Author | Late King
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Children
Harvard University has published a set of logical diagrams through years of research summary.
One of the pictures clearly states that emotions and happiness have a great correlation.
When you are angry, if you don't handle it well, you will fall into a vicious circle of "anger- anger - retaliation".
Just like the "kicking cat effect" in psychology, when we transmit dissatisfaction to the people around us, there will be a series of vicious chain reactions, and in the end, hurting others and hurting ourselves.
There's a saying that goes something like this:
"Most of the suffering in life is poisoned by emotions."
People who do not understand emotional management will become slaves to emotions.
Writer Liu Na once said:
"Emotion is a gun, and when we pull the trigger of emotion, the muzzle of the gun is actually aimed at ourselves."
In life, everyone will encounter unsatisfactory things.
Some people are entangled in some small things, insignificant quarrels, and finally evolve into fists and feet;
There are also people who encounter an urgent matter and have an explosion of mentality, so that a little thing is finally brewed into a life-threatening disaster.
However, after the fury, all the consequences need to be borne by themselves.
Not long ago, I saw a news report of pregnant women in Chongqing angrily cutting 32 wedding dresses.
The cause of the incident was that Ms. Jiang did not want to do the wedding, so she went to the wedding dress shop to ask for the 3500 yuan deposit she had paid before.
But at that time, the two sides had already signed a contract, and the wedding dress shop also handed over the deposit to the host and the camera lamp staff, and could not be refunded.
Ms. Jiang has asked for several times without success.
So he ran to the wedding dress shop with scissors and angrily cut 32 valuable wedding dresses.
When Ms. Jiang cut the wedding dress, the clerk who left evidence in the video reminded her: "These (wedding dresses) are thousands and tens of thousands, you can think clearly." ”
Madam Jiang was angry and directly shrugged back: "Tens of thousands, 100,000 can be, you dare to bully me..."
Under the fury, the domineering side leaks.
Later, the wedding dress shop called the police, and the police intervened, determining that the wedding dresses cut by Ms. Jiang were worth 67,400 yuan.
At this time, Ms. Jiang began to regret it, but it was too late.
Liang Shiqiu once said:
"When the flesh is boiling, reason is not very sober, words and deeds are easy to exceed, and it is not suitable for others or themselves."
Indulge your emotions and it will surely punish you in the most painful way.
A very classic little story comes to mind.
A snake crawled over a saw and was cut, and it got angry, turned and bit the saw, only to cut its own mouth.
The snake was furious, and it thought the saw was attacking itself.
So it wrapped its entire body around the saw and tried to suffocate it with all its strength.
In the end, it was sawn to death by a saw.
Even the dead snake did not know that it was not the saw that killed it, but its own bad emotions.
In daily life, we may encounter people and things that make us jump at any time.
But one thing that must be kept in mind is that all bad emotions, once vented, will eventually be paid for by ourselves.
Don't throw away the impulse to blind yourself.
Only by being freed from bad emotions and managing your own mind can you have long-term self-sufficiency and joy.
In life, things that can make us lose control of our emotions happen all the time, such as:
Stayed up for several overnight plans, but was overturned by a word from the leader, and you couldn't cry;
Corrected many times, the bear child at home still can't change the problem of picky eating, you are angry;
You have tried your best, but you still can't live the life you want, you are full of frustration...
These things, though, all seem terrible.
But how you treat it with such a mindset is all up to your own choices.
In the book "Controllable Emotions", it is written:
Emotions are just reactions to the surrounding environment, and what kind of environment you see, what kind of emotions you will show.
Emotions are born of you.
Therefore, when encountering problems, do not rush to get angry first.
Trying to calm yourself down and know how to control emotions is the beginning of a person's maturity.
Susan, a South African psychologist, used to be a person with a lot of mood swings.
Apartment power outage, missed metro, party not invited... The little things that come across sesame green beans will make her explode at one point.
