Text/Yangcheng Evening News all-media reporter Cui Wencan Photo/Visual China
Four-year-old Liang Liang began to learn Go, and every night he pestered his parents to play chess with him. However, he always couldn't afford to lose, and if his parents didn't let him win him, he would cry and make a lot of noise. Mom is very entangled, in the end do you want to let him? Let his words because I hope that he will enjoy the fun of playing chess in the process of winning chess; I hope that my children will not care so much about winning or losing from an early age. There are not a few parents who have similar entanglements with Liang Liang's mother...
What should I do if my child "can't afford to lose"? Experts said in an interview that instead of surpassing others, parents should let children understand and surpass themselves, guide children to understand the connotation of "competitive", pay attention to cooperative issues, and guide children's social interaction.
Parents should pay attention to their children's ability to cooperate and guide social interaction
Director:
The mental cultivation of young children is the key to the connection between young children and young children
Gong Xuehui, director of The Ming Kindergarten, noticed that in the sports relay game with a competitive nature in the kindergarten, there are also children who are particularly eager to win the place, and they will express their dissatisfaction by crying for the honor of not being able to get it.
In the face of such a situation, the first thing Gong Xuehui has to do is to let the child calm down, and after the child vents her emotions, she will not directly tell the child whether the behavior is right or wrong, but analyze whether the behavior is appropriate or not. "We do not directly deny the child's behavior, but adhere to positive education, first affirm where the child is doing well in this process, and then put forward expectations for the child."
"Parents should gladly accept the behavior of young children competing for the first." Lin Min, deputy director of Taikang Road Kindergarten, said bluntly, "This is a stage of children's self-awareness, and at this stage, some children will show their affirmation of themselves, like to express themselves or show superiority among their peers, and some children will show a lack of confidence." ”
Lin Min said that as a parent, while accepting the performance of young children, pay attention to creating a relaxed and recognized atmosphere, such as comparing with the neighboring children as much as possible in the sentence, and affirming the development of the children themselves; at the same time, seize the opportunity of the strong cognitive needs of young children to provide different experiences and opportunities for young children.
She believes that the mental cultivation of preschool children is a key to the early childhood connection, and the correct guidance can make them interested in learning. When parents face this problem, they can sometimes put forward tasks that are more difficult for children to achieve, so that children can feel the importance of learning and stimulate children's internal drive.
Children are competitive and parents should guide them correctly
expert:
Transform competitive character into an intrinsic drive for development
Experts in this issue: Zheng Fuming, Associate Professor and Master Tutor, School of Educational Sciences, South China Normal University
Preschoolers' mental development includes two basic aspects: cognitive development and personality development. Personality development encompasses both self-knowledge and attitudes and explicit behavior towards others and external things.
Preschoolers around the age of 3 have the characteristics of "self-centeredness". Therefore, the favorite thing for young children to say is, "This is mine!" The child's own competitive spirit is not a negative psychology, but everything is "too late": when the child must "compete for the first" at any time, and when he does not get the "first", there are negative emotions such as resentment, irritability, and even negative behaviors such as abandonment or aggression, this reaction gradually becomes a psychological problem.
The Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education, which came into effect on January 1 this year, pointed out that the primary task of family education is to cultivate people with virtue. Also as a huiyi word, the original meaning of "virtue" is "to take care of oneself and others", and the connotation of "people" is to support each other. In other words, the basic meaning of "Li De Shu Ren" means that individuals should take into account the needs and feelings of others in any social interaction. Therefore, the social development of young children is a gradual process of "de-self-centeredness".
In this process, parents can start with two basic aspects. First of all, the child's "competitive" character should not be denied, but should be transformed into an internal driving force for "development". Being competitive is a positive mindset in itself, but its most fundamental meaning is not "surpassing others", but "surpassing yourself". Therefore, for preschoolers, parents can use natural phenomena that are easy for children to understand and guide their children to understand the connotation of "competitive".
For example, by watching sports together, telling your child that "winning the championship" is the result of athletes' hard work, and everyone has their own strengths: an athlete who wins the 100-meter event cannot win the championship in diving at the same time. In addition, we pay more attention to the mutual support and efforts between team members, we respect not only the "champion", every athlete who has worked hard deserves our respect. Through such examples, it will help children to more intuitively understand the relationship between "competitive" and "first".
Secondly, parents should gradually dilute the concept of "first" in their usual parent-child interaction. For example, try to avoid making unrealistic and meaningless promises like "Daddy will pick you up first after school." When asking children about their performance in kindergarten, we should also try to minimize the implicit competitive questions such as "how many are you ranked", on the contrary, we should pay more attention to some cooperative questions such as "what did you do for teachers and friends today". Such guidance has a positive effect on the social development of young children such as communication skills. (For more news, please pay attention to Yangcheng Pie pai.ycwb.com)
Source | Yangcheng Evening News Yangcheng Pie
Editor-in-charge | Wang Moyi