Marriage Counseling: Why Does She Care So Little About Me?

Husband and wife love each other and are loyal to each other, this is the most basic requirement.

But the quality of marriage is more reflected in the details of getting along. The details are not difficult to solve, the key is not to turn a blind eye, let alone see and ignore it.

▼ Guangzhou Marriage Psychological Counseling shares with you: Why does she care so little about me after marriage?

Mr. Cai

From the day we met, my wife trusted me infinitely, which touched me very much, and I felt that I had endless responsibilities to her in this life, and I needed to repay her with care, care, and pampering.

However, sometimes she is a little cold, not caring about me and loving me as much as she imagined.

If it's okay for two people to stay at home, and there is a good feeling of intimacy, once I leave the house, it is difficult for me to receive news from her, basically I take the initiative to contact her.

Once I was on a business trip, one night walking on the colorful path, the scenery around me was beautiful and intoxicating, I thought it would be nice if she was around, so I called her phone, and several times no one answered, I was worried that something would happen to her.

After finally connecting, I only heard the chaos and noise on the other side of the phone, and she asked me excitedly and loudly: "Is something wrong?" "It turns out that she was playing with friends at a bar!

At that moment, I felt that I was in a completely different world with her, obviously the closest person living together. I kept asking myself, could it be that we could only be intimate when we got home and closed the door?

There are more and more such things, and I try to talk to her, but she has a hard time understanding, saying that to love someone is to let the other person be free, and she does not like to be controlled and controlled all the time.

But I don't agree, to love someone, shouldn't you take responsibility, always think about each other, think of each other, and take each other to heart? I just care about her, I want to know where she is and what she is doing, how did it become control? Could it be my problem?

But she wasn't like that at first!

Miss Fang

I always feel very warm and grounded with my husband, and my mother also said that he is a rare and good husband.

But gradually, I felt that something was wrong, and every time we had an argument, everyone around me felt that it was my fault:

"Your husband is so good, why are you still not satisfied?"

"It must be that you did something to make him angry~" and so on.

Although it was mostly half-joking, it always made me feel very depressed and depressed.

He treated me very well, and in the past three years of marriage, he basically drove to and from work every day, and if I had other activities after work, he always had to ask clearly, time, and person, saying that he was worried about my safety.

At first, I was very happy and felt that my husband cared about me. Slowly, colleagues and friends began to laugh at this, although it was nothing, but it was still somewhat embarrassing. And every time he got to a party, he would call me every once in a while, urging me to go home early, and I couldn't have enough fun.

Later, it developed to the point that whenever there was an activity, he would be unhappy, saying that what happy time should be shared together is meaningful. Now as soon as I tell him that there is an activity, I feel very stressed in my heart, and sometimes I don't want to tell him anymore.

Once he was on a business trip, and it happened that a colleague was preparing to go abroad, our company held a farewell party, and after the meal, he decided to sing K temporarily. Similarly, he called me several times that night, but he didn't hear it because it was too loud, and he was unhappy when he answered the phone.

After he returned home, he was a harsh critic of me, saying that I was irresponsible, selfish, indifferent, never considered his feelings, and did not tell him in advance about activities.... I was so angry that I couldn't speak for a long time, and I didn't speak for several days.

He usually hangs out with friends, I don't bother him with half a word, don't disturb him, he can relax as much as he wants, why can't he do this to me?

Guangzhou heard about the interpretation of psychological counseling

It can be seen that in the early days of their relationship, Mr. Cai and Miss Fang still enjoyed the interaction mode between each other.

Miss Fang enjoys her dependence on Mr. Cai and trusts him, which makes Mr. Cai feel that he is needed and an important existence. Every time his wife gave positive feedback, his heart was satisfied.

As the days went by, Miss Fang felt that she had less and less self-space in the relationship, like a canary in a carefully kept captivity, trapped in a cage and feeling depressed, so she wanted to escape and fly outside to breathe more free air.

Mr. Cai, who guarded her wholeheartedly, suddenly lost his wife's affirmation and recognition, and also felt that the other party was far away from him from his heart, and his love lost its meaning, how could this not make him feel frustrated and depressed?

▓ For their relationship, the following aspects are worth considering:

(1) Why do you feel uncomfortable and stay away from the other party?

We roughly understand that in Mr. Cai's view, loving someone is a responsibility, to be kind to each other, wholehearted, and integrated with each other; Behind Mr. Cai's anger, it gives us the feeling that there are rules for love in his mind, and if he breaks the rules, he doesn't love and doesn't care.

But what kind of talent needs so many rules?

Often insecure people want to live in an unchanging world, or in a world that changes according to their expectations, and strict rules mean security.

If your partner lacks recognition and trust in him, every negative feedback about intimacy will deepen his insecurity. At this point, the more intimacy his heart desires, the more he has more control over his partner.

The result can be imagined: forcing the other party to want to flee more.

Perhaps Mr. Cai can ponder why he needs rules so much to feel safe. Is there a better way to increase your security in intimate relationships? Perhaps, these require deeper self-exploration.

(2) Why is the wife reluctant to show weakness and rely on her husband?

Miss Ruofang is a very dependent person, a woman who wants to control her husband by showing weakness. Then this interactive mode is also a harmonious and beautiful concerto.

On the contrary, the wife is a woman who yearns for freedom, longs for freedom, and likes to seek excitement in life. The care given to her by her husband let her enjoy it at the beginning, and she was willing to give up part of herself and integrate into her husband's self to cooperate with her husband to play a husband and singing wife.

After a long time, coupled with the opinions of relatives, friends and colleagues, she felt "wrong", and she kept losing herself in this relationship and was about to be swallowed up. She felt uneasy and apprehensive, and psychologically wanted to withdraw herself from her dependence and need for her husband and turn to the outside world.

In an intimate relationship, if one party feels that he is restrained and controlled, and always suppresses his needs and feelings, this fear of being engulfed makes him begin to reject, reject, and flee.

This also makes the other person feel cold, alienated, and difficult to get close to. These fears invisibly destroy the intimacy between husband and wife, and it is difficult to form a good interaction pattern in marriage.

However, why are TAs so afraid of being devoured? This is also something that needs to be explored in depth.

(3) Does love need some compromises, but also some boundaries?

The answer is yes.

In an intimate relationship, it is always necessary for both parties to give up some of their own rights and centers in order to achieve that you have me and I have you.

At the same time, they also need their own space and self-boundaries, then, the grasp of this scale is particularly important, just like hugging, too light will not feel intimacy, too tight will have invisible pressure, people can not breathe freely. Only by taking a good measure can we let each other enjoy this hug and this intimate relationship more.

Conclusion of marriage counseling

Love is an art, love is two people grow together, which must have communication, communication to understand, understanding to have deeper love.

It is not a bad thing for husband and wife to encounter troubles in getting along, and exposing contradictions is ultimately more conducive to marital harmony than covering up contradictions. In the process of dealing with contradictions and troubles, we can also understand ourselves more deeply, cultivate ourselves, re-experience intimate relationships, and learn to love and be loved.

If you encounter some troubles in intimate relationships, if you want to improve each other's interaction patterns, find the root of this interaction mode, and improve yourself, you can seek the help of professional psychological counseling to make yourself have a happier intimate experience and obtain a more harmonious marriage.