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Qian Zhongshu once said: "Marriage is like a besieged city, people on the outside want to go in, and people on the inside want to come out." ”
There are walls in the wall, and people outside desperately want to go inside, but they can't find the door, which is the main reason why there are so many older men and women in life.
There is a 38-year-old single man in the community, who has been dating for 10 years, but so far he still can't get off the single.
In the past, relatives and neighbors were willing to introduce him to the object, but in recent years, everyone has adopted a disregarding attitude.
The reason why he has come to this point is only because he is too utilitarian, in other words, he values the other party's conditions too much to miss the best age to get off the list.
There are always people who say that marriage is equivalent to a person's second reincarnation, so many people regard marriage as a turning point in adult life. They not only want to find a partner, but also want to change their fate through marriage.
And people who have this kind of thinking are often stopped from marriage.
Leftover men and leftover women often struggle with conditions
The conditions that older men and women struggle with are divided into two types: the first is superficial; the second is substantive.
age.
For mate-choosers, age is very important, because people have to face birth, old age, illness and death, people of different ages have different physiological processes and growth experiences, it is difficult to get along with each other, and the "generation gap" spreads from the mind to the body.
There is nothing wrong with requiring similar age, but the problem is that some people's requirements for age have exceeded the cognition of normal people, which is the main reason why they have not been able to get off the list.
On the one hand, older men only want to find young girls in their twenties
An older man in his 30s wanting to marry a young girl in his twenties is a crazy idea in itself.
If you have superior conditions to achieve your dreams, but in real life, most people are just ordinary people.
They are left because they are too ordinary, and now they have an additional disadvantage, that is, age.
Under such circumstances, it is really unbelievable that they can still have such unrealistic ideas.
On the other hand, older women either only look for small fresh meat or are determined not to find men younger than themselves
When women face age, they are often in two extremes, some people only like small fresh meat, and they can also fall in love with children, but talking about it is impossible to enter the palace of marriage.
Some people can't accept men younger than themselves, even if they are one day younger.
Both extremes will make it more difficult for them to get off the list.
appearance.
Everyone has a heart for beauty, and everyone likes handsome men and beautiful women, which is understandable, but the premise is to have self-knowledge.
But in life, many people do not seem to have this condition.
Men are less than 1.72 meters tall and don't even have a chance to meet girls.
The girl's appearance is too ordinary, and the man is reluctant to understand her innermost being.
Degree.
Highly educated people want to find the other half of the door-to-door academic qualifications, because they feel that two people with too different academic qualifications cannot resonate ideologically.
Since there is no common language, there will naturally be many contradictions in the process of getting along in the future.
Material conditions.
Some people say that for contemporary society, having a house and a car has become a threshold for marriage, which also makes some sense.
Most girls will ask each other to have a house and a car when choosing the other half, so men without houses and cars do not even have the capital to go on a blind date.
And men who have a house, a car, a good job, and a high income are often very demanding when looking for a partner, and they are also very concerned about each other's material conditions.
In the blind date market, men are first concerned about women's jobs and incomes.
If these two conditions do not pass, even if the woman is very beautiful, he will not give the other party a chance to meet.
Family.
Marriage is not a matter of two people, but a matter of two families, so they are very concerned about each other's family situation when choosing the other half.
Neither the only child nor the only child wants to find the children of the only female family, and the parents with pensions look down on the parents who do not have pensions.
There are many more examples of people like this, who put family circumstances above very important conditions.
Older men and women who are entangled in conditions are difficult to get off the list
If it weren't for the fact that older men and women are too entangled in conditions, they may not be at this age alone.
Proper conditions can increase the quality of marriage, and excessive conditions will put themselves out of marriage.
This situation is very common in real life.
On the one hand, the range of options is greatly reduced
Because of their harsh conditions, they stopped a large number of people at the door.
As a result, the range of options available to them is greatly reduced.
On the other hand, it is easy to be high or not to be low
Originally, the range of options is very narrow, and when you meet the other half that you think is appropriate, you also need the other party to feel that it is suitable to come together.
But the blind date market often has an unwritten iron law: people who are satisfied in all aspects of your life are 100% down on you.
So in such a situation, many people are prone to fall into the situation of high or low.
Leftover men and leftover women looking for objects, don't be too entangled in "conditions"
After the best mate selection period and the best fertility period, if older men and women do not marry again, the probability of loneliness and old age will be very large.
In order not to let yourself eat Chinese New Year's Eve meal alone in the bustling environment of fireworks; in order not to let yourself be empty when you are old and need to be taken care of, everyone should get rid of fantasies, remain rational and get rid of singles.
Five years of age is preferred
Resident evidence data shows that 90% of couples in life are of similar age, that is, groups with an age difference of less than 4 years.
Older men who want to find young girls are nothing more than pipe dreams, because you are neither a social elite nor a person at the top of the wealth pyramid.
Older women are too extreme in their age requirements, and they will eventually let themselves miss the most suitable person.
Talking about love has nothing to do with age, and it is best to find someone of similar age to get married, which can not only improve the success rate, but also enhance the firmness of the marriage.
The census divides the age group into one age group every 5 years old, and everyone can also use the upper and lower five years old as the standard when looking for a target.
Traits that have nothing to do with you: education, materiality, family background
Don't dwell too much on a person's academic qualifications, material conditions, and family background, these qualities have nothing to do with you.
Admittedly, these conditions can improve your life, but external conditions will only bring temporary happiness.
In the process of getting along later, you will find that these things have nothing to do with happiness.
Traits that are relevant to you: character, three views, character
When two people live together, the most important thing is character, three views and personality.
It must be clear that marriage is marriage to a person, not to a condition. In the same way, for the rest of their lives, everyone will live with people, not conditions.
Only when two people have similar views and personalities, and have good character and responsibility, can marriage have the possibility of happiness.
If not, even if the other party is in good condition, you can only taste the pain of marriage.
I am Shadow, an original author who focuses on the field of emotion.