In the same team, we will find that different people behave differently. Some people are sharp-toothed, confident and generous, and mingle with their leading colleagues, but some people are accustomed to fighting alone, preferring to be clumsy rather than seeking help from leading colleagues.
The latter are often referred to as honest people, and on the surface they are not accused of doing a bad job, but in reality they are easily excluded and meet the ceiling of their careers early. In contrast, the former is a rapid promotion and salary increase, and the career is smooth sailing.
People are intuitive animals. Cheerful and enthusiastic people who know how to adapt are more likely to gain trust, and those who are silent will not be entrusted with heavy responsibilities and gradually become marginal figures in the team.
How did the difference in that person's personality come about? Some people think that it is mainly innate, and has little impact with the day after tomorrow, but it is not.
According to psychological research, people's thinking and behavior patterns are affected by both innate and acquired influences. The innate influence is determined by the genes of the parents, no one can influence, but the acquired influence is the final embodiment of the original family composed of parents and children, after more than ten years of getting along day and night.
As a saying circulating on the Internet: parents are the best teachers for children, and they are also the children's quiet ferrymen.
1. Personality and family wealth
A person cannot decide his own childhood, but childhood can affect a person's life. Because of the lack of economic conditions, children are required to be "sensible" and "honest" from an early age, and not to bring financial expenses to adults, which means that they cannot let small children make demands, nor can they cause trouble.
Psychology believes that everyone is a potential "egoist" and is more inclined to consider from their own point of view when facing choices, but many of the behaviors of honest people are not for themselves, but to make the family "spend less money", "suffer less losses" and "do not embarrass their parents".
The coldness of the family situation has led to a person being bound by various dogmas from an early age, becoming cautious and cautious, and all behavior must follow the core of "saving money".
Favorite toys do not dare to open their mouths, clothes torn can not bear to let parents buy new, want to eat snacks but against the heart to say do not like, bullied by classmates do not dare to fight back...
The suppression of desire again and again due to the difficulties of life has led to children learning to be patient again and again, and when they grow up, they develop a taciturn personality. This personality will lurk in the pattern of behavior for a long time: dare not say no to prejudice, dare not take risks, dare not innovate, dare not offend others, and avoid all troubles as much as possible.
Due to the limited resources available to them, a clear psychological tendency when they grow up is to "avoid risks".
On the other hand, people with good family backgrounds when they were young, because they have a strong backing to bear losses and risks, they dare to take the initiative to make demands, question authority, dare to challenge new things, and become more and more intelligent in repeated questions and challenges. At the same time, each risk can be easily solved, and the child has more confidence and self-confidence, forming optimistic and brave psychological feedback.
In January this year, some media reported that Chengdu boy Luo, who lost his right leg in a car accident at the age of 4, could only live on a prosthetic leg, and now 22 years old, he learned to paint, surf, and did a clothing model, sunny and handsome, cheerful and confident, completely unlike the living conditions of the disabled.
This is because, after the car accident, his parents have the ability to treat him, install expensive prosthetics, and re-plan a new development path for him, and accompany his hobbies and interests for a lifetime without worry, which requires a lot of wealth support.
If you change to a family with a not very good economic level, parents can not bear the high cost of medical expenses and nursing fees first, and secondly, because they do not have enough strength to resist the unknown, it is difficult to encourage children to face the future life with an optimistic attitude.
The final result is that the physical disability not only did not cause a fatal mental blow to Luo, but also demonstrated his strength and indomitability, which won him the admiration of many netizens.
2. Personality and parental education
As the saying goes, "filial piety comes out under the stick", some parents take this as the most reasonable saying, after the birth of the child to formulate dense rules for it, up to the academic performance down to the life schedule, this is to frame the child's life and learning norms, if severe excessive, but also in the suppression of the child's free nature.
On the surface, children who are too strictly controlled by their parents have transferred all responsibility risks to their parents, do not need to face the pressure of society, and will live a relaxed and comfortable life, but in fact, children are only exchanging tolerance for long-term protection from their parents.
They have been broken from childhood, and when they become adults, they simply do not have the ability to resist the beatings of society, and if the parents withdraw their protective umbrella for their children at this time, then how can they survive?
Therefore, overly strict parents often cultivate children who are good at being patient and pretending to be performers, who look well-behaved, filial and caring, but in fact, the intention of rebellion in their hearts has long been ready.
This is not to help children adapt to society, but to desperately inject more heat energy for children's future volcanic eruptions.
Endure to the extreme is the end of the world like a volcanic eruption, when parents and friends around him will be surprised and ordered to return to normal, but this is his real state.
Once an honest person turns his face, the consequences are very serious.
Wu Xieyu of Peking University is the best example. The mother, who has raised her child alone for more than ten years, in order to make Wu XieYu a talent, save money and no longer marry for life, tutor her child's study to let her be admitted to Peking University, but she ended up being murdered by her own son.
Wu Xieyu had never expressed his dissatisfaction with his mother before, because his wings were not yet full, but at the moment when he regained his freedom, he was like a kite with a broken line, and he was no longer willing to endure his mother's instructions in every detail.
With a momentary impulse, he expressed his years of antipathy to his mother's behavior. This is the tragedy of a mother and son, and it should also be a negative teaching material for thousands of mothers and children, fathers and sons.
3. Character and lifelong destiny
Character determines destiny, this sentence has been verified by countless positive and negative cases in ancient and modern China and abroad.
Personality is different from getting rich overnight, not in a short period of time, but needs to be precipitated for many years. Different personalities reflect the hugely different growth experiences behind individuals, and also determine that they will make different choices when facing the same life challenges.
It is the superposition of countless different choices that allows us to show the picture of the struggle in the first half of life in a completely different posture in the second half of life.
The TV series "I Am Yu Huanshui" perfectly interprets this point of view through a person's personality change.
The first half of Yu Huanshui's life was an honest person who did nothing, his career did not improve, his appearance had no advantage, there was no elegant conversation, he did not have a deep family foundation, for the integrity of the family, he lowered his eyebrows, bowed his head, and was full of pandering and forbearance, but he still ended up with a wife and children and was dismissed by the leader.
At this moment, countless audiences sighed for it, and at the same time, "We are all Yu Huanshui" is also the self-deprecation of countless audiences. Self-deprecating with dissatisfaction with reality, but helpless.
In reality, honest people like Yu Huanshui are difficult to seize the opportunity of the times, living at the bottom of society all their lives, chicken feathers at home, no progress in work, tepid love, and want to change but there is no way to go to heaven and no door to the earth.
After being diagnosed with cancer, Yu Huanshui's personality changed greatly, and the personality change brought new vitality to the family and career, and completely liberated Yu Huanshui's nature: he spent a lot of money, bravely exposed the boss's illegal and disorderly behavior, tore his face with friends who borrowed money and did not pay back, fought with fraudsters, and captured a young and beautiful little girlfriend.
Netizens praised his bravery and integrity, the company's leaders were also willing to promote him, and Yu Huanshui suddenly embarked on the peak of his life.
TV dramas are always full of drama and exaggeration, from Yu Huanshui we can see the good intentions of the director and screenwriter: life's oppression of honest people will never stop, unless broken inward, only by breaking through the limitations brought by their own personality, everything will improve.
That's what I want to say.