Even sometimes when others were talking next to her, she would get angry and think that they were deliberately interfering with herself.
Gradually, one by one, her once close friends left, and her work and life became a mess.
After the tutor learned about her situation, he analyzed with her the reasons for each emotional loss of control for half a year.
Susan finds that in 80% of the occasions, she does not lose her temper with a specific small matter, but is dissatisfied with the bad environment around her.
The mentor told her:
When you see the larger world, you understand all the oversensitivity just because you can't do anything about the environment in front of you.
After that, Susan devoted all her thoughts to the study of psychology, trying to improve her professional level.
From public secondary schools in quarantine areas to higher schools abroad, as the platform for learning and working continues to advance, Susan finds that there are fewer and fewer unpleasant things and people.
Today, Susan, a professor of psychology at Yale University, heartily shared in her speech:
We are the masters of emotions, and emotions are not our masters.
When we can't change our external environment, the first thing we have to do is adjust our hearts, overcome bad emotions, and become a better version of ourselves.
In life, when it comes to how to deal with emotions, people can usually be divided into two types:
One is the person who is dominated by emotions, who can only allow themselves to become weak and let life slide into the bottomless abyss.
The other is the person who can dominate the emotions, such people, even in the face of gossip, they can get along with the world peacefully.
Compared with the two, the high and low are immediately seen.
Everyone will encounter trouble, and everyone will have emotions.
Temper can be tempered is instinctive, and controlling temper is the skill.
In this life, people must eventually learn to live in harmony with their emotions.
On the road of life, the biggest enemy we encounter is not ability, not conditions, but emotions.
While we can't decide everything we encounter, we can decide what kind of emotions we choose.
Your emotions determine the state of your life.
These 4 tips can help you become a more qualified emotional manager.
1. Delay the emotional attack and endure for 12 seconds when you want to lose your temper.
Dr. Ronald, an American expert on emotional management, said:
Stormy anger, which often lasts no more than 12 seconds, destroys everything when it erupts, but calms down afterwards, and controlling these 12 seconds can dispel negative emotions.
If we can calm down for 12 seconds before each fire, the desire to explode is much smaller.
Usually at this time, you can start to think rationally, rather than being completely swayed by emotions.
It only takes 12 seconds and you'll be thankful that timely self-control has avoided an immeasurable loss.
2. Exercise for 30 minutes.
A large number of scientific studies have shown that exercise can improve the regulation of mood.
The Huffington Post once published an "emotion-movement table":
When the stress is too great, relax by doing yoga.
When you are sad, empty yourself in the water.
When anxious, dance to the music.
Instead of being stuck in bad emotions and unable to extricate yourself, it is better to exercise.
When you're done exercising, you'll find that those negative emotions have long since evaporated with sweat and finally disappeared.
3. Write for 60 minutes.
The writer Shen Congwen is known for his "good temper", he has a simple personality, is kind and tolerant, and no matter what bad emotions can not affect him.
He was particularly fond of writing and was a prolific writer who called his writing "the gymnastics of emotions."
Whatever the mood, he can fit into his writing, subtly locking it in the text.
So when you can't suppress your own emotions, you may wish to learn Shen Congwen.
Instead of expending energy to get angry, it is better to set aside time to do better and better things to improve yourself.
After experiencing a desperate situation of dying, the head of the department of cardiology at a well-known university summed up two simple ways to deal with the world, which are thought-provoking to read:
Code one, don't waste energy on sesame small things;
Rule two, everything is a small sesame thing.
If you let negative emotions pile up, you will only lose your health and mood.
Only by dissolving emotions in an appropriate way and maintaining inner peace can we open up a willow and dark flower for life.
Click "watching", life is only a few decades, may we all put aside garbage emotions and become better selves.
Typography | Zheng to the north
Image | Some of the pictures in this article come from the Internet, invaded and deleted
Music | "Love Letter to Filmmakers"