What is a sense of security
For children, security is a sense of trust, including the child's trust in others and themselves. Specifically, there are 3 aspects of security:
Others: In my world, whenever I need it, someone will protect me.
Myself: I can control myself (body, mind, and spirit) and I have the ability to take care of myself.
Environment: The world is safe and I can explore with confidence and no worries.
HUASHANKIDS
These 3 aspects are progressive relationships, the first aspect "other" is the basis of the latter two aspects, and for children, the so-called "other" is the closest person around them, that is, their parents.
When the child has not yet formed trust in his parents and cannot be sure that "his parents will always be there and will always protect me", he naturally cannot safely explore this new world. At this time, if parents blindly push their children outward and declare that they want to "exercise their children's independence", children will be less and less afraid to be "independent". Therefore, to cultivate independent and confident children, the correct order is to give the child enough security first, and then let go at the right time, do not let go before the child's sense of security has been established, that is not "exercise" for the child, but hurt.
Children under the age of 3 have limited expression ability, and when they do not get enough security from their parents, they will naturally express themselves in the most direct and instinctive way, that is, clinging, crying, or not wanting to leave their mothers in a new environment. The child's sense of security is like a bank passbook, can not wait until the child is too clingy, not independent enough, the parents to deposit, then there is already "overdraft", so it should start from the usual bit, there is enough "deposit" in the child's security account.
HUASHANKIDS
What to do to give enough children a sense of security
High quality companionship
When parents accompany their children, many times they are "in caoying heart in Han", not really accompanying children, children's hearts are extremely sensitive, they can best perceive whether adults are sincerely accompanying them. Those "pretended companionship" are actually worse than absences because we're using our own behavior to tell our children that even if we're together, you're so irrelevant that I can be distracted from thinking about other things.
Respond positively to your child's needs
Children try to communicate with adults from birth, first through crying, expressions, and movements, and later through language. The first lesson for qualified parents is to read these different forms of communication information from their children.
"Positive response" does not mean "immediate gratification" or "no principle". "Positive response" means that when the child has needs, parents can always respond to the child with words or actions at the first time, so that he knows that "I have heard your needs".
Parents need to let their children understand that their opinions are heard, but there are some rules that he still needs to follow.
When parents respond positively, another key point is to respond to the facts themselves, without evaluating the child, avoiding "labeling" the child, which will also hinder the establishment of the child's sense of security.
HUASHANKIDS
Warm physical contact
When the child is younger, parents tend to have more physical contact with the child. But as children grow older, many parents, especially fathers, will no longer consciously have physical contact with their children. But in fact, whether the child is still young or grown, they need to maintain intimate physical contact with their parents to ensure that they and their parents establish a sense of intimacy, so that they feel a steady stream of love, and love is the core of security.
Many times, no matter how many words between parents and children are not more direct than a hug or a kiss, they can let the child know that although you have grown up slowly and many things need to be completed independently, your parents will always love you and always support you.
The above points may be known to everyone, but it is not easy to really do them and do them consistently. We may wish to look at this problem from another perspective, parents make some simple moves, you can let the child get enough sense of security, form an independent personality, so why sacrifice some time to look at mobile phones and brush the circle of friends?