Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
When I picked up my child from school at the entrance of the kindergarten, I was simply not aware of it, and I was shocked when I chatted
Some children can memorize 300 Tang poems, some children can read 1000+, and some children can even do addition and subtraction within 20...
I have to say that the current kindergarten is really "rolling".
Take the parents Lan Ma knows for example, they basically arrange their children's learning plans clearly
From skipping rope and drawing, to learning pinyin, literacy, doing practice problems and dancing skills, there is basically not much time to do what you like
Of course, there are also some parents who say:
"I can't roll it, my kids know Ultraman"
"My daughter didn't know how to skip rope when she was in middle school, and the other children in the class learned it, and she didn't want to be embarrassed, she didn't play with toys and TV every day after school, and she was so active in practicing skipping rope that she didn't even care about eating, and it didn't take long for her to become the best kid in the class to skip rope."
"There's really no need to be too rolly, children know that they don't need to urge when they learn, and when they don't want to learn, the more you urge, the more annoying they are, when my son was in the big class, the teacher asked me to sign in in the morning to write his name, and during that time he pestered me every day to teach him to write his name, if it was before, you let him write a word and pinch his flesh as resistant"
…
From these, it can be seen that raising children is equivalent to us planting crops, and we are in no hurry
Water when it's time to water and fertilize when it's time for children to bear their own fruits of growth
Although excellent children are cultivated from an early age, the most important ability for parents to "roll" in kindergarten is not how many words they know, how many questions they can calculate, how many poems they can memorize, or how beautiful words they can write, but to pay attention to the development of social skills
Socialization is also the most important ability that accompanies children's growth
So how can we help our children have this ability? Lan Ma summarized the following important information, hoping to help everyone
01
Don't protect too well
Children are allowed to play freely within a safe area
I don't know if you have noticed such a phenomenon:
The better the child is protected by his parents, the more delicate he is, especially in terms of social skills and physical fitness, just like a newborn baby
Lulu, a cousin in the intensive breeding mode, is to raise her daughter as rich as a princess
From childhood to adulthood, Lan's mother's little niece is what she says, she is spoiled by the four old people on both sides, and when she usually goes out to play with children, her cousin is also nervous like a bodyguard to eliminate danger at any time
For example, when she saw a pile of sand, she immediately took off her shoes and drilled into the sand, and her cousin would nervously wring her away when she saw this scene, and explained that "it was so dirty, and when the time comes, it will be everywhere you get clothes"
Or, when the children were playing together, a few children seemed to be domineering and unreasonable, and the cousin was worried that her daughter would be bullied, so she hurriedly took them away
In addition, in order to avoid getting sick, my cousin also took "quarantine" measures
When you are sick, you ask for leave to rest at home, don't go anywhere, and disinfect your home many times a day
It's the same when you usually go out, you can't go out for fear of the sun in summer, you don't go out for fear of mosquitoes in autumn, and you don't go out for fear of cold in winter...
In the case of such a cost-effective mode, in the case of intensive farming, the niece can go out in the spring season
I thought that with such careful raising, the child would be taken care of very well
But it turns out that pines and cypresses can't be raised in the greenhouse, and thousands of horses can't run away in the courtyard
Don't look at my niece who is very domineering at home, but when she goes outside, she doesn't even dare to speak, and every time she goes to a crowded place, she hides behind her mother to seek protection
Physically, I always have a cold and fever not long after I am sent to school, especially in the autumn and winter, my cousin is almost a "frequent visitor" in the hospital
One winter, because of frequent illness and fever, she asked the teacher for leave and said, "The child will get sick as soon as he is sent to school, so it is better not to go this winter"
As for the teacher, he spoke more bluntly at that time
She told her cousin directly: "There is no environment to adapt to the child, only the child adapts to the environment, if the child has poor resistance, you can usually accompany it to exercise more, such as skipping rope, jogging, these sports are good"
Since then, my cousin has slowly changed the intensive breeding mode that is too thoughtful for the children, insisting on sending them to school as long as they don't have a fever, and letting the children play freely as long as the venue is safe
Several years have passed, and looking at the niece's state has changed a lot
Every day after school, she pestered her cousin to take her to play with her classmates, and everyone jumped around the square together, even if she was sweating profusely and dirty, she would not get sick and have a fever when she got home
This is a good body that comes out of "training".
The same is true for social skills, as long as we "dare" to let go, children can get more opportunities for challenge
If you want your child to walk confidently in a crowd, you need to allow your child to play freely and take them out to meet and interact with people often
02
Don't interfere too much
The children's affairs are arranged by themselves
When I took the children back to my grandmother's house during the holidays, Grandma Wang from the next village chatted with my grandmother
Seeing that Lan's two daughters were lively and cute, and they greeted people warmly when they saw them, she said with some envy:
"These two daughters are so well raised, they are so kind when they see people, and they are sweet in people's hearts, unlike the granddaughter in my family, who is not even willing to shout when she sees me now, and I don't know if her mother taught me"
Hearing this, I instinctively replied, "No, when children grow up, they have their own social circles and opinions, and it is normal for them to have no common topics with us adults."
