The quality of the mother is immersed in all things, filled with heaven and earth, and accompanied by the child's growth throughout life.
Author | Fireworks in March
Just yesterday, the hit drama "Heart Residence" ushered in the grand finale.
This drama takes the Gu family as the main line, a panoramic picture of the life of a large family in Shanghai, which slowly unfolds in front of the audience.
In the play, there is Gu Qingyu, the eldest daughter of the Gu family, who studied hard and was admitted to a prestigious university and became an executive of a foreign company at the age of 36.
There is a daughter-in-law Feng Xiaoqin from abroad, who wants to become a Shanghainese, and serves the family to eat and drink Lasa every day, and works hard and complains.
There are also upstarts who eat the dividends of buying a house, Zhan Xiang, who do not have to worry about money in this life, but rack their brains for a fruitless single love;
......
In the bodies of various characters, we can more or less find our own shadows.
As a mother, in addition to paying attention to the short fireworks in the parents, what attracted my attention more was the education of their children in each family.
In the play, Ge Yue, the daughter of the Gaogan family, is gentle and educated, but after marriage, she encountered her husband's cheating;
Gu Xin, who does not understand gratitude and does not know how to cherish happiness, is still three twilight and four after marriage, a proper scumbag appearance;
Shi Yuan, high self-esteem and extreme inferiority, can not face himself, resulting in many contradictions in the marriage.
All three of them are actually very hardworking, some are diligent and capable, and some are painstakingly guarding the marriage, but the ending is not beautiful.
It wasn't until I analyzed their moms that I understood where their misfortune came from.
Protective moms
Can't raise children who can withstand the wind and rain
Father Ge is a department and bureau-level cadre, Ge Mu is a rich wife who is well-bred, and for the only daughter in the family, Ge Yue, they give the care of "holding the fear of falling, and the fear of melting".
When her daughter encounters something, Ge Mu is like a hen protecting a chicken cub, sheltering her daughter under her wings and not letting her suffer from the wind and rain.
When the daughter is sad and sad, Ge Mu will gently embrace her daughter into her arms, comfort and relieve her, and will also scold the culprit who makes her daughter sad.
Ge Mu shielded her daughter from all the wind, frost, rain and snow.
Therefore, Ge Yue is like a flower in a greenhouse, beautiful and delicate, but also weatherless.
She is kind and simple, her personality is soft, and she can't even say no.
She took her future in-laws and relatives to see the marriage room, and when she was asked to attend the family dinner, she smiled and agreed no matter how reluctant she was.
Eating with a group of unfamiliar people makes her, who is not good at words, more shy and restrained, and she does not know the taste after a meal.
After marriage, her mother-in-law often criticized and accused her because she spent a lot of money, and she dared to be angry and did not dare to speak, and could only hide in the bedroom and sulk.
After becoming pregnant, her husband behaved inappropriately and became more and more cold to her, and she only silently shed tears in the middle of the night...
When she was young, because of her mother's protection, Ge Yue lost too many opportunities to face difficulties and solve problems independently.
When she grew up, she was helpless to connect with the short soldiers of life, and had to choose to wronged herself.
There is a "pot effect" in psychology, which refers to the artificial creation of very suitable environmental conditions, in a period of time, flowers can grow very well.
But once they leave the careful care of people, the flowers cannot withstand the change of temperature, and they cannot withstand the wind and rain.
In the process of raising children, the mother's desire to protect is too strong, just like "planting flowers in a pot".
Mothers create the most suitable growth environment, keeping all unfavorable factors out of the child's world, how can such an grown-up child withstand the ups and downs of life and the bumps of fate?
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said:
"Love is an extremely dangerous thing that often leads to harm, and the more you love, the more it leads to harm."
Yes, everything is too late, and so is love.
It is natural for mothers to love their children, but the mother's overprotective love for her children is a potential harm, and the more protective the greater the harm.
Every mother wants to protect her child for a lifetime, but few mothers can accompany their children to the end.
Some roads must be walked step by step by children, and some obstacles must be taken by children one by one.
After experiencing this, children can be confident and frank on their own life path, bravely move forward, and live as their own backers.
Selfish calculating mom
You can't raise open-minded children
Who is the most obnoxious character in Heart Dwelling?
Su Wangdi, the great aunt of the Gu family, is in the first place.
She kept her mouth shut and offended everyone around her.
She is selfish, easy to compare and vain, and is a typical image of a small citizen.
In the original work of "Heart Residence", Su Wangdi and her husband Gu Shihai were young when they were young, and they were zhiqing in the northeast.
The sister-in-law Gu Shilian was worried that after her sister-in-law and brother returned to Shanghai, they would not have a place to live, so they gave a newly purchased small house to her brother-in-law's family.
This is a suite, not a small object, but Su Wangdi only said "thank you" to the sister-in-law.
In order to send her daughter to study abroad, when Gu Shilian replaced the house from large to small, something went wrong, and the difference of 300,000 yuan could only be paid by herself first.
Gu Shilian opened her mouth to borrow from her sister-in-law, but Su Wangdi only said lightly, "They are all dead, and it is not cost-effective to take them out." ”
Su Wangdi only saved her little interest from loss, completely ignoring the difficulties of her sister-in-law's family that had generously helped her.
When her son married the director's family, she said to everyone, "Xinxin lives in a big house and drives a good car, Xinxin wants to rise high, and the future is immeasurable." ”
However, when her relatives were punished for accepting bribes, Su Wangdi not only did not comfort her daughter-in-law at all, but also said some inconsistency in front of her relatives.
Su Wangdi was selfish and calculating, and these qualities were transmitted to her son in the ear.
