Question: Hello Teacher Xu Chuan, I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Because I have a lot of income, usually food, clothing, housing and transportation are basically my expenditure, he should change the mobile phone, I will buy him the latest model; he said that a certain notebook to play games cool, I will give him a change, although not married, but I really treat him as a family member.
Until not long ago, the two of us went to the mall together, I looked at a bag, four or five thousand yuan, it was time to check out I found that I did not take the mobile phone, let him help me pay the money. I really didn't want to pay him back, after all, I spent more than 10 times more money on him.
What I didn't expect was that a few days later he actually asked me to pay back, and my heart was cold at that time. Teacher Xu Chuan, was it so long ago that I spent money on him, did I spend it wrong?
Teacher Xu Chuan answered:
Hello sister, you pay so much for your boyfriend, when he pays for you, he is so calculating, your inner anger and disappointment I can understand.
We often hear that "a man who loves you must be willing to spend money on you", so, conversely, if you love a man, should you be willing to spend money on him?
In this regard, I do not recommend that girls spend a lot of money on men. It is not recommended that women bear the entire cost of love or marriage.
There are three reasons for this:
1, the importance a man attaches to feelings is directly proportional to his efforts.
A man's sense of responsibility comes from his parents' edification and education on the one hand, and more importantly, the degree of his dedication to this relationship.
If he invests a lot in this relationship and pays a high cost, he will pay a great price after the relationship breaks down and will be more cherished. However, if you bear most of the expenses and do everything for him, he will pay very little and bear less responsibility.
The same is true in marriage, "husband" and "wife" are not only a title, but also a role, to assume the responsibility of this role, if the responsibility he should bear is assumed by you, he can not enter this role, can not be a good "husband".
Therefore, love a person, do not let him be too idle, let him busy, do not let him pay nothing, to guide him to invest, to do the man's responsibility, do not take a big package, a big package of feelings is very easy to go wrong, it is easy to cultivate a selfish partner.
2, money is a man's sense of security, but also a man's self-esteem.
A man, often use women's money, but also take it for granted, which shows that he does not have the sense of emotional responsibility in his heart, with such a person, he will always only consider himself, will take your pay as a matter of course, and the enjoyment of peace of mind never pays.
3) Women shouldn't spend a lot of money on men, doesn't mean you don't give.
Everything is back and forth, he pays some for feelings, you can't just enjoy, you have to pay some for your feelings, give him back.
This feedback can be a monetary investment, but more importantly, an emotional expression. For example, you need to affirm his dedication to the relationship, encourage him often, express that you see his goodness, comfort him when he is depressed, and so on. Let him feel that you care about him, and you recognize his efforts very much, and he will continue to give after he feels this.
Good feelings must stimulate the other party to invest more, but also need to learn to express their love, with love language and behavior to manage this feeling.
If your feelings are in crisis and you don't know what to do, you can tell me your problem and I will teach you to deal with it.
About the author: Xu Chuan, a senior marriage emotional counselor and family psychotherapist, has helped more than 10,000 people solve various emotional problems.