01
There must have been a lot of people who were curious about a question:
What happened to the children who went to prestigious schools?
Douban has a "985 waste introduction plan group", which was on fire a while ago.
Inside, a group of people who choose one of the thousands in the college entrance examination are gathered, and there is no shortage of college entrance examination winners in some provinces.
But their lives are not as we think, one by one by working hard to change their fate and live a better life.
More children are beginning to realize that they can't do anything but study and brush up on problems. Will not be sophisticated, no social connections, feel a huge gap.
There is a "famous saying" in the group: "After being admitted to 985, I found that I was a waste." ”
I still remember an article that brushed the screen last year, "The Antidepressant History of a Peking University College Entrance Examination Champion", which told a heart-wrenching story.
A college entrance examination liberal arts champion in a certain province, after being admitted to Peking University, suffered from depression in his third year and took a full year off from school.
Only because after being admitted to the dream university, she found that her efforts were not worth mentioning in front of the talents of others, and the frustration of not being able to get the first place also made her lose her goal in life.
I can't afford to study or work at all.
So, I began to doubt the meaning of life...
This is the current situation of many teenagers.
Why do young people who have been admitted to prestigious schools begin to "mourn"?
02
Coincidentally, the protagonist of this article quickly reminds me of another high-caliber student who makes people grit their teeth when they are mentioned - Wu Xieyu.
Wu Xieyu, who was also admitted to Peking University with excellent results, mentioned in a 50,000-word handwritten letter that he was like an examination machine, "The first place in the examination is the only meaning I have for my mother."
In order to get his mother's affirmation, he went to college and studied more sharply, and later found that no matter how hard he tried, he could not get the first place.
"The last thing I meant to my mom was gone."
Professor Li Meijin, when analyzing the Wu Xieyu case, said a sentence:
"His cleverness gives him more than enough to cope with reality, to deal with all kinds of people, but his heart is empty, empty to the point of no soul."
Deeply.
Peking University psychiatrist Xu Kaiwen once said in a speech that 30.4% of new students at Peking University have "hollow heart disease".
The so-called "hollow heart disease" is a "psychological disorder caused by value defects", and the child who has hollow heart disease is just a very good "good child" in the eyes of others.
They especially need the approval of others.
When they are recognized by others, they lose the sense of value that supports their existence.
If the situation is serious, either there is a tendency to commit suicide, or like Wu Xieyu, step by step into the abyss of evil.
03
Why do good children get "hollow heart disease"?
Professor Xu boiled down to the root cause of the disease: the lack of values.
To put it mildly, this is likely to be the consequence of the chicken baby chicken to "go into the fire".
A while ago, there was an article "After the undercover 10 chicken dolls, I want to chicken myself without a baby" was on fire.
The reporter went undercover with a flock of chicken babies and began to be active at 4 o'clock.
Parents in the group schedule their children's schedules each day to the minute.
In the army of chicken babies, this is nothing.
Someone asked: Is it not enough for a child to be 4 years old and has an English vocabulary of only about 1500?
One Gaozan replied: In the United States, it is definitely enough, but it is certainly not enough in the Haidian area.
It is conceivable that today's children's only goal is to learn, learn, and keep learning.
As a result, they feel that if they study and work well enough, they will not be able to live.
Therefore, you must force yourself to be excellent for your parents.
When they go to college, or enter society, children who have always struggled for their parents' expectations will fall into a confusion that they have never had before.
After removing the first target, their hearts are empty.
At the same time, driven by learning goals, it is difficult for children to establish real and deep emotional links with their peers.
As "tool people" for their parents, they also do not feel the real emotional connection from their families.
When one day, the main theme of life is no longer competition, or no matter how much "roll" can not see the end, the sense of nothingness of life will come one after another.
As Li Meijin said, this kind of education is more likely to teach groups of egoists who lack empathy and refinement.
4
The essence of education is not just to cultivate a person with excellent academic performance, but to "make people human"
"Hollow Heart Disease"
1) "First place" is never the only criterion for success.
Fudan Professor Liang Yong'an has a passage that I think is particularly well said:
"For any student, if you only aim to get ahead, in fact, you have found yourself a very narrow path, that is, you want to do a better job in the future life than 90% of the people, it is very difficult." 」
Our whole education should be transferred to what direction, and our future task is to be an excellent ordinary person. ”
As Professor Liu Yu said: Our society is full of success but no failure.
We only urge our children to be successful people, but we don't tell them that it is okay to be an ordinary person.
What is becoming more and more cruel in this society is that we take academic elite schools too seriously, as if they are the only criterion for our success in life.
But in fact, everyone has their own time zone, some children have strong mouths and strong communication skills, and some children like to focus on their own areas of interest...
They will all gain confidence in their respective areas of expertise, and these confidences are enough to resist the psychological gap caused by not having enough education and making enough money.
There is a Turkish proverb: "God prepared a low branch for every stupid bird." ”
Every child has their own BGM and doesn't lag behind others.
2. Establish a real emotional connection with your child
Many parents will say to their children: you don't care about anything, just study hard.
This will make the child mistakenly think that he exists just to learn.
Parents should let their children participate in all aspects of life to the greatest extent, so that children understand that values do not only come from learning, but also from the inclusive love of parents, so that they have the courage to go outward.
Only with love and patience, little by little, planting the seeds of "goodness" in children can we irrigate flowers that can withstand the wind and rain.
What we want to give to our children is not fractions, not money.
It's love, it's wisdom, it's the ability to create happiness, and that's the best thing in the world.