Getting along between the sexes is a university question, how to love each other, how to love a few points, is the key to long-term love.
It is often seen that some young girls trapped by love love are too full, think too much, want too much, want too much, and pursue perfect love too much, but let themselves fall into a passive state, more and more suffering from gains and losses, and finally lose love.
It is also common to see some wives who are tired in marriage, manage too much, take care of too much, the pressure of life is multiplied, the relationship between husband and wife is tense, and gradually become hysterical, and eventually end up with a lose-lose situation.
Long-term relationships need to be managed, and one of the skills to manage feelings is to be with men and learn to "do subtraction".
Japanese management consultant Hideko Yamashita wrote in the book "Breaking Away": Breaking away is a way to make life happy by discarding and sorting out items, sorting out the useless things in the heart.
Deeply.
Life needs to be cut off regularly in order to remain clean and happy; feelings also need to be cut off regularly in order to maintain long-term stability.
Smart women know how to uphold the concept of "breaking away" and subtracting in feelings, the inner burden is less, and life becomes easier.
Learn to reduce dependence on lovers and maintain individual independence
With the deepening of getting along, the attitudes of men and women to love begin to differ, men pursue independence and freedom more, but women want the sweetness of sticking together at all times.
For a man, being dependent on a lover is a very happy thing, satisfying his desire to conquer and increasing his self-confidence.
But too late, if the lover always depends on him, no matter how big or small things can not be solved independently, to accompany, to appease, to a lot of love and companionship, but it is easy to provoke men's rebellious psychology, so that he wants to escape from this relationship.
In intimate relationships, the most taboo is excessive dependence.
If you are not financially independent, always ask for money from men with your palms up, even if men can afford it, they will feel that after a long time - I raise you, you are my burden;
If you are not mentally independent, afraid of being alone, and thinking wildly as soon as you don't see each other, even if the man loves you again, he will feel that it is boring to be with you for a long time.
In a long-term and stable relationship, both parties must be dependent and independent.
Only by maintaining the relative independence of the individual, reducing the dependence on the lover, and seeing the self-worth clearly, can a woman have a relationship that is evenly matched.
Even if you love him again, don't give up your work and life for him, allocate more energy at work when you are busy, and pay more attention to personal growth in your spare time.
Give each other some personal space, don't suffer from gain and loss, love to the point of losing yourself.
Believe in your own eyes, the person you love, love you as much as you love him.
Believe that you deserve to be loved, he is excellent, and you are not bad.
In intimate relationships, when a woman learns to reduce her dependence on her lover, you will find that the lover becomes dependent on you instead – he wants to know what you are busy with when you are busy, and he wants to experience it with you when you do something you like.
At this time, the mystery of love increases, and this mystery is the key to maintaining the freshness of love.
Learn to reduce expectations of your lover and stay contented
Whether in film and television dramas or in reality, married women with children are inevitably tortured by the chicken feathers of marriage, and compared with their youth, they are much less light and a little tired.
It is true that the complexity of married life is not comparable to the love period, and women have to face more complex family and social relations, and deal with other affairs besides marriage, such as the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the education of children, the future development of the family, and so on.
It was as if he was being pushed forward by life, and did not dare to stay for a moment.
At the same time, the understanding of marriage became more realistic, and the expectations for the husband increased.
I hope that men can share more of the economic pressure of the family, hope that men can deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, hope that men can reduce the troubles in life to a minimum, and hope that men understand and understand their difficulties in marriage.
However, the more expectations of the lover, the easier it is for the woman to find out - he does not know how to think from his own point of view, verbally promises to act but there is no change, and the longer the day goes on, the greater the expectation, the more disappointed.
Looking at the friends, colleagues, and neighbors around you, it seems that everyone is happier than themselves.
The more contrasting, the more out of balance the psyche.
Expectations and disappointments are intertwined, women are easy to complain, dissatisfied with marriage, countless times in their hearts to ask themselves, why marry such a man, live such a day.
In such a scene, the relationship between husband and wife is inevitably tense, and in the end, both sides will be hurt.
Smart women know how to reduce expectations of their lovers and remain contented.
As long as the lover works hard, is self-motivated, has no bad habits, loves his wife and children, and treats people sincerely, although he cannot make the family rich and noble, he can also live a peaceful and beautiful life, which is a rare happiness between ordinary couples.
Pay more attention to what you have gained, reduce expectations, and be content and happy, in order to live the way you want to be.
Learn to decompress your mind and make a "happiness plan"
In modern society, everyone's work and life are very stressful.
We spend most of our time and energy on work, facing the cruel workplace environment, to keep the job we have to be undistracted, and it is inevitable that there will be many negligences for the family and lovers.
At the same time, there is a lot of internal stress and often exhaustion.
Some of the pressure is given by others, and some pressure is artificially created.
If you are often anxious because of stress, affecting your life and affecting your feelings with your lover, perhaps what you need to do is to learn to reduce the pressure on the mind and make a "happiness plan".
If work is the source of all your stress, instead of having to endure and complain at the same time, there are only two options – to continue the job and to change jobs.
When you have to do it, it is better to change your mentality, seriously face and overcome the problem; when you re-choose, it is better to be ready to go and let yourself have the ability to choose.
If there is always endless pressure in life, such as mortgages, car loans, children's education, etc., we must also learn to appropriately divert attention and subtract for life.
Many times, we tend to ignore the happiness in life, and the ability to perceive happiness becomes weaker, and the pressure will increase sharply.
There are a few small pieces of advice for developing a "happiness plan":
You can take the day or week as a unit, comb through the things that happen during the period that move you and bring you a sense of happiness, even if it is small and short, you must learn to record it;
Pay more attention to the quality of couples getting along, and learn to praise their partners instead of asking for them;
Set up a family day every week, on which the family cooks, cleans, and plays together;
Give yourself time and space to be alone, read a book, watch a movie, exercise, have a small gathering with friends, learn to be alone, and know how to please yourself.
Be with men, learn to "do subtraction" and you win.
To manage a marriage and learn to subtract is actually to manage oneself in a marriage.
Learn to decompress your mind, make your heart light and plump, your partner will be surprised by your change, and you will become a better version of yourself because of this change.
Today's Topic:
Do you know how to subtract from marriage?
Flowers say emotions: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world