When you see other parents yelling at their children before raising children, they always look at them with disdain, thinking that they have no patience for their children and do not know how to educate. When he had children, he not only understood them, but also slowly became a member of the roaring army.
Three-year-old Taotao burst into tears because his mother did not open the snack bags in the order he requested. How Mom explained that she would do it next time was to no avail. Tao Tao cried for half an hour, and there was no sign of stopping. Is it necessary to cry about something so small in mom's eyes? Finally, he couldn't help yelling at TaoTao and threatening to cry again to throw him out. Tao Tao finally stopped crying, and after her mood calmed down slightly, her mother regretted it when she saw Tao Tao's aggrieved and scared look. Taotao's mother has told herself how many times she can't yell at her child, but she still can't help it, and this week is already the second time.
There are many disadvantages of yelling at children, destroying parent-child relationships, easy to develop children's timid and cowardly character, and easy to inferiority and rebellion when they grow up. Harvard has shown that regular yelling at children will put children in fear and fear, which will affect the development of the brain, memory and reaction speed will be significantly reduced.
But parents are also ordinary people with emotions, especially many mothers who have to go to work and take their children to do housework, have been exhausted at the end of the day, and the willpower to control emotions has long been exhausted. Anger came and went in an instant, and what theories and consequences were thrown out of the mind. Since the fact of yelling at the child has already happened, regret is useless, and the most important thing at this time is how the parents can remedy it and minimize the harm.
First, apologize to the child and sincerely admit your mistakes. Note that it is not an apology to evade responsibility, no matter what the reason, yelling at the child's behavior is wrong, do not apologize while finding reasons for yourself, or even push the responsibility on the child, so that the apology is invalid.
Second, understand your child's situation and why you are doing it. There is an interesting point in Huang Zhi, who pointed out that "the problem you think is just someone else's way to solve it." This is also the idea of dealing with the problems that arise with the child, why does he do this? Whether it is to win attention, or to fight for rights, or simply to be mischievous. After finding the reason, you can better communicate next.
Third, solve the problem. After finding the cause, discuss the solution with the child. Making mistakes is a good time to learn and encourage children to face them bravely.
After Taotao's mother realized that she should not yell at her child, she immediately apologized sincerely to Taotao. "Taotao, I'm sorry, my mother shouldn't have lost my temper with you, please forgive your mother?" Tao Tao immediately wrapped his arms around his mother's neck and said childishly, "Mom, I am not angry." "Mom asked Taotao why I opened the snack bag at random, you are so sad." TaoTao is still too young to express itself, after calm thinking, her mother understands that Taotao is just fighting for rights, three-year-old Taotao is in a sensitive period of pursuing order and control, and her mother destroyed the order so that Taotao lost her sense of control, feeling very weak so he was very sad. After understanding the reason, Taotao and his mother discussed, and if you need your mother's help in the future, you can propose how to do it with your mother in advance and discuss it.
These three methods are just remedies, don't use them often, can't use "I apologize, what else can I do?" "Excuse your mistakes. If parents are not yelling at their children, they can jump straight to the second step.
Cai Gen Tan Li said: It is better to be skillful in the back than to be clumsy in the front, and no matter how good the remedy after the fact, it is better to prevent it in advance.
As the mother of a three-year-old child, she and her child agreed on a small trick, that is, to shout "pause" in time. When you realize that you are about to get angry, you shout "pause" to yourself in your heart. If the child has already begun to yell, the child himself will say "Mom pause, Mom don't yell at me." In this case, I realized that my emotions were out of control again, and the anger was half gone, and I generally would not continue.
Education expert Chen Heqin said: Children's young minds are extremely vulnerable to bruises, and any rough and arbitrary way of education is inappropriate, and only in a gentle way can we enter the child's heart.