Gu Xin meets the daughter of the director and can mercilessly abandon his girlfriend who has been in love for 10 years;
When he was depressed and unhappy after marriage, he turned back to his ex-girlfriend and asked to reunite with her;
When Yue Zhang's accident occurred, he ignored his wife's feelings and cheated on both mentally and physically.
He was only focused on his own appearance, almost like his mother.
Yu Minhong once said:
"A family that is calculating and greedy, loves a cheap family, and can't get out of a child with a big heart."
It is difficult for us to find a child in a vulgar family with elegance and purity. ”
Indeed it is.
My junior high school classmate Xiao Wei was trapped in his mother's selfish calculations.
Xiao Wei's mother, Aunt Yang, is calculating, interacts with the neighbors, and never wants to make a profit for herself.
When buying a share of something with a neighbor and dividing it into two portions, she always preemptively took away the high portion;
Borrowing other people's things always has no return date, and if you can use it for one more day, you can use it for one more day;
Xiao Wei took out the snacks at home and shared them with her friends, she scolded her son for lack of heart and eyes, and she would not enjoy good things by herself.
Unconsciously, Xiao Wei was immersed in being as calculating and selfish as his mother.
When he was in college, his roommates shared the specialties they brought from home, and Xiaowei ate them with relish.
And when he shared it, he always said that he forgot to bring it. Over time, his roommates stayed away from him.
After joining the work, Xiaowei found that the office supplies in the office could be used casually, so he took advantage of the fact that his colleagues were not paying attention and stuffed some small objects into his bag.
He also often used a public printer to print private things.
If you don't know, you can't do it unless you don't do it yourself.
As soon as Xiaowei's contract expired, the company did not renew it with him.
How sad and lamentable it is to lose big because of small things.
After studying the laws of children's growth and development, psychologists will cultivate children's habits of 3-6 years old, called the "wet cement period".
Both physically and psychologically, the mother is the one closest to the child.
What kind of person a child will become depends on how the mother shapes.
Zheng Yuanjie said:
"The meaning of mother is influence, and the effect on the child is both innate implantation and acquired penetration, and runs through every cell in the child's body."
The influence of mothers on children is pervasive and progressive.
What a mother is, what a child is.
Selfish and calculating mothers cannot raise children who are selfless and generous.
Only when the mother is not confined to the worldliness and calculation in front of her, can the child be open-minded and see the wider world.
Moms with high expectations
It is easiest to raise children with inferiority and screwing
Every child is the darling of the mother who fights for her life, and the mother hopes more than anyone that her children can study well, live a good life, and live a life that everyone envies.
Therefore, mothers inevitably have stricter requirements for their children, which is beyond reproach.
But the mother's expectation value is too high, which will shackle the child's normal development.
Shi Yuan's mother in the play is a mother with high expectations.
Shi's father and mother went to the countryside to Xinjiang, and the living environment was very different from when they were in Shanghai.
During those difficult years, Shi Mu unfortunately suffered from depression and needed to take antidepressant drugs to barely fall asleep.
She pinned all her hopes for the revitalization of the Shi family on her son, pasted the wall with small notes, "Don't give up", "Return to Shanghai", "Be a Shanghainese", and always remind her son not to relax;
She stared at her son every night and told him "you are the best" and "you will definitely do well in the exam"...
When she heard that the medicine she took could lift her spirits and improve her memory, she quietly put the medicine into her son's mung bean soup, not knowing that the medicine in the bottle had long been replaced by Shi Father as sleeping pills.
Shi Yuan fell asleep in the examination room of the college entrance examination, and the results of the examination can be imagined.
But even if Shi Mu feels guilty about her son, she still does not change her excessive expectations for her son.
She believes that her son is the best, and the only one who can deserve her son is the daughter of Huang Sister's family in the United States, the doll kiss she gave her when she was young.
Therefore, when the son took his wife home, she wrote her dissatisfaction on her face and looked down on her daughter-in-law.
When she first met her father-in-law, she spoke out in a wordless manner, believing that the other party was not worthy of her own family, and she broke up unhappily.
If a mother is like this, why should a child be embarrassed?
The education from his mother's ear made him a person with high self-esteem, and at the same time, he was limited by academic qualifications and abilities, and he was deeply inferior in his heart.
Therefore, he must do notarization of property before marriage, and he will not let his wife help him repay the money owed by his mother for medical treatment.
Even if the arrears were not returned on time and the family was splashed with paint, he did not accept help from his wife.
In order to make money to pay off his debts, he entered his wife's rival company, because a case forced his wife to leave, and he felt both guilty and felt that he was really unworthy of his wife.
So he unilaterally filed for divorce, and the marriage came to an end in just a few months.
Educationalist Locke said:
"Everyone comes into this world like a blank piece of paper.
Then, the environment in which he lives begins to color him, and what kind of environment he is, what kind of person he will become. ”
The mother is the most important nurturer of the child, and it is inevitable that it will become the child's biggest environment.
If the mother's expectations are too high, the strings on the child's body are forced to tighten, and they dare not relax for a while.
Mother's high expectations, not encouragement, is a heavy burden, the child can only carry anxiety and pressure to carry the weight forward, losing the original sunshine and self-confidence.
A people's educator on the mainland, while remembering his mother, said:
"My mother has no culture, but his education for me is the education of life."
The child's first feelings and understanding of life are obtained from the mother.
Whether a mother can have a positive impact on her child does not depend on the amount of mother's cultural knowledge.
It lies in whether the mother's heart is open, whether the temperament is kind, and whether the vision is high.
The path of becoming a mother is destined to be a path of cultivation.
Click "like it", may we all practice all the way, grow all the way, and give the best guidance to the child.
![No matter how close the mother-child relationship is, it is also necessary to know how to give in, and crossing the line will hurt the feelings[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)