I wonder if you have found such a phenomenon? That is, a daughter-in-law who does not kiss her mother-in-law will be accused by others of being unkind, and a daughter-in-law who is too filial to her mother-in-law is often unpopular?
From this point, we can see that the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a difficult problem since ancient times.
Although marriage is two people to form a family, in fact, it is also an extended connection between the two families, and as a daughter-in-law, it is inevitable to deal with the mother-in-law, but how to get along with the mother-in-law, we need to grasp the balance.
Some people say that it is not simple to get along with the mother-in-law, filial piety is enough, the more filial piety is better, but in real life, the more filial to the mother-in-law's daughter-in-law, but the more unpopular. What is the reason for this?
No matter how filial and obedient you are, you can't lose your "measure."
Filial piety is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it represents the character of some people, know how to be grateful, respect the old and love the young, but in the Confucian way of moderation, we can know that no matter when doing anything, we must know how to grasp it to a certain extent, and remember it too late.
Filial piety is a good thing, but adding a "Yue" word may develop in a direction that is too late.
Tian Xiaocao in the TV series "Li Niang Tian Xiaocao" is particularly filial to his mother-in-law, while the second daughter-in-law is not close, when the mood is good, he will give the mother-in-law a good face, and when the mood is not good, he will throw his face.
Logically, the mother-in-law should be better to Tian Xiaocao, but the truth is just the opposite, the mother-in-law calls to Tian Xiaocao to drink, but only promises to the second daughter-in-law, carefully pleasing the other party, afraid that the second daughter-in-law will not be happy.
This reflects the inferior nature of people - bullying the soft and afraid of hard, because people are good at seeking advantages and avoiding harm, and naturally know that there will be no loss in what they do, and what they do must bear losses.
For the mother-in-law, no matter whether her attitude is good or not, Tian Xiaocao will be filial to herself, and the second daughter-in-law is different, the other party is only willing to give herself a good face when she is in a good mood.
Therefore, this tells us that sometimes too good will not be exchanged for the same return, it may still be full of indifference, which is unfair to the person who pays more, therefore, it is also for the purpose of thinking for ourselves, we can be filial piety, but don't lose our measure.
It is best for people to get along with each other only if they are not close
Tom in "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" was punished for being naughty and brushing the railing, and the summer was hot, and this kind of labor soon made Tom sweat and hungry.
At this time, a passing friend saw Tom brushing the railing, thought he had been punished again, and was going to laugh at him, but saw Tom "deliberately" whistling and doing a good job, so the children begged Tom to let them try it too, but Tom disagreed, and said that this is the most capable child in the world.
There was no way, the children were even more intrigued, so they exchanged snacks and toys for the opportunity to brush the railing.
So Tom discovered a law of human behavior, that is, in order for an adult or a child to want to do something, it is only necessary to try to make that thing difficult to get.
This story illustrates a truth from the side, that is, people often do not cherish people or things that are too easy to get their hands on, because they do not need to spend costs, and the same is true for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships.
When we are too filial piety, then for the mother-in-law, each other's feelings will become very close, and some of the things we want will naturally be easy to get.
Therefore, even if you get along with your mother-in-law, you must also learn to use routines, and the distance between them is not close enough, too close will have some unnecessary trouble.
For the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we should look down on it and go with the flow
01), in fact, many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships because of too filial piety and caused by the contradictions, mostly because one of them does not know how to look at this relationship normally, feel that when they get along with their mother-in-law, they must treat each other as mothers, that is, let the other party treat themselves as daughters.
Then there is a gap between reality and ideals, they can't accept it, they feel that the sincerity they have paid is in vain, why they have paid so much, but they are not welcomed, the reason is that they set up an excessively high expectation at the beginning, so that they can not accept such a gap, there will be contradictions.
02), psychologist Freud believes that family relationships also need to maintain distance, and the feelings between family members are close, and they also need to express respect through a certain distance.
The mother-in-law is the mother-in-law after all, we are the juniors, but it is enough to be respectful, do not feel that you can treat the other party as a mother-in-law, you can deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which is the wrong way.
Because there is no blood relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in this case, there is a difference between relatives and estrangement, and going with the flow is the best way to deal with it.