After being a full-time mother for three years, now that the baby has enrolled in school, he has returned to the workplace, has a new understanding in parenting, kindergarten, family, marriage, emotions, etc., and is still the mother who likes to share, hoping to share more topics that can collide with sparks and dry goods with babies...
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In the process of taking the baby, there are many bad moments, if it is at home with the baby, the child is disobedient, the mother feels bad, as long as they slowly digest it, the most headache for parents is not that the child is difficult to bring, but the child is too "lost" in front of outsiders.
For example, Taotao went to Junjun's house to play, Taotao wanted to play Junjun's toys, Junjun refused to share, Taotao cried and made a big fuss, must let Junjun share, Junjun just does not share.
Taotao's mother persuaded to no avail, Taotao still cried, and finally had to forcibly leave with the child.
This kind of scene is very common, and the reaction of many parents at this time is: it is too humiliating, and they may reprimand their children a few words.
How to correctly guide children to face the rejection of others?
There is a baby in the community, we temporarily use Babe as a pronoun, this year is 3 years old, the performance has been very good, a look to know that the mother teaches the girl to be good.
On this day, Babe and her mother were just about to go out, and the neighbors and grandma returned, and the two families lived on the first floor and occasionally played together.
Because yesterday the girl followed her grandmother to play at Babe's house for a long time, Babe shared a toy with her, and today when she saw her, Babe had the idea of wanting to go to her house to play.
Babe directly followed the girl and her grandmother into the house, and her mother was not good enough to force Babe to come out.
Babe's mother recently did not want To let Babe and Youyi play together, because Sheyi just entered a special stage, refused to share, and cried at every turn, and Yuyi's grandmother was particularly nervous, And when She cried, Babe was going to be criticized again, she didn't want to let the two children play, in order to avoid unnecessary contradictions.
Babe arrived at Babe's house, and Babe was sure not to allow Babe to touch her toys, and Babe pouted and said, "Don't you want to play with my things in the future!" I'll never play with you again! ”
After saying that, the air bulged out, and Babe's mother let out a long breath, thinking that Babe was going to be sad about it again, and did not expect that her guidance had an effect.
Before Babe was also, if other children refused to share, she would be very sad, always asked each other to share, and was easy to cry after being rejected.
Later, Babe's mother said to Babe: "You share toys with your good friends, it shows that you are great, if some children refuse to share toys with you, then you stay away from her and play with those who are willing to share." ”
Don't let the adult's affection affect your child's social skills
This is actually a kind of guidance method that is easy to think of, but many parents are easy to ignore, because parents are more concerned about educating children in this way, will they offend others?
Adults are always prone to think that things are very complicated, and when we mix with personal socialization, children will be wronged.
Obviously the child took the initiative to share, other children refused to share, he can not lose his temper, can not refuse each other, and may also be reprimanded by parents.
This is how the small flaws in the child's personality are slowly formed.
So to put it simply, don't be afraid to hurt the face of adults, if the face between adults is so easy to tear, there is no need to maintain.
Tell the child directly: "When you are rejected, look up proudly and find the child who is willing to share with you to play with, it is as simple as that." ”
Don't criticize your child because you "can't ask for it" and cry
Parents can criticize their children, and children must also experience being criticized before they can grow.
We criticize the child after the child has made a mistake, not when the child feels that he has been wronged.
Under what circumstances is a mistake made? It is a mistake for a child to attack other children, and a child is a mistake to lie, but it is not a mistake for a child to cry because he is refused to cry.
Children want to integrate into the group is rejected, start crying, children want to play with toys are rejected, start crying, these situations, parents can not criticize the child, the correct way is to wait for the child's mood to calm down, and then tell the child: "When you fail to integrate, you can think about why, if it is the other party's prank, it is completely possible to haughtily hold your head high, do not integrate, if you want to play with toys are rejected, then tell the children, since you do not share with me, I will not share with you, do not be friends." ”
If in these cases, the parents criticize the child headlessly, the child will feel that he has done something wrong, which will affect their sensitivity, after forming a habit, they will always be careful, once the unpleasantness occurs, they will feel that it is their fault.
Or, at the other extreme, the child has accumulated too many emotions in his heart, and then gradually explodes, his personality is distorted, his relationship with his parents is getting worse and worse, he refuses to communicate, and he goes his own way.
In either case, it is the child who is finally hurt.
Don't skimp on praise when it's time to praise, and criticize when it's time to criticize
Affirmative education can guide children to grow in a more positive direction.
However, every child goes from knowing nothing to finally speaking and acting decently, which is a long process that requires parents to invest a lot of energy and patience.
Every child is not perfect, there must be many times when they make mistakes, after they make mistakes, parents do not cover up, correct the child's mistakes, and criticize the child to a certain extent, which is conducive to the child's establishment of the correct three views, and is conducive to improving the child's distinction between right and wrong.
Praise when it is time to praise, and give criticism when it is time to criticize, such a criterion should penetrate into every stage of the child's growth, praise specific to the details and process of behavior, and tell the child where the mistake is when criticizing.
This is how the child's three views are slowly established.