Note: Story source Tencent Video "Ten Years: The Story of a Mother of an Autistic Child"
"When I know what autism means, I feel like life is falling apart.
Why me? How will you live in the future? I even thought of dying! But if it dies, how will the child be placed? So you can only survive. ”
Sitting in front of the camera is the mother of an autistic child, looking forward with confused eyes, helpless with a little determination. After saying these words, she paused for a few seconds, as if to give herself some emotional buffer.
For families with autistic children, the moment the child is diagnosed, it means that everything will be reshuffled and reorganized, and it also needs to experience unwillingness, sadness, despair... But even if the peaceful life is broken by fate, it can only be caught with both hands.
Today's protagonist has made a ten-year covenant for himself and climbed out of the valley!
Before giving birth, Deng Qun was in the red wine business, stepping on high heels every day and entering and exiting high-end office buildings. She reminisced about the past, living petty bourgeoisie, without stress.
"The past and the present me, from the image to the concept of completely subverted, it can be said that (autism) completely changed a person." 」
01
At the bottom of life
"From the very beginning, knowing that he was behind the average child, his life suddenly fell straight down to the bottom, without any chance of buffering."
In November 2010, Deng Qun finally welcomed his own child. But her son liangliang could not speak until 18 months, and although everyone around her thought it was normal, she still vaguely felt that something was wrong.
Finally, I still couldn't bear to worry about the decision to go to the hospital for examination, checked back and forth three waves, experienced three doctors, all said that the child was no problem, back and forth a bit of tossing, the child is almost 3 years old. What made her feel anxious was that liangliang at this time still couldn't speak, and even the word "mother" was pronounced vaguely.
Finally, it was diagnosed in the Sixth Hospital of Beijing, where the winter was very cold and it was snowing lightly that day. But Deng Qun did not have time to be sad, took the contact information of the rehabilitation institution given by the doctor, and immediately rushed to the rehabilitation center for consultation when he left the hospital, and even the teacher of the rehabilitation center was surprised by her mobility.
Because she has a belief: to buy time for the child, do not want to waste a minute.
But the "reality" seen in the rehabilitation center made Deng Qun feel cold in his heart.
Those autistic youths who are bigger than themselves, but their self-care ability is still particularly poor, are the most intuitive "autism" for Deng Qun. Seeing such a scene, how can you not feel that your life is collapsing?
After starting to give his son intervention training, Deng Qun got up at 6 o'clock every day with his son, one institution in the morning and two institutions in the afternoon, and it was more than eight o'clock in the evening when he arrived home all day.
At the end of the year, every day, there is no rest day. She recalls those days, one person doing countless people's work, nervous, every day in a race against time!
It was also then that she gave up a lot of socializing, did not take the initiative to connect with friends, buried herself in doing what she had to do, and her work was at a standstill.
Even her friends invited her to dinner. She felt that she was tired and sleepy every day, and had no time to think about anything else, rather than inviting her to dinner, it was better to help take the child for two hours and let her sleep, but it was a substantial help.
The shimmer of life comes from bright changes. From one word, two words, five words, to complete sentences, every bit of progress can bring Deng Qun unparalleled joy. And when she naively thought that the child would have no problem talking and going to school, reality gave her another slap.
Liang Liang's high-intensity intervention lasted until the age of 7, and when he reached the age of enrollment, he was rejected, and the child could not go to ordinary school at all, and Deng Qun chose to postpone his study for a year in desperation.
Re-found an institution to intervene, the institutional teacher package ticket intervention for a year, going to primary school is certainly no problem, Deng Qun also suddenly had confidence.
Another year passed, however, Liang Liang was frustrated again when he entered school at the age of 8!
At this time, the teacher of the institution changed his words and asked Deng Qun: "Is going to primary school so important to children?" Deng Qun said she was very desperate and angry at the time.
Angered, Deng Qun began to inspect the school and look for a suitable school for Liangliang. But after inspecting it, he found that there was no place suitable for him to study.
Deng Qun panicked and didn't know what to do.
Life is sometimes like a towering master, "teasing" people, sometimes giving you hope, sometimes taking you into the valley of despair.
02
Flowers blossom in the darkness
"At the bottom of life, at the beginning I still fantasized about who could pull a hand, but in the end I wanted to understand one thing: I can't be at the bottom of the valley forever, and it is not right to ask for anything, I can only ask for myself!" 」
Deng Qun only makes choices that are suitable for children, and since ordinary schools can't keep up with their studies, then simply teach themselves!
