Smart women, in fact, know that men are macho and people are rebellious, the more they want to control, the more it will be counterproductive.
For example, some women are worried that their husbands will betray themselves because they cannot resist the temptation of warblers and swallows outside, so they take a controlling approach.
Do not allow each other to have dinner, do not allow the other party to have any other contact information of the opposite sex, even if it is a colleague at work, the other party must report to himself no matter what he does.
They thought that this would never lead to trouble, but slowly they found that the contradictions between themselves and their husbands became more and more numerous, and the distance between them became more and more distant.
That's because under their desire for control, men feel that marriage is repressed, unable to give themselves the comfort and freedom they want, and therefore want to escape.
This approach will not have any effect, but it will only push us farther and farther away.
Therefore, in the relationship between the sexes, smart women understand these 3 ways to control marriage, and understand them as soon as possible.
For men, the best control is actually not control
Psychologist Adler described the law of couples getting along in "Inferiority and Transcendence": "Marriage is actually a job, it has its own rules and rules, we can not only choose one part of it, avoid the other parts, without compromising the eternal law of the earth - cooperation." ”
That is to say, the husband and wife are two independent individuals, there is a clear division of labor, although the unity is concentric, but it is not really inseparable.
The most important thing for couples to get along with is mutual respect: respect each other's differences, don't force each other to do things he doesn't like to do, and of course, don't do things you don't like to do in order to cater to each other;
Respect each other's private space, don't pervasively insert into each other's lives, and don't interfere too much with each other's preferences and social interactions.
Marriage can only last long if it gives people a sense of comfort and ease.
The power of warmth is far more effective than harshness
The north wind and the south wind compete to see who can get the pedestrians on the road to take off their coats in the shortest possible time, and whoever finishes first is the winner.
The north wind began first, only to see it rivet and blow hard as soon as it came up, but the pedestrians on the road felt more and more cold, and wrapped their coats tightly.
Exhausted by the north wind, it did not help, so he had to give up and change to the south wind.
The south wind did not take the way of the north wind, it blew slowly and slowly, and the pedestrians on the road felt very warm, so they took off their coats.
This game, the south wind won without suspense.
This is the south wind effect in psychology, which refers to the "south wind" with a warm atmosphere that is easier to penetrate people's hearts than those "north winds" with harsh atmospheres.
In real life, men sometimes make small mistakes, such as settling him to buy a bag of salt when he leaves work, only to forget it, let him wash the dishes, but accidentally break the bowl.
At this time, our consistent style is to reprimand and angrily scold, "How can you not even do this little thing well, what use do you have?" ”
The effect of such a method must be that men's enthusiasm for doing housework is suppressed, and then they will be rejected and resisted.
In fact, everyone makes mistakes, and what matters is how we deal with them.
Rebuke is not necessarily useful, but encouragement is certainly deeply rooted in the hearts of the people.
Let's not be busy denying, but tell each other not to do it next time, and affirm the other person's efforts.
In this way, men's enthusiasm for housework will increase.
The best way to achieve marital happiness is to increase your own value
A heroine in the TV series "Women's Gang" suspects that her husband has betrayed her, so regardless of whether her husband is talking about business, she rushes in and scolds the female customer.
Say she's a fox elf, say she doesn't know how to check, say she seduces her husband.
The female client laughed angrily and felt that this woman was very unreasonable.
Therefore, it is said that the woman thinks that she is wearing a shawl, sloppy, and indiscriminately reprimanding others like a shrew and losing her husband's face.
Wrong, she was losing her own face, she was losing a woman's face.
After that, the woman began to "renovate" herself, began to improve her external image, and no longer cope with those fictitious things.
When they met again, the female client was surprised by the woman's transformation, and the woman's husband also quipped that in the past, the woman was afraid of leaving by herself, but now it has become her own fear of the woman leaving.
It can be seen that when we become good enough ourselves, men will have a sense of crisis and fear that we will leave, and thus they will care more about us.
The famous host Yang Lan said: "The best marriage is the joint efforts of two people, continuous progress, continuous improvement of themselves, and once again attract each other." "In a relationship, a woman can only truly control a man if she continues to grow herself.