Introduction to Psychological Counseling for Adolescents
Many parents will find it difficult to get along with their adolescent children, and you don't know why they are sullen and grumpy, or why a small thing makes them clear in an instant.
If he is bored with school, addicted to online chat, playing games, and is not interested in other things, it will make his parents headache and helpless. When it comes to not going to school, parents are both soft and hard, and it is often difficult for children to change.
Adolescent psychological counseling for you to analyze: in the face of children's reluctance to go to school, what else can parents do?
Liang Liang is 15 years old this year, and since he was a child, he has been a legendary "other person's child" - well-behaved and smart, with excellent grades, and has also been admitted to one of the best junior high schools in the city, which makes her mother very pleased.
But since entering the second year of junior high school, my mother feels bright and has changed, has become less like learning, once came home from school, she consciously did her homework, read books after doing homework, and then took a bath and slept, and now when she comes back, she loses her school bag, lies on the sofa, plays with her mobile phone, chats with her classmates for a while, plays games for a while, and even eats and bathes and does not want to put it down.
Mom was very angry, repeatedly admonished Liang Liang, and even confiscated Liang Liang's mobile phone. But Liang Liang still couldn't control himself, and even borrowed his classmate's mobile phone to play at school, and he was secretly playing in class, and was found by the teacher to invite the parents.
Now the mother and son quarrel every day because of Liang Liang's mobile phone, Liang Liang's mood is getting worse and worse, even do not go to school, do not read, full of resentment towards his mother and teachers.
Mom is very nervous and helpless, knowing that she can't compromise, but she doesn't know what to do but compromise... The mother, who had no choice but to bring Liang Liang to the psychological counseling center for help.
Analysis of adolescent psychological counseling
Children are addicted to mobile phones and refuse to go to school, as parents are really anxious, very anxious, and the more disciplined, the more confrontational the children.
What is puzzling is that when Liang Liang and his mother had such a conflict, he did not see his father involved. When the counselor communicated with He Liangliang alone, he asked Liangliang, "Why didn't Dad come over?"
Liang Liang replied, "Dad is too busy and knows work all day." He often doesn't go home for dinner, doesn't have time for parent-teacher meetings, and doesn't care about things at home..."
In bright hearts, he felt that his father did not love himself at all, did not care about himself, did not love this home, and it seemed that it did not exist in this family.
When the counselor asked the same question to the mother, the mother immediately expressed her anger at her husband, "His father never cared about me or the children!" All he sees is work! When a child grows up, he has never his heart once! He's a man without responsibility..."
It turned out that after Liang Liang was born, his father became a workaholic, always having endless meetings, unfinished work, and rarely asking about children and families.
After several consultations, the counselor learned that before Liang Liang was born, her mother and father were still very affectionate, supporting and encouraging each other. After Liang Liang was born, grandma came to take care of it, and there were some contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and dad would not deal with them, resulting in the intensification of contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In the end, the family unanimously decided to let the young couple take the children by themselves and the grandmother returned to her hometown.
Dad is resentful of this. After all, the two young people have to take the child and go to work, it is very hard, the father feels very tired, and there is some resentment towards the mother.
In the end, the strong mother decided to take the child alone, relying on her husband for nothing, so she put all her feelings and attention on the child, hoping to take care of the child perfectly. It was also from then on that Dad became a "workaholic".
▎Why such a coincidence?
Through in-depth understanding, the reason gradually became clear: when the wife gave all the love, care and tolerance that should belong to the husband to the child, the husband felt a strong sense of neglect, did not know how to re-integrate into the family, and had to go to work to seek a sense of value and belonging.
And his father's escape made his time at home shorter and shorter, his sense of participation less and less, and he gradually became an "invisible person" in the family.
A man's sense of power and a woman's sense of power are very different. When the family lacks the role of husband and father, although the woman is very tough on the surface, can endure hardships, and can endure toil and loneliness for her children, it is easy to have anxiety and worry.
The more anxious the mother is, the more she transfers all her emotional needs and expectations to the child, such as hoping that the child is strong, hoping that the child is obedient, and hoping that the child will grow up smoothly...
When the boy was relatively young, he was still able to listen to his mother's instructions. However, due to the absence of his father, the boy and his mother are too close to each other, failing to separate from their mother in time after the age of 3, failing to enter the wider world under the leadership of their father, and have been entangled in the relationship with their mother.
Love and hate are intertwined, love and freedom conflict with each other, after entering puberty, boys once again long to be separated from their mothers, eager to have a little free space to be themselves, confrontation, escape is the way many children use.
In the face of adolescent children in this way, many mothers will feel panicked, once the obedient, sensible, coaxing child, more and more difficult to communicate, more and more unwilling to open their hearts, farther and farther away from you...
Moreover, after living together for more than ten years, the child has already figured out the mother's temper, and knows that you love him and will not really take him, even if the mother is violent, the adolescent child will no longer be "scared" like a child.
When the mother's discipline fails, the father is still absent and cannot be managed, and there will be a state of "the family cannot manage, the school does not care, and the society is not in charge".
Adolescent Counseling Reminder
In the early years of a child, the companionship of parents is very important. Moreover, the influence of parents on their children is carried out for life.
In the company, parents give their children a good example, for example, the restraint of appetite, the balance between satisfying desire and waiting, the continuous pursuit of the spiritual world, the perseverance and struggle of life, the calmness of experiencing difficulties... These will subtly affect the child.
Moreover, in parent-child interaction, the feelings of parents and children are basically similar. When criticizing the child for not understanding things, the child is also complaining that you do not understand him; blaming the child for driving you crazy, you are basically driving the child crazy; when you feel that you can't get close to the child, there is a gap, the child does not know how to get close to you...
To change the parent-child relationship, the first step is to start from acceptance, adjust their emotions and attitudes, and the child is willing to slowly let go of the guard and confrontation with you, then education can be effective.
If you feel that your relationship with your child is already very antagonistic and antagonistic, you can seek the help of a professional psychological counselor.
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