But Grandma Wang still disagrees, and always feels that "the child was not like that before, but it has only changed in recent years"
Later, on the way home from vacation, I met Grandma Wang's granddaughter, who was waiting for the bus with her mother on the side of the road
Thinking that I could stop by the way, I stopped and drove them home
At that time, the girl was the first to get in the car, looked at us, and then lowered her head and held the schoolbag in her arms without speaking
The mother followed closely, and seeing her daughter's indifference without even saying hello, she obviously criticized with some embarrassment:
"It's rude to don't greet people when you see them, I think you're stupid to read."
Looking through the rearview mirror, the mother's words obviously made the girl pout and look unhappy
After about ten minutes, when the atmosphere was not so tense, the girl slowly said, "Mom, can I go back and have a fun party with my classmates later?"
Mom replied directly: "No, your school homework is done, but the homework I assigned to you is not completed"
于是，不服气的女孩就开始顶嘴说：“天天把我关在家里学习，我现在见到人，都不知道该怎么跟人打招呼，嘴笨的连话都不敢说了”
Indeed, children's socialization needs to be "practiced", and the courage and eloquence of greeting are the same
If you want your child to be down-to-earth, don't limit their freedom
If you let your child live a frog life at the bottom of a well that does not listen to things outside the window and only reads the books of sages and sages since he was a child, after a long time, no matter how much knowledge and eloquence he has, he will become silent because he has nowhere to show it
Therefore, don't tie your children to study at home when they are playful, and don't interfere too much when your child is eager to make friends
Believe in your child and tell them, "You can do what you love, but you have to finish your homework first, it's your responsibility."
Allow your child to schedule their own time, while also telling them what the bottom line is that should not be touched
This kind of tight and loose teaching method can make children better learn and play at the same time
03
Don't get anxious too quickly
Children don't have friends, it's not how bad they are
We want our children to have good social skills, but this is not urgent, and we can't put too much psychological pressure on our children
There is a relative's daughter, who was lively and cute when she was a child, and when she saw everyone, she greeted everyone sweetly and said, "Hello"
The natural self-familiar personality makes everyone think: "Such a child will never be lonely after going to school in the future, and he must be surrounded by many good friends"
So, on the first day of kindergarten, the girl was asked by her parents, grandparents, and grandparents continuously:
"How about it, I made a few friends in kindergarten today?"
As soon as I got out of the kindergarten, my mother would ask, my grandparents would ask when I got home, and when I had a video call with my father who was working in other places, it was no exception
In the face of so many voices of "making a few friends", the girl replied: "I made a lot of friends" in order to save her face.
Hearing that the child is so powerful, everyone is naturally relieved and happy for the child
Soon, the news that the girl made many friends on the first day of kindergarten spread among relatives and friends around her
Every time I meet an acquaintance, I will also pull and ask: "I made a new friend today, introduce us to him."
Gradually, "I made a few friends today" invisibly became the girl's inner pressure
If she didn't make friends today, or if others refused to play with her, she would be depressed and reluctant to talk all day, and even reluctant to talk to her family in severe cases
When the mother learned of this situation, she was anxious and pulled the child to the room and slowly asked to find out the truth
It turned out that the girl did not make friends on the first day of kindergarten, and she did not pay attention to people when she greeted children in kindergarten
When I got home, I was asked one by one "how many friends I made", and the inferiority complex in my heart spontaneously arose
接下来，“今天交了几个朋友”的关切也是一样
Although everyone cares about and understands girls, this kind of label-like expectation is beyond the reach of the gap
Therefore, there is no urgency about how many friends children make and how many friends they can make
As parents, we also want our children to have healthy and high-quality friendships that treat each other with sincerity
In this process, the smart parent will act as a temporary friend of the child, rather than a caring and nagging guardian
For example, when there are no friends standing next to the child today, we should become a big friend and invite the child to play together
Tell him: "Mom and Dad are big friends now, what do you want to play, let's go out together", the child will especially enjoy the time with Mom and Dad
Or, when the child sees the other children timidly retreating, we should appear in front of the child like Ultraman
Tell Ta, "I'm a big hero who saves the world, who wants to fight monsters with me", followed by various "I want" and "I think" voices, and the child will become more brave and gregarious under this atmosphere
To love children is to overcome difficulties with children, and to love children is to accompany them like a big friend to defeat their fears when they encounter setbacks and dare not
When children are no longer weak and cowardly behind their parents, it is also the highlight moment for them to gain courage and social skills
So, what are the different suggestions and opinions on the fact that the most important thing to "roll" in kindergarten is social skills? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!