Many people say that when you enter a marriage, love is difficult to find, leaving a place of chicken feathers.
It is true that it is easy to fall in love, but it is difficult to want to be long-lasting.
Many people think that marriage is two people forming a family, regardless of you and me, at will.
But marriage is actually very fragile, love is also easy to withdraw, even if you love each other very much, you have to spend time to manage.
Whether it is a husband and wife, or a lover, if you want this relationship to last, then you must remember this.
01
The past is not investigative
Zeng Guofan's evaluation of life is: the past is not in love, the future is not welcomed, and the present is not negative.
He never remembers the past, for him, the past is just a brick, paving the way for the present.
However, for most people, the four words "past is not investigated" are too luxurious. Many people would rather cling to the "past" and not let go, rather than give the "future" a little breathing possibility.
A survey once showed that the most objectionable behavior between husband and wife or lover is to "turn over old accounts".
Two people who love each other, no matter how close they usually are, as long as they turn over the old accounts at the beginning, the grievances and sadness of the past will be turned over again.
When emotions get out of control, the original small things will be infinitely magnified by emotions, the past displeasure and the current disputes are entangled, and small things will become big things.
In fact, between husband and wife or couples, quarrels are the norm and a run-in process. But in the process, turning over old accounts is like tearing the healed scars back and sprinkling salt on the wounds. Let things get worse.
The I Ching says: Deer are better than Yu, only in the forest. Gentlemen, it is better to give up, to be stingy.
Whether it is a lover or a couple, we should put an end to the behavior of turning over old accounts, do not use past sadness to sting the current emotions, the more intimate the relationship, the more patient care is needed.
May you look not at the past, but only at the future. Because people who really love each other will always put each other in future plans, rather than staying in the memories of the past.
02
Communicate change
Earlier, I saw a slogan on the highway: Open the road every mountain, fill the bridge in the water.
I think this sentence is also appropriate when used in feelings. Good feelings require both parties to "open the way" and "fill the bridge" together.
A friend once told me. She and her husband never defined chat differently.
When she asked about "eating," her husband always replied "ate" or "didn't eat."
But what she wants to know is, "what I ate today," "how did it taste," and "do you want to eat this next time?"
To put it bluntly, what men think of is the end, and what women think of is the process. The difference in the way men and women think has led to a gap in communication.
Because of the difference in thinking, in many families, it has created a situation of "ineffective communication".
Li Zhongying said in "Reshaping the Mind":
"No two people are the same, and the meaning of communication depends on the other person's response, not what you say, but what the other person hears."
In fact, it is not so complicated to get "effective communication". When couples and lovers interact, don't be afraid of "trouble".
When communicating with him, you may wish to say a few more words and say more words. In intimate relationships, don't be afraid to release your desire to share, the more you talk, the stronger the feelings.
The I Ching says: Poor change, change is general, and general is long-lasting.
Reciprocal and effective communication is the most precious treasure of feelings. Respond positively to each other's words and adjust the method of communication appropriately. Under the premise of understanding each other's needs, cooperate with each other, and love in a language that the other party can understand, so that there will be a long stream of water and a quiet year.
03
stick together in good times and bad
Remember the wedding vows:
"Would you like to marry this woman?" Love her and be loyal to her, whether she is rich or poor, healthy or sick, until she dies. ”
"Would you like to marry this man?" Love Him, be loyal to Him, rich or poor, healthy or sick, until death. ”
Make a promise to each other for the rest of your life, and look forward to never abandoning it for a lifetime.
In this life, if you meet a partner who accompanies you to share happiness and suffering, please cherish it with your life.
The story of du fu and his wife, a poet of the Tang Dynasty, has been sung from ancient times to the present.
"Zhumen wine smells of flesh, and the road has frozen bones", Du Fu sighed this year, but also the most difficult year they lived.
Husbands can't afford sons, they haven't given their wives a rich life, and sometimes it's a luxury to be able to eat sugar and throat food.
His wife, Yang Shi, was born noble and grew up with a life of gold and jade food.
After marrying Du Fu, she followed him around and was displaced, but she never complained, nor did she think of leaving him, and she has always been inseparable from his companionship.
Du Fu once wrote: "He Ri gan Gejin, fluttering old wife." ”
Yang Shi accompanied Du Fu to one suffering after another, she understood her, accompanied him, supported him, took care of him, gave him a complete home, and she also got Du Fu's only love.
In times of adversity, do not abandon each other; in times of good times, they depend on each other.
The most romantic and long-lasting relationship in the world is like this.
Although you are down, but with my company, the bitter life can be full of sweetness.
Yang Lan said:
"In addition to love between husband and wife, there is also the righteousness of taking care of each other, the tacit understanding of not abandoning, the growth of common nurturing, and the unforgettable kindness."
Being able to share happiness without knowing the true intentions and false intentions, and being able to share suffering must be true feelings.
Between husband and wife, who have suffered together, do not easily give up on each other.
After all, being able to accompany you to a partner who is willing to share your fate when you are most helpless and depressed is really your greatest blessing.
In this life, it is not easy to meet, and it is even more difficult to fall in love.
If you encounter:
If you treat each other with sincerity, I will not fail you;
Respect each other, use a boundary, protect this love forever;
Sharing weal and woe, no matter how great the suffering, it becomes small because of your company.
Being able to become husband and wife in this life is the unsustainable fate of the previous life, but I hope that you and I will not fail each other.
Be grateful for all the way, wish for the rest of your life, do not give up on each other, know each other and cherish each other for a lifetime.