Although it is a tutor, the sense of ceremony can not be less. Deng Qun remodeled the layout of the home and specially arranged an area as an academy, so the "Stone Drum Academy" was born, and Liang Liang was the only student.
On the first day of "school", Deng Qun said to Liangliang: "From today on, you will go to school, study in the Stone Drum Academy, and your mother will teach you." ”
Because I don't have any experience, I can only grope while learning. In the process of continuous experimentation, Deng Qun found that learning traditional Chinese studies was very helpful for the improvement of LiangLiang's language ability, so she began to try to teach Chinese studies as a breakthrough.
Therefore, the first regular textbook of the "Stone Drum Academy" was "Lao Tzu" and "Zhuangzi", and I did not expect that Liang Liang spent several months memorizing all the contents word for word. Not only can you memorize, but you can also read.
Then she and her son studied the I Ching, the Book of Poetry, and the Treatise on Typhoid Fever. There are many strange words in these classics, which are the same as the Heavenly Book for Deng Qun, but they are very simple for Liang Liang, and there are almost no learning obstacles. Even in a Chinese medicine classic like "On Typhoid Fever", he can record the amount of prescriptions.
Deng Qun felt very magical, she finally found the bright strength, caught one of his shining points.
One day, Liang Liang took the initiative to say to Deng Qun: "I want to write brush characters." ”
Deng Qun was surprised, but he respected the child's ideas. She is also a calligraphy white, where dare she have any expectations and purposes for this "hobby", but Liang Liang suddenly wants to learn, then learn it.
At first, it was only to teach holding a pen and drawing red to learn strokes, and when I had free time, I took Liang Liang to see the calligraphy and painting exhibition, and the works I usually practiced were sent to a calligraphy teacher I knew, asking for guidance, and the rest was completely practiced by Liang Liang.
"Once Liang Liang wrote an oracle bone couplet, which shocked everyone, countless times stronger than the original. Suddenly discovering his natural ability was so surprising. Deng Qun found another shining point for a child.
Liang Liang wrote a lot of very good Oracle works, many professional teachers are very recognized by him, and some of his works are also included in the British Museum, which is a great relief for Deng Qun.
"Children's shining points are slowly discovered in the process of education, rather than us imposing on children to let children learn." Deng Qun summed up her educational experience.
The "Stone Drum Academy" for Liang Liang has been running for 3 years, and Deng Qun described the years after Liang Liang's diagnosis that life was in a "dark state", and this feeling of "darkness" continued until Liang Liang was 8 years old.
It wasn't until he taught himself to shine and found his shining point that "this darkest hour slowly blossomed into a flower." When I have the embellishment of a flower, I feel that I can see a little light in the darkness. ”
The gift of fate is not the fruit obtained by opening the thorns with one's own hands, and there is no road that does not rely on the feet to open the land and break the earth.
03
Because of my children, I became a better version of myself
"Experiencing the darkness of life is not necessarily a bad thing."
Although there will still be various problems in reality, Deng Qun is more relaxed than in the past. "Looking back, experiencing the darkness of life wasn't necessarily a bad thing. For myself at that time, it was difficult to cross over, whether it was financially or energy and pressure. However, being able to persevere is also an encouragement to yourself. ”
In the years of accompanying children, high heels have become flat bottoms, and Deng Qun's heart has also changed.
"After teaching Liang Liang at home, I felt that my life had become more relaxed. Unlike before, it was completely nervous, running all over Beijing. ”
Moreover, with the improvement of Liangliang's self-learning ability, Deng Qun also has more free time to enrich himself. She felt that in the past, she may have been busy earning money and could not study quietly, but now because of her son, it is also a harvest to have time to study quietly.
In the process of accompanying her studies, she also became acquainted with calligraphy and painting, constantly improving herself, and some people invited her to be a calligraphy and painting agent, and her learning was recognized and made her happy.
And starting to accept herself is another thing for her to be happy, "I don't like my previous self, I feel that my past self has no advantages." 」 After going through the darkness, I fell in love with myself. For the future, I believe I will become a better version of myself. In recent years, Deng Qun no longer complained about the world, but began to enjoy the joy of growing up with his son and felt the joy of his heart.
Deng Qun knew that she would experience difficulties in the future that she did not know, but no one could predict this. But she firmly believes that learning throughout her life and going slowly should not be too bad.
A "joke" of heaven that mortals will have to spend a lifetime defusing. But all the people who have come out of the muddy road and the valley of darkness are telling us that since the "joke" cannot be changed, then change yourself and finally climb out of the valley step by step!