The relationship between relatives is delicate most of the time.
As a child, you were the closest people living under the same roof, eating together, playing together, and occasionally making small quarrels between brothers and sisters would be reconciled in the blink of an eye.
As they get older, they are busy with their respective studies, work, and family. Especially after middle age, you will find that the feelings between you and your brothers and sisters seem to have faded, and even if you don't see each other for a year, you rarely call each other and send messages.
Sometimes you feel that this "blood is thicker than water" relationship is not even as close as friends, and your understanding of brothers and sisters seems to still stay in the original family period.
In fact, there is a reason for all this.
From the moment you went to different cities because of your respective studies, you embarked on your own life path, and your relationship was destined to fade.
If one day you become estranged from your siblings, you will understand the following two things.
Living environments are different, and the gaps open up each other's relationships
No matter how close the relationship between people is in the past, different circumstances will open up the distance between each other, and the same is true for brothers and sisters.
When studying, I go to different cities, and I can only meet when I go home during the winter and summer vacations, and I may communicate usually, but the most communicative is still the classmates and teachers around me. When you graduate from work, you have to go your separate ways, and then you get married and have children.
With the increase of age, after reaching middle age, both career and family have basically stabilized, and the economic gap and social status gap are too large, and it is easy to open up the relationship between each other.
Just like Anjie in "Parental Love", marrying Jiang Defu and changing "destiny" through marriage.
Since Anjie got married, whether it was the eldest brother, sister-in-law or sister, he had become cautious when getting along with Anjie, picking up only good words in front of her.
When Anjie gave birth, her sister helped take care of Yuezi, and heard Anjie and female colleagues joking that "in the past, only the maids at home would say you please."
Anjie later explained that he had no heart. But in fact, in Anjie's subconscious, she is looking down on her sister, because the family of her down-and-out sister is incomparable with her own family.
In real life, many brothers and sisters are gradually estranged, and one of the most important reasons is the difference in economic conditions and social status.
Either the party with good conditions looks down on the brothers and sisters with poor conditions, deliberately alienates, and gradually does not have much contact; or the poor conditions think that they cannot climb this relative, have inferiority complexes, and take the initiative to alienate their brothers and sisters with good conditions.
In addition, people with excessive economic disparities and different social statuses think differently from different perspectives, and even if they are put together, it is difficult to have a common language. It is embarrassing to say too much.
The subtleties of this are often difficult to articulate.
People who are running for their lives cannot devote their energy to connecting feelings
If you don't work, you can't eat, middle-aged people are the age of running for life, there are old and young, and they can't divide the energy to connect feelings.
Some brothers and sisters only have time to walk around each other on the first few days of the New Year, if they are not in the same city, some people have to work overtime for the New Year, and it is difficult for brothers and sisters to get together.
This is the case between Chen Min and his siblings. She and her brother started a family in different cities, and her sister did not read any books because of her poor grades, and married into a neighboring village early.
The three brothers and sisters living in big cities and villages have their own life and work pressures. The eldest brother often stays up late and works overtime, and almost all his energy and time are dedicated to the company, and he dares not stop for a moment; although Chen Min is a housewife, he is busy every day to hit the back of his head; after the sister gave birth to a child, because of poor family conditions, he has been working in a factory near his home to supplement the family.
Chen Min's most intuitive feeling is that there is no time and energy to contact feelings. Send a message to the eldest brother, often until several days later to receive, call the sister, the other end of the phone is always urgent to say: Sister, I am working, call you after work.
When they had time to take the initiative to contact Chen Min, Chen Min had no time again. Because the time for her brother and sister to contact is accurate, everything in the house is packed, the children do not need to be themselves, and they can relax a little. But such times do not often occur.
At first, the three brothers and sisters could get together during the Spring Festival, and then even the Spring Festival could not get together, either someone had to work overtime, or someone had to go to their partner's house for the New Year.
In fact, no matter what kind of relationship, if you want to be long-term, both parties must take out equal energy and time to contact feelings, there are comings and goings, and the feelings between each other will be more warm.
You will find that the feelings between brothers and sisters have weakened, most of the time not really faded, but are too busy with their livelihoods and confined to their own small families to allocate more energy to cope with the communication between relatives.
Keeping a distance between loved ones is a form of respect
Getting closer to each other has the trouble of getting closer. Many people have lost their sense of proportion because they are too close to each other, and they are prone to contradictions in daily interactions.
The neighbors who lived opposite the door and the sister's house were very close. Once the two quarreled, the sister heard at the door, the door did not knock, into the door to count the brother-in-law is not, said that the sister-in-law quarrel can not say ugly words, a look of "breaking the case".
The addition of the sister escalated the war at the neighbor's house, although the two were reconciled later, and the sister and the neighbor's family also resumed normal contact, but the relationship between the sister-in-law and the sister became very awkward.
A reader also shared with me about him, his family conditions are much worse than his brother's, and he has always been very inferior in front of his brother. The brother was also very enthusiastic, and the two brothers' families often gathered to eat.
Every time he went to his brother's house and came back, his wife always had to nag a few words in front of him, and his heart was quite unbalanced, and he often felt that his life was not good, he was born of a mother, how could the gap be so big. Over time, he slowly alienated his brother.
So you see, between relatives, sometimes maintaining a certain distance is a kind of respect.
It is inevitable that the feelings between brothers and sisters will fade or be estranged from each other, do not turn family affection into a kind of pressure, feel that you must maintain closeness and frequent contact with your brothers and sisters, otherwise it is family discord.
When people reach middle age, they are in the "power" stage of life, and they are bound to put more energy and time on their own small families.
Manage your own family, live your own life, respect the feelings between brothers and sisters, and understand each other's difficulties.
The relationship between people does not necessarily become intimate when they get closer. Not far away, keep just the right distance, usually pay more attention to their own homes, brothers and sisters need help when they have money to pay, strong contribution, occasionally contact feelings, but will make the relationship last.
There are many ways for couples to get along, and there are many ways for brothers and sisters to get along, and it is enough to choose the most comfortable and relaxed way for both parties.
Today's Topic:
What do you think is the reason for the weakening of feelings between brothers and sisters? Do you keep a certain distance from your siblings?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world