter of course for a child to follow his father's surname.
1. "Ancestors are not enough law, and people are not compassionate enough"
There is a saying in the "Biography of Wang Anshi": "The ancestors are not enough to the law, and the words of the people are not enough to be sympathetic." ”
Meaning: the rules of the ancestors are not enough to follow, and the comments and attacks of the people are not enough to worry.
Those who insist that it is natural for children to follow their father's surname are "sticking to the rules."
The question is like "When a man and a woman are in love, it is natural for a boy to spend money."
Who said that when you are in love, you must have boys to pay, and you must have boys to spend money?
If you want the relationship to go well, both people should invest and give to each other.
The same is true of the surname of the child.
Don't preconceived not to be "righteous", if you talk to your lover with this idea from the beginning, it will not be discussed at all.
If the wife must insist: it does not matter if she wants a child to follow her surname.
If you are going to have two children, then one with the father's surname and one with the mother's surname.
If you plan to have 1 child, it depends on who is more committed to the family and marriage and contributes more.
2. Analyze this problem from the perspective of family contribution
What you want, you have to pay the price.
This is true whether it is life, work, or love marriage.
Most things in this world have long been secretly priced.
If you want it, you have to give it, and you have to use your ability to fight for it.
Whose last name does the child have?
Analyze this problem from the point of view of pay, productivity, economic conditions:
Husbands and wives, who are more involved in the family and contribute more, are qualified to make decisions.
Like what:
The wife has children, earns more money, and has good family conditions; in contrast, the husband's contribution to the family is relatively low, and every aspect is inferior to the wife.
At this time, the wife is fully qualified to let the child take the mother's surname.
On the other hand, if the husband's contribution is higher, the sense of family responsibility is also very strong, it is good to the wife, and the family happiness is also high.
I think at this time, no wife is willing to object to the fact that the child takes the father's surname.
Rigorous analysis: In the beginning, surnames were passed down from the "matrilineal line".
In the Book of Sayings. There is a passage in the Women's Department that says:
"Surname, born of man also." The ancient divine man, the mother felt the heavens and gave birth to a son, so he was called the Son of Heaven, because he was born as a surname. ”
In the earliest times, the origin of the surname was "matriarchal clan society".
In the beginning, it was "only his mother, not his father."
However, with the development of society and the change of the times, it later became "patrilineal".
In the current marriage, there is really no need for the child's surname to rise to the height of "divorce".
As long as two people love each other and give each other enough respect, they can negotiate the result.
Don't insist on yourself, you are not famous, there are "ten thousand family wealth" to inherit, why be so persistent?
Children following their father's surname will not affect each other's feelings; children following their mother's surname will also not affect the nature of marriage.
And what does it matter? It's just a name.
Today's Topic:
What do you think of "children with their mother's last name"?
Can you accept it?
(Article with picture source network)