What are children most afraid of?
Lost a toy?
Or is it delicious no more?
No, the children's most worried and most feared are related to their parents, and you are the most important in the child's heart.
Look more at the things that the child is worried about, pay attention not to make it again in the future, and don't hurt the child's heart again. The following are the 8 things that children dislike their parents the most, parents compare themselves, and if they change it, they will encourage them.
01
Parents quarrel
A child psychology research institute once conducted a psychological survey of more than 3,000 school-age children, one of which was "What are you most afraid of mom and dad", and the most answered was: "I am most afraid of my parents getting angry, afraid of them arguing".
One of the answer sheets was vividly written: "I am most afraid of my father's anger, and his angry appearance is terrible!" I was so frightened that I was like a little mouse, my heart was pounding, and I couldn't eat..."
Parents think that their children are still young, and what they say and do between husband and wife does not matter to the children. In fact, the children's pair of bright eyes have already recorded all the words and deeds of their parents in front of them.
Some families, husband and wife quarrel endlessly, full of foul language, and even hands and feet, the family atmosphere is often in a state of tension, which forms a huge pressure on the child's psychology; some parents, long-term emotional discord, at home silent, children living in this atmosphere are very depressed, over time is bound to damage their mental health, will make the child become indifferent, lonely, stubborn, rough, become a psychological deformity.
Therefore, creating a good family atmosphere for children is something that every caring young parent should keep in mind.
02
Lose your temper with your child
The child is like a very crayon xiaoxin, and it is pranks again, when you have urged him ten times and he still does not move, the parents who have worked hard for a day often find it difficult to control their emotions and yell at the child. Throwing a tantrum at a child does make the child afraid. In fear, the child's behavior that upsets the parents is temporarily invisible. But what will happen to him?
There are several possibilities:
Obediently listen to your command, and do whatever you let you do.
He was stunned and stunned to stay there.
Cry and stop doing what you don't want him to do or what you want him to do.
Learn from you, start a fire, and throw your beloved vase to the ground.
That is to say, when many parents lose their temper, although the child stops the behavior that the parents do not expect, they do not know what they are doing wrong.
In life, it is best not to lose your temper with the child, but if you really accidentally get angry with the child, after the tantrum, it is best to explain to the child what the child's problem is, how to do it, and at the same time let the child feel your care and love through actions.
If possible, it is best to give a warning before losing your temper, such as: "I can't help but get angry, can you hurry up...", "I'm in a bad mood today, you better not..." But we must not relax the requirements for our children because of the guilt after the tantrum, and those who should insist must persist.
03
Eccentric to the child
In the Tangshan earthquake, a pair of sons and daughters were crushed under the same cement board, and in the face of a difficult choice that could only save one, the mother chose her son Fangda, and fortunately, her daughter Fang Deng, later survived the disaster and was adopted as an adopted daughter by a PLA couple.
However, because the daughter resented her mother's eccentricity and resented the phrase "save her brother", she experienced a lot of things outside, suffered a lot of hardships and did not want to go home to recognize her relatives, and was separated from her family for 32 years.
Parents are eccentric, so that some children grow up in the afterglow of their parents from an early age, the same pair of parents' children, pocket money, clothes, travel... The treatment is different, which will bring a shadow to the child's growth.
A large number of studies have found that parental eccentricity can adversely affect the mental health of children, causing behavioral problems in children, adolescents and even adulthood, even if they grow up and live away from home for many years and build their own families, the impact is still there.
Moreover, whether it is a favored child, a child who is snubbed, or a child who is watching, as long as he is aware of his mother's eccentricity, he will be damaged. A neglected child resents his mother or a favored child, and a favored child incurs the hatred of his siblings.
04
Untrustworthiness, lying
Some parents verbally promise certain conditions around learning, but when the child completes the parents' requirements, the parents push back and forth when they fulfill the requirements.
For example, some parents say: hurry up and write homework, finish homework and watch TV, but after the child finishes writing homework, parents will leave some learning tasks to let the child continue to learn; some parents promise that as long as the child's test score reaches the top few, there will be any rewards, and the child really does a good test, but he cannot get the reward he deserves.
Children hate their parents most easily and can't keep their promises, and they don't believe what they say, and they "tease" themselves.
Loss of prestige at the same time, parents do not count what they say, not only lose their prestige in the child's mind, but also not conducive to the growth of the child, and even affect the child's own image.
It will make children who have not formed a trustworthy concept feel that a person can be irresponsible when he speaks, and he can also not do things that promise others, so that children can easily develop the bad habit of "rashness" and "no credit", and after adulthood, this "untrustworthy" habit will make him lose a lot of friends and opportunities.
