In the relationship between the sexes, the biggest confusion of women is why men are obedient to me at first, but as they get along, they do not pay more and more attention to me? Is it only three or five months fresh for men?
As a result, in order to get the same experience of love as before, some women began to bother to please and continue to give, and they felt that as long as I gave enough, I could firmly grasp the heart of men.
Is this really the case? How many living examples tell us that in intimate relationships, unconditional giving and flattery are useless, and if you want to catch a man, you must have some means.
The so-called means is your strategy of operating feelings, you must first understand the differences between men and women, and the different needs of feelings, in order to prescribe the right medicine.
Regarding the differences between the sexes and how to manage feelings, John Gray, a world-renowned expert on marital feelings, conducted in-depth analysis and research in his book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus".
John Gray reminds women that you don't have to bother to please or give hard, you can enjoy the love of men with peace of mind, because you deserve everything beautiful.
How should I do this?
Pay less, don't complain
Before writing the book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus", the author John Gray spent 7 years and followed 25,000 people, and he found that the biggest need and trouble of women from Venus in their relationships is - why can't men see my needs?
Although they are willing to give and like to give, once they realize that their efforts have not been rewarded accordingly, they are prone to falling into endless complaints.
John Gray mentions a common phenomenon in his book that Venusians (women) like to get together and complain.
Observe around you and me, is it often encountered this situation, wives gathered together to complain about the husband, if one of the wives is happy, the other "unfortunate" wives will be aggravated in their hearts, complaining that they are not worthy, life is bitter, complaining about the unfair marriage.
This is not a good phenomenon, the more women give, the more they complain, the more they complain, the farther they push men.
In John Gray's view, the differences between men and women lead to different attitudes when two people face feelings and give different feelings to their lovers.
Men from Mars don't understand the real needs of Venusians in their relationships, and they lack awareness of that.
For example, when encountering trouble, venus people (women) want the understanding, empathy and companionship of Martians (men). The Martians felt that when you were depressed, I should give you the space to be alone and let you digest alone, so they silently walked away to do their own thing. Even if you don't walk away, helping out ideas and trying to solve similar behaviors will only make things worse.
Women should understand that since it is useless to pay and complain, then pay less, do not complain, and change the strategy.
Since the Martian could not understand the Venusian's hints, he told him bluntly that all you needed was his company and understanding.
When he understands your needs and tries to make changes for you, even if his performance is not 100% satisfactory to you, please accept generously, appreciate his efforts, encourage him to give more, and take the initiative to ask him for more help.
Learning to appreciate and motivate is one of the "small means" for women to grasp men's hearts, after all, everyone likes to listen to good words and likes to be encouraged.
Grasp the scale and stick to the bottom line
John Gray mentioned a case in the book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus", wife Susan decided to divorce, husband Jim firmly disagreed, Susan felt that this 12-year marriage did not need to continue, during these 12 years she gave more and got less, she has been silently enduring Jim's selfishness, laziness, lack of responsibility and so on.
Persuaded by Jim, Susan agrees to meet with him at a counselor to find a way to save the marriage. John Gray suggests that the couple's treatment can be divided into three steps:
Step 1: Effective incentives
In the past marriage, Susan continued to pay, Jim sat back and enjoyed his success, facing Susan with a grudge, Jim wanted to save the marriage, he had to learn to listen and understand, understand the source of his wife's negative emotions, and correct his shortcomings in time.
And Susan also has to learn to truly express her inner thoughts, and those painful and unmet needs can only be effectively responded to if they are spoken out.
Step 2: Take responsibility
In marriage, the wife and the husband bear different responsibilities, the husband blindly takes, the wife blindly pays without a bottom line, and over time the marriage will reach the point where it cannot be ended.
Jim and Susan's marriage is like this, Jim deliberately trampled on Susan's bottom line, Susan unconditionally paid, blindly tolerated, never expressed dissatisfaction, and did not firmly defend his bottom line.
It was Susan's laissez-faire that gave Jim the opportunity to ignore her and hurt her.
Step 3: Practice on the ground
If you want to save a marriage completely, you must change the way you get along.
John Gray told them that Susan had to learn to defend the bottom line, stick to her principles, and not be easily manipulated by her husband, and Jim had to learn to respect his wife's excerpts and not cross the line.
Only when husband and wife respect each other, do not overstep the other, set a boundary that allows mistakes to be made, and give each other the opportunity to correct, can the marriage be better and better.
John Gray shared this case, the purpose is very simple, is to tell those blindly paying wives, in order to firmly grasp the heart of men, you have to have some means, learn to set the bottom line, the scale of my payment, so as not to let yourself be wronged.
Accept the other person's efforts
In the book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus", John Gray also proposed a common psychology of Venusians (women) when facing feelings - fearing that if they ask too much of men, men will be bored and misunderstood, so they dare not ask for Martians (men).
If you are such a person, perhaps your subconscious has been underestimating yourself, not seeing your own value, thinking that you are not qualified to ask too much, habitually suppressing your inner thoughts in your interactions with people, and habitually pleasing each other with your efforts.
If a woman wants to firmly grasp a man's heart, she must learn to trouble men and guide men to pay for you, rather than rejecting men's help.
According to John Gray's research, he found that men are only inspired when they feel needed, and inspire unlimited motivation to fulfill the wishes of their lovers. Conversely, if a woman doesn't need him, she will give him a feeling that he is dispensable and make his enthusiasm for his lover fade.
Smart women know this well, and will definitely find opportunities to trouble men from time to time, honestly tell men what they need him to do, and believe that men can help her, rather than taking care of everything.
Remember, bottomless flattery and giving is always the next step in the relationship.
As a Woman of Venus, only by realizing her own value, accepting each other's pay when paying for others, understanding her own cuteness when loving others, and focusing more on herself, can she pry the man on Mars and let him integrate into your world.
It is not difficult to conquer a man's heart, and guiding him to pay and accept his pay is one of the effective means.
Pay less, don't complain; grasp the scale, stick to the bottom line; accept the other party's pay... Remind women, keep these three points in mind, in order to get the love they want in their feelings.
Women are too easy to fall into the "how he doesn't love me as much as I love him", "why only I pay", "whether he loves me or not", in fact, most of the problems in all feelings come from the difference between men and women.
If women do not understand male thinking, blindly immersed in their own world and continue to pay, the result is bound to be undesirable.
Love is a lifelong learning course, if you are in a period of emotional confusion, if you do not know how to manage love, if you are confused about your partner's attitude in the relationship... Well, what you need is a set of proven "love marriage operation guides".
This set of "men from Mars, women from Venus" has been included in the "Mars & Venus Theory" course system by Harvard University, which includes love, marriage, life and other aspects, I believe you will have different gains after reading.
Remember, only by understanding the differences between Martians and Venusians and truly entering each other's worlds can you find the switch of love.
Today's Topic:
What do you think is the key to capturing a man's heart?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world