To be a parent who speaks a lot, we must not easily promise and do not make wishes; do not casually agree to the child's request in order to achieve their immediate goals; when the child makes a request, it is necessary to seriously consider whether this demand is reasonable and can be fulfilled, and if it is reasonable and fulfillable, it must be seriously promised and must be fulfilled.
05
Impatient to answer your child's questions
Curiosity is human nature, especially in childhood, and curiosity is particularly heavy. However, many parents do not pay attention to their children's problems and do not become the first teacher in their children's lives.
Some parents are annoyed with their children, sending their children away with two words, the child may still be very small, but he can also feel the attitude of his parents, and the coldness of his parents will make the children think that they should not ask questions, or should not ask this kind of question, so that he has lost confidence in his ability.
The perfunctory behavior of parents will also make the child gradually lose the enthusiasm for asking questions, and will gradually lose his curiosity and curiosity;
Half-understood, answered, the child is always convinced of the words of the parents, you give him the wrong answer, the child will be the truth and remember, the wrong concept into the mind, and then to change back is difficult.
Not answering your child's questions on the pretext of not having time is just an excuse and should not be a reason. If parents do not have time to answer the child at that time, they should first affirm the child's question, then explain to the baby that they are really not available now, and promise the baby to answer the baby's question at a special time.
Asking questions is a manifestation of a child's curiosity.
Generally speaking, the child who asks questions is diligent in thinking, loves to do things, and has a strong desire for knowledge, and parents should give timely affirmation to their children's questions, so that children feel that it is a happy thing to ask questions, and they are often proud to ask questions. This has a good effect on the development of children's thinking.
06
Friends of children are not welcome
When the child grows up, he also hopes to have a few sincere friends and share his joys and sorrows with himself, and I believe that mothers should also hope that their children's interpersonal relationships are good. But some parents may not like their children's friends because they are not very polite, or too calculating, or will bully people, love to lie and other shortcomings.
However, for children, with the gradual development of their body and mind, it is hoped that parents will treat them as "adults" and respect the children's independent opinions when choosing friends.
If parents always discipline and intermittently or uninterruptedly express their dislike for their children's good friends, it is bound to cause children's disgust, so that the gap between the two sides will gradually increase.
Parents should respect their child's choice of good friends.
Parents should look at their children's good friends from the child's point of view, be good at role transposition thinking, and respect and maintain the child's choice. Parents acknowledge the differences in choosing friends with their children and respect this difference. Sometimes give the child enough face, and the child will also give the parents enough face.
The child's ability to establish good friends with others is one of the most basic relationships in interpersonal relationships, and it is necessary to respect the child's free choice according to the wishes and preferences of both parties.
07
Always compare other people's children
As parents, we always want our children to be the best. However, in our eyes, our own children are always inferior to other people's children. Why is that?
This stems from the mentality of parents who hope to become a dragon.
However, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and so do children. Because parents live with their children every day, they always seem to see the shortcomings of their children in their eyes, and ignore their advantages.
In real life, parents often compare their children's shortcomings with the strengths of other people's children, and even over-beautify and exaggerate other people's children, hoping to set an example for their children, but in fact, they bring great harm to their children, and even affect their children's lives.
Every child has his strengths and advantages, although the child's talent is different, learning things are fast and slow, and learning performance is also high and low, but judging a child's good or bad cannot depend only on one aspect.
As a parent, you can't just rely on your looks, grades and other aspects to determine that your children are inferior to others and have no performance, but you should be good at discovering their strengths and discovering what makes them different.
Always believe that your children are excellent, and keep the praise to your children, so that they can continue to carry out their strengths and strengths in your praise.
08
Blame the child in front of the guests
People come and go, friends and family get together, talk about their children, often become one of the important topics.
Many parents like to expose their children's shortcomings in front of everyone, as if they are complaining to others, saying that it is not easy to educate such a child. But unbeknownst to him, he only cared about criticizing his shortcomings, and simply described the child as "tofu slag".
Invisibly, the child feels that he can do nothing, and no one appreciates him. For example, learning is not good, looks are not good, communication is not good, doing housework is not good, let the family suffer for him, but also feel that parents are not satisfied with themselves, and parents are gradually estranged.
It is not difficult to see from the above eight things that children are afraid of their parents do, and that a good parent and a good family in the minds of children should have an atmosphere of friendship, ease, tolerance, democracy and liveliness. Instead, their biggest headache is the cold, tense, dull, domineering, lifeless family.
The way